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  1. #1
    mom3boys is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Default Why I regret being a SAHM

    Interesting, depressing essay on being a SAHM:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/grown-...b_3402691.html
    M, Mom to 3 handsome boys, '06, '08, '11

  2. #2
    athompson is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    I'm sorry she feels this way. I could not disagree with her more.
    Mommy to this one, that one and where is the other one?

  3. #3
    Kindra178 is online now Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default

    Thanks for posting. I definitely understand where she is coming from. This piece may be unpopular on the BBB and in the national press, but I think she raises many valid points.
    DS1 - 8
    DS2 - 6
    DS3 - 6

  4. #4
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    When she says "I let down those who went before me.", she overlooks something huge. Those who went before us wanted us to have a choice. And opportunities. She had both. She used both. After all, she "went home'. Some of our mothers never had to the chance to go to work in the first place.

    I just wished she didn't diss volunteer work. Before we decided to have a baby, I used to dream of retiring so I would have more time to do just that. And I think she is sadly mistaken about worrying more because she is home.
    New Mom to Smiling Boy 8/2013

  5. #5
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    It sounds like she didn't make the right choice for herself. But, I don't feel that way. Yes, I would enjoy working and am looking forward to it but it will never be my main focus. I see some folks on our boards who would probably feel like the author of that but I just don't. There are good things about being a SAHM and I choose to embrace those.
    ds1 '02
    ds2 '07

  6. #6
    hellokitty is online now Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    I can relate somewhat to some of her points. I wish I would have tried harder to at least keep working PT, to keep my skills, so when/if I was ready to re-enter the workforce on a more permanent basis, it would be easier. Right now, I've been a sahm for a little over 10 yrs and the whole idea of returning to work is daunting. I would basically have to start back at peon level and claw my way back up again, which is upsetting to think about, all of those yrs of my career, basically are worth nothing. I grew up with a mom who was a sahm, not by choice and I saw how unhappy she was, she always said that it was one of her biggest regrets. I don't think that being a sahm is for everyone and I don't think that being a wohm is for everyone either. I also think that this can be a case of the grass is greener on the other side. For as many sahm, who wished they would have been wohm, I bet there are lots of wohm who wished that they were sahms. There is no, "right" answer, it just depends on each individual what ends up working out for her.
    Mom to a LEGO master, LEGO apprentice,
    DUPLO kid & LEGO eating goat dog

    Member of the BBB I Love Brussels Sprouts Society, since 11/11

  7. #7
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    I find it insincere and clearly designed mostly to be provocative and thereby generate publicity. The author clearly had the education and resources to re-enter the work force and made an affirmative decision not to for two decades. That choice doesn't mesh with her lengthy list of "regrets."

  8. #8
    Liziz is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Thanks for posting. I read with interest....there were some parts that I disagreed with or seemed a bit off-base to me (I don't understand why volunteering is negative, for example), she also makes some points that I can understand. I have a fairly demanding job right now, and DH and I have talked about me staying home at some point (after another child, probably)....I always dreamed about being able to SAH with my kids at some point, but I also have some concerns that match closely with some of what's in this article.
    Lizi
    DD February 2012

  9. #9
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    some random thoughts after reading that crap:

    -what is she dead? dying? is it simply impossible for her to re-imagine or re-invent her future at this point? theoretically, she has nearly limitless time now to pursue anything at all her little heart desires. why is she wasting her time second guessing her life choices?

    -what a terrible attitude. first world problems.

    -a faint whiff of 1950s? what does that even mean?

    -did she never stop to think ahead to when the kids were grown? we all have to keep that in mind...someday they will be grown and we will need to find ourselves again...that goes for SAHPs and WOHPs. Empty nest syndrome is a real thing, IMO.

    -I can tell you she hasn't found her second calling in writing......
    Back on the bench

  10. #10
    maestramommy's Avatar
    maestramommy is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    I understand her regrets as it pertains to her situation, but I just can't relate.
    Melinda
    Mommy to
    Dora 10/01/05
    Arwyn 5/25/07
    Laurel 6/27/09

    "Mommy, I need to put on my goggles, because I have too much energy."


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