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  1. #11
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    I'm very sorry. I am not inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  2. #12
    OKKiddo is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    So apparently the high pitched and nervous tone that I detected was because he was guilty of taking the picture but not for the reasons that immediately jumped to my mind. After the initial confrontation I went about going to bed and he reached out to hold my hand. I point blank told him that I didn't believe him and that I knew he was lying to me about something. He said again that he understands why I would think that and how it would look to me, apologized again and told me that it's not for anything like I was thinking. Again, I could tell that he wasn't telling me everything--like he was defensive or holding something back. I just shook my head and I turned over and attempted to go to sleep and he sat straight up and pulled out his tablet.

    He got up not even 5 minutes later and came over to hug me and said very earnestly that he's sorry for hurting me and bringing back all of those memories but that he's not the same stupid guy he was then, that he has me and our three children and plans for our future together way past his retirement and that he wouldn't do something like that to jeopardize our future or our family. Then he tells me (with the hint of tears) that the reason he'd done it was very embarrassing for him but that he'd been trying to measure himself and keep track of his progress. Turns out he was doing penis enlargement exercises called Jelquing and he'd even made up an excel spreadsheet to track his progress. The last time that file was modified was in May of this year with measurements added (and the gross thing is he'd used my cloth measuring tape out of my sewing kit).

    I do believe him now and not just because I want to but because now I don't feel like he's hiding anything or trying to throw me off. I've already checked his cell and we can access each other's computer because we both have macs an he set up the access for us to do it (not out of mistrust but so that I pull what I need when I need without having to go downstairs and sneak past the kids into a room they would go nuts in).

    For those that don't remember (I've shared my experience with others on this board recently) my husband had an emotional affair years ago (around 9 years ago) after he returned from Iraq the first time. He was chatting with several different women behind my back but had gone further than the computer with one to the point that she would call him at his work phone and on his work cell. They were talking about me (him in a negative way--he even went so far as to say we were estranged even though I was sleeping in the bed next to him and struggling desperately to reach him) and he was making arrangements to meet her in his hometown without me. That particular relationship wreaked havoc on our marriage because when I found out about it I confronted him over and over and he didn't stop. It wasn't until I had enough and demanded better treatment and a faithful husband (online, offline) or I would leave him that he finally stopped. It took a long time for our relationship to rebound and rebuild and for us to really reconnect. It took even longer for me to really trust him again.

    I hate that even for things like this that my mind automatically goes down this path, that the blind trust I once had in him is gone forever and can't ever be gotten back. I wish others really understood how harmful it can be to have an emotional affair and the fallout that hits everyone from it. I know my husband is aware of the damage and is remorseful and hurt by his own actions. It's a pain that will scab and scar over but will never leave us unmarred for as long as we live. We love each other and we're committed to working on our relationship and I will continue to trust that instinct of mine, even when I hate what it's saying. I won't be a blind fool again.

  3. #13
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    So after being together for 9 years (or more?), he has now decided his penis isn't good enough and is doing enlargement exercises without ever mentioning it to you prior to this? Who exactly is he is enlarging it for? You, himself or other people?

    His story just doesn't sit right with me. I hope he's telling the truth.
    Last edited by tg_canada; 07-28-2013 at 04:04 PM.

  4. #14
    Corie's Avatar
    Corie is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by tg_canada View Post
    So after being together for 9 years (or more?), he has now decided his penis isn't good enough and is doing enlargement exercises without ever mentioning it to you prior to this? Who exactly is he is enlarging it for? You, himself or other people?

    His story just doesn't sit right with me. I hope he's telling the truth.
    I really hate to say it but I have to agree.
    Corie

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  5. #15
    mikala is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by tg_canada View Post
    So after being together for 9 years (or more?), he has now decided his penis isn't good enough and is doing enlargement exercises without ever mentioning it to you prior to this? Who exactly is he is enlarging it for? You, himself or other people?

    His story just doesn't sit right with me. I hope he's telling the truth.
    I was thinking the same thing. I'm especially puzzled by the photo. Why did he need photographic evidence of any, um, increase? Wouldn't numbers in a spreadsheet be enough to track "progress"? A photo is just begging to be shared with someone.

    Op, I really hope his strange story is the extent of it but wouldn't be ready to take this at face value quite yet. You obviously know your husband much better than the peanut gallery that is the Internet but from afar this seems fishy.

  6. #16
    liz is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I am so sorry OP

  7. #17
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Hugs. I read about that technique he's doing in the Playboy Advisor...and they totally say don't do it! Not at all healthy. Just grimacing if he's really doing that.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by OKKiddo View Post

    I hate that even for things like this that my mind automatically goes down this path, that the blind trust I once had in him is gone forever and can't ever be gotten back. I wish others really understood how harmful it can be to have an emotional affair and the fallout that hits everyone from it. I know my husband is aware of the damage and is remorseful and hurt by his own actions. It's a pain that will scab and scar over but will never leave us unmarred for as long as we live. We love each other and we're committed to working on our relationship and I will continue to trust that instinct of mine, even when I hate what it's saying. I won't be a blind fool again.
    Please don't beat yourself up about that. My first husband had an emotional affair and it's always in the back of my mind, even though I am now with someone else. As the saying goes, you are no longer a "virgin". You know what things like this can lead to, and you are wary, even if it is only subconsciously most of the time. In my case, I don't vocalize anything unless I think my husband just doesn't realize what's going on. (Like being in a bar after 7 without me, even if it is a work event, is sending the wrong message.) But he hasn't strayed. Yours has, so if your antennae tell you that something's not right, you have a right to get clarification. Trust your instincts. And if you think he is being faithful, let him know that you appreciate him giving you reassurance.

  9. #19
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    I'm in the minority, but it doesn't particularly ring alarm bells for me. I'll preface this by explaining that I'm single and probably have more male friends than female. Sometimes they treat me a little too much like one of the guys and I hear the weirdest "man stuff". This totally sounds like one of the dumb things guys do. Unless he rivals Ron Jeremy, most guys have some insecurity in that department. And if a new, uh, method becomes available, he'll want to try it. Even if he's been married for 50 years and never gotten any complaints. They worry that we're disappointed and that we're just being polite. Given your history, maybe trust but verify is the way to go. I completely understand your distress, but it may not be anything more than he says it is.

    Am I the only one who now wants to go Google this? LOL
    Catherine

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    and "Bonus Mom" to:
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  10. #20
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    lmh2402 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    and more

    it sucks to have to doubt and never forget the hurtful (horrible) stuff
    mama to my awesome sporty boy (4/09) , precocious little girl (7/12) , and loving doggies (10/05 & 1/14)

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