Can you help me with 1yo's schedule?

[queenmama]

DD will be one next week and hasn't been on a schedule since she hit the 4-month regression. Worse, with DH working nights, we have shifted our schedule so it mirrors his. I did the same thing with DS until he started school, but this isn't working for us now because it means DS is on his own in the evenings and sometimes even putting himself to bed.

I'm terrible about sticking to a schedule, I nurse on demand, etc. We are very much a "go with the flow" family but I need some structure, mainly for DS' sake. Two things that make this challenging are that she still wants to nurse every 3-4 hours (she goes 5-6 at night), and I nurse her to sleep. I know these are habits that need to be broken but I have to start where we are, which is..

... A ray of hope! DH helped me keep her up all day yesterday so she was in bed at 7:30 last night and slept til 5:00 this morning!

Her schedule has been perfect so far today. She had what we call a "snack nap" (nurses while sleeping, and this only counts when I'm holding her vs. putting her in bed) from 8:00-8:45. And she took a good long nap with DH from noon to 3:00, at which point she woke up and nursed.

So now what? Should I give her another "snack nap" next time she nurses, or put her to bed? Uhh, did I mention we co-sleep? I went to bed with her last night and it took me several hours to fall asleep since I was still on DH's night shift. So until I transition her to the crib (an idea I feel horrible about since she's been with us all along), I might have to go to bed with her. It wouldn't be an issue if I kept her up until 10:00 or so, but do I want to do that?

Should I go ahead and start transitioning her into the crib? It is in our room so she wouldn't be totally isolated once I go to bed. But what about her MOTN feeding? I love side-lying while we nurse because it's so easy and comfortable, and of you haven't figured it out by now, I'm big on easy!!!

Are you still with me? What should I do? Will she be better off going to bed at the next feeding (probably around 7:30 again)? Will she even be ready for bed since she took a 3-hour nap from 12-3? Should I give her a "snack nap" instead and put her down for the night at the next feeding? Hulp!!!!

[Katigre]

You can have a schedule while cosleeping . We do over here. I also nurse to sleep. I don't consider either a "problem" and an glad I did it.

If you want a regular rhythm for the day try waking her up at the same time each morning and have a consistent nap wake up time 5 his before you want her to sleep for the night.

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[mjs64]

You say you're big on easy--but all of that sounds so hard!

I--and this is just me--would transfer to the crib, yes. But the very first thing I'd do would be to decrease nighttime nursing sections with the goal of eliminating them. I don't mean stop nursing--I mean stop during the night. It wasn't until that that my DS began STTN, genuinely (8pm-7am), at 9 months.

Then I would move her to the crib. I would have a really hard time going to bed so early to co-sleep.

Once the nighttime routine is established, I would work on naps. At 12mo, she should have 1 or 2 naps/day. I wouldn't want napping to last more than 3 hours total though. And, FWIW, I would say keep the nursing sessions with napping if you're both enjoying it.

I know there are many other moms who make co-sleeping work. This is just what I'd do. Good luck!

[amom526]

You say you're big on easy--but all of that sounds so hard!

I think you will have better luck if you try to do an early bedtime. If you lay down to fall asleep with her, will she stay asleep if you leave once she is in a deep sleep?

At 12 months, I would be aiming for a short morning nap (eventually leading to no morning nap) and then a longer afternoon nap (2 hours max)

I cannot sleep well with a child in bed, nor can i sleep while nursing - so my immediate inclination would be to teach her to sleep in her own crib. That's what would make my life easier, but it doesn't mean you have to do that. I just bring DS2 into bed with me for his MOTN nursing sessions, and then put him right back when he's done. A lot of the time he goes right back, but other times he does have trouble going back to sleep. This is worth it for me in the long run though, because having a child sleep independently is a high priority.

If you lay down with her at 7 or 730, and then leave the room. You can cosleep for the rest of the night whenever you decide to go to bed.

Sleep changes stink!! DS is 5 months and we are working on the rock n play to crib transition....

[flashy09]

My 16 month old takes one nap from usually from 1030 - 1230 and then goes to bed between 630 and 7pm. She sleeps all the way to 730 am. Its amazing.

It got good when I moved her to her own crib and room at 7 months. She then slept 7pm - 7 am. But it could take me 45 minutes or more to get her asleep enough to transfer to the crib...we nursed and rocked and read and repeat and repeat! If she woke up in the night, I always went in. Just last month I did some sort of version of Ferber where I did the routine and then put her in her crib and came back in 5 minutes. BEST THING EVER!! She never got overly upset (she would have as a younger baby) and I knew she wasn't scared. I now put her in her crib at 630 every night and she talks to her stuffed animals for a bit and falls asleep. I don't have to put off dinner, babysitters, etc waiting for her to fall asleep. It also took care of any night wakings....she goes back out on her own. Works for her nap too.

If you are tired and want a schedule, I totally recommend her own crib and the "drowsy but awake" method to bed.

[queenmama]

Thanks for your feedback!

DH isn't ready for her to be in the crib, so we will have to address that at another time. We also discussed her bedtime and he thinks 8:00 is too early, because when he is working 7am-7pm he doesn't get home until after 8:00 so he wouldn't see her at all. And she will stay asleep if one of us is with her and wake up after a couple of hours if she's alone, so if it's 10:00 or so maybe we will have better success together!

We are going to start with establishing a bedtime (implementing a routine, bath & story every night before milkies in bed) and a wake up time, followed by a regular nap schedule, even if it means waking her before she's ready (something that goes way against my grain!). I will worry about night weaning once we have that part down!

I appreciate your input! I have forgotten all of this since DS was a baby, so it's extremely helpful to come to you all who are fresh from/still in the trenches!

Lara

[MSWR0319]

DS will be 1 in two weeks and we have a "rough" schedule. He takes his first nap about 2 hrs after he gets up and then takes his afternoon nap about 3-3.5 hrs after he gets up from his morning nap. We then put him to bed about 4-5 hrs after he got up from his afternoon nap. I refuse to wake him up in the mornings just because it's a certain time, so we just use the wake time in between as a nap instead of saying "At 7:30 he has to get up, 10 nap, etc".

[daisymommy]

I know your DH misses her and wants to see her at the end of the day, but biologically, most babies are tired and ready for bed by 7:30 at night, no matter when they woke up. It's all based on day/light sleep rhythms in our body. Not sure what to tell you about your DHs work schedule with that. But it's really not fair to keep her awake if she's tired.

Have you read Weissbluth's book? It's really good. It lays out the typical sleep norms and patterns for babies based upon age.
I'm a go with the flow kind of gal too, I nurse on demand, and we cosleep as well. But I found that seeing what is biologically typical for each age, of when most babies feel tired and how much sleep they need, made my life so much easier.

For this age, most babies wake up between 6-7 am, are wake for 3 hours, then sleep for an hour, awake 3 more hours, take their afternoon nap for 2 hours, then are ready for bed 3 or so hours later. Notice the rhythm?

I nurse my babe whenever she needs to during the day, put her down for naps in her crib (after nursing and rocking)--both for safety's sake so she doesn't fall out of bed, and so she will be familiar with her crib...did this with all 4 of my babies. Then at night put her to bed the same way, but when I come to bed, I take her into bed with me. She still nurses at night, which honestly is driving me insane. But her crib is in our bedroom (were out of space at our house!), and she won't sleep through the night with the smell of me right there. That's a post for another day though



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[TxCat]

I know your DH misses her and wants to see her at the end of the day, but biologically, most babies are tired and ready for bed by 7:30 at night, no matter when they woke up. It's all based on day/light sleep rhythms in our body. Not sure what to tell you about your DHs work schedule with that. But it's really not fair to keep her awake if she's tired.

Have you read Weissbluth's book? It's really good. It lays out the typical sleep norms and patterns for babies based upon age.
I'm a go with the flow kind of gal too, I nurse on demand, and we cosleep as well. But I found that seeing what is biologically typical for each age, of when most babies feel tired and how much sleep they need, made my life so much easier.

For this age, most babies wake up between 6-7 am, are wake for 3 hours, then sleep for an hour, awake 3 more hours, take their afternoon nap for 2 hours, then are ready for bed 3 or so hours later. Notice the rhythm?
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x 1000

We didn't cosleep, and we cut out nighttime nursing/feeding by 6 months (had to so that I could work), but otherwise the above is what we did as well. I started by making a chart/block schedule of DD's feeding times and sleeping times, and her own rhythm was fairly close in line with what was outlined in Weissbluth and Ferber. Both books also reiterate that if you want your child to sleep well through the night, and thus be well-rested, more pleasant, and better able to absorb new information during the day, you need to put them to bed at the "right" time at night. Most families fall into the habit of putting them to bed too late, for the reasons that you mentioned - one or more parents are working and they want to see the kids before bedtime. I totally get how hard that is - if I work late, sometimes I go 24-36 hours without seeing DD. But surely there are other times your DH will be able to see the kids. Maybe in the mornings before work?