sste, very well- said and ITA.
sste, very well- said and ITA.
sste - agree with your post completely.
As several other posters have commented, it's not the fact that she quit at the 11th hour, but how she quit, especially after having communicated via phone, personal email, and in person with her future employer. It certainly could have been handled better in numerous other ways - a slightly lengthier explanation (one extra line - "due to unforeseen personal circumstances/emergency, I can't take the job"!), more notice, a phone call, meeting in person, offers to help find a replacement, or alerting the employer in advance that she might be looking for an alternative position - all of these would have mitigated the impression that she was behaving in a wholly unprofessional manner, and behavior that was unexpected based on her personal references.
Additionally, I think some discussion of this has blurred the line between babysitter and nanny - understandably, the definition may change depending on who you are speaking to. When the poster specifies that her prospective "nanny" has quit last minute, I'm assuming that this is a greater than part-time position, possibly salaried, paying employment/soc. sec. taxes and giving benefits. I say this employing a nanny currently, having participated in numerous threads on this board about nanny employment, and having numerous friends and colleagues who employ nannies. Admittedly there is a spectrum with regard to pay and benefits, but the majority of employers that I know and have communicated with, pay salaries not hourly wages, pay taxes on the nanny's salary, and give reasonable benefits (paid holidays off, paid vacation time, paid sick time). If a babysitter, who is a part-time, hourly wage employee, flakes on me last minute, I chalk it up to bad luck and move on. I'm much more invested in a nanny from the employment side and try to treat her as a professional - as such, I expect professionalism in return. This is where I assume the OP is coming from as well.
OP - I think you may have rubbed some people the wrong way with your initial comments about the nanny candidate's Christian character, and tying that into contacting the pastor. Leaving aside all discussion of character and religion, I still think it's reasonable (if you desire) to contact her most recent or main reference and give them an update along the lines of "I really appreciate your taking the time to recommend X for a nanny position in our family. I wanted to update you that although we offered her the position and she initially accepted, she ultimately turned the job down 12 hours prior to starting with no real explanation. I was surprised because it did not seem in keeping with your description of her professionalism and dependability and I ultimately decided that if I was her reference, I would want to be updated." They may think you're a crazy person. Or, it may be the most recent in a string of incidents that might make them think twice about vouching for this person. Either way, you've done what you felt necessary, and the situation is out of your hands.
And expecting DS1 10/2016
For your own reputation, OP, I suggest not contacting anyone. The employment contract (verbal, I am guessing?) was between you and the prospective nanny, not between you and her references.
Since one just does not simply walk into Mordor, I say we form a conga line and dance our way in.
Excuse me, are you in a play?
Last edited by HannaAddict; 12-30-2012 at 06:24 AM.
I believe codex said it best.
OP, you are complaining about her "Christian values," and yet, what you want to do to her is not very Christian like either. It's ironic to me that you have made a decision to not attend this lady's church based on this one incident. So, essentially, you go to church because the congregation is perfect? I don't want to be harsh but as a Christian, this makes me very sad because you seem to be espousing one thing for yourself and another for someone else. I do apologize if I misread your intentions in the post.
3 year old DD
2 year old DS
And expecting DS1 10/2016
Reading all of these responses is really interesting. I think OP is right to move on and concentrate her energy on finding a new nanny. There could be any number of reasons this woman didnít accept the position and itís good to know now that it wouldnít have worked out long term. I think if you decide to follow up TXís message is perfect.
Mom to 2
Wild DS - 2009
Silly DD - 2011
I know that in my field professors and those in academia have retracted recommendations before, upon finding out that the people they recommended flaked out or did something else that was unprofessional. It makes sense..if you are a well known, well respected professor in your field, and you give a glowing recommendation for someone for say, graduate program or for a full time position, and then that person ends up bailing at the last minute with no explanation...well, that obviously reflects poorly on them. I know I would want to know if somebody I raved on about to a colleague about how dependable and someone was, how excited they were for xxx job and then I found out the person bailed at the last minute. It would definitely make me look less credible and I would not want to be recommending that person again.
eta: while i myself have never hired a FT nanny, i just started working FT earlier this month from being a SAHM and my perspective has really broadened...with both of us working FT i have really, really felt the burn and the panic of "oh crap, we don't have childcare for today, I can't miss work...what do we do now??" Due to 24 hr fever rule, my kids have had to stay home from daycare 3x already in the 3 weeks I started working..luckily DH was able to stay home each time, as i just started by job. But he travels a ton, so that is not always an option. Reliability is just SO key when it comes to a nanny..as PP said, it is entirely different from an occasional babysitter. If I am supposed to be all understanding and giving the benefit of the doubt when a nanny just up and cancels HOURS before her first day, with not much explanation, then I will never be getting a nanny. Much as I would LOVE for kids to have more personal attention, have less sicknesses, and me not have to deal with drop offs..stories like the OPs and others are what keep me from doing so right now. While I don't agree with the label of being 'un Christian' or "dishonest" whatever, I really feel the OP's pain.
Last edited by ♥ms.pacman♥; 12-30-2012 at 03:07 PM.