S/O NYT Piece on Parental Involvement in School

[hellokitty]

IDK, I find the article to be kind of vague. Parent volunteers at school, despite what some of you may think, are a necessity. When I volunteer at school, it is to the benefit of the kids in that entire class or the entire school, depending what role I am playing (I'm also active in the PTO, I coordinated a fundraiser to help raise $ for new playground expansion, it was very successful). The teachers have so much to do, if they express the need for volunteers in their class, I think that it is ok. Generally speaking, our school does not like parent volunteers in classes after from grade 2+. However, some teachers still ask parents for help with housekeeping (copying, cutting, field trips, parties, etc.) type of things. While the pre-k to first grade, a lot of the parent volunteers are actively interacting with the children, you might be set up at a certain center to help kids with that particular learning activity or assessment, etc.. Now, I will not deny that it is, "nice" to get to know the school staff as a volunteer and you gleen off information or you get to observe some of the inner workings of the school that you may not aware of, as a parent who isn't involved. However, I also do not think that all parents who volunteer, do so, just to give their child a leg up. I will admit that this article rubs me the wrong way. I do volunteer at my kids' school. However, I do it to help the teacher, so that he/she gets the support/help needed so that they can do their jobs to teach the kids and instead of dealing with some of the smaller issues. Our school is not staffed as well as it should be, so I definitely feel that teachers can use the extra help. Some choose to utilize volunteers, some don't, but the school secretaries, who know EVERYONE in the building always comment to us, "you should be paid for all that you do." Meaning, those of us who regularly volunteer at the school, and I do not find that there is a clique of volunteer parents or anything that rule the roost, I know some of the other volunteers, but we were friends before our kids started school. I'm not doing it just for my kids, but it is a way to provide support for our community (public school).

As for homework help, I do look over what my kids do. I want to make sure that they are at least on the right track, esp if it is a subject that they might have trouble with. I don't think that's helicopter parenting, I think it's just responsible parenting. I want to be aware of what they are working on at school, I guess I don't see anything wrong with that. I rarely contact the teacher over my child's assignments, usually if I do, it's due to confusion (from my child) of what they are supposed to do.

[egoldber]

I read this article a few weeks ago in The Atlantic. It's about the same study.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...mework/358636/

As parents, I think we like to think that increased involvement is helpful to our kids. But I think mommy111 is spot on with this:

I see parental involvement hindering every single day: I have friends who hover and help kids with homework instead of letting them struggle and take things that they don't understand back to the teacher. I see parents becoming class parents and then intervening when their kid are with friends at school....instead of letting them learn how to cope with interpersonal issues. I see parents organizing homework for their kids instead of letting kids take personal responsibility for what they do and how they organize it. Now, I personally think all these things are very harmful to kids

And while I don't think every parent who helps with homework is hindering, but I think that many are at best not that helpful and at worst undermine their kids confidence in themselves and keep their kids from learning their own coping strategies. Some nights I have to just leave the room because I can't stand to watch my kids struggle with what is such an easy task, but I try really, really, really hard not to intervene, because them learning how to work it out themselves is incredibly important.

I think it's interesting that the study shows that one of the few ways that parents can directly influence academic achievement in a measurable way is to get a child a better, more effective classroom teacher is one way that is often VERY frowned on.

[georgiegirl]

Parent volunteers are necessary in my district. With class sizes so far being 25-27 in K-2, the teachers are very appreciative of help. In K, I helped the kids who were behind so the would get extra attention. In first, I did portfolios and cut paper for projects, so the teacher wouldn't have to spend her nights and weekends doing it.

I don't help DD much with homework, but she rarely gets it. I tell her to do it, and if she asks for help, I help. If not, I don't even look at it.

[essnce629]

I see parental involvement hindering every single day: I have friends who hover and help kids with homework instead of letting them struggle and take things that they don't understand back to the teacher. I see parents becoming class parents and then intervening when their kid are with friends at school....instead of letting them learn how to cope with interpersonal issues. I see parents organizing homework for their kids instead of letting kids take personal responsibility for what they do and how they organize it. Now, I personally think all these things are very harmful to kids but I do have friends who think my hands off approach is crazy (ie kids taking unfinished hw back to school so that teachers cn see what concepts they don't understand). Now, of course if my DC had problems with something, I would intervene right away and get extra help as needed, but I also want to teach my kids to be independent, resourceful and hard working and not learn to lean on me
Or you could just say I'm a lazy parent

As a mom of a 5th grader I have to say that I agree. DS1's teachers for the past 3 years have said not to help with homework and that if the child can't do it then to leave it blank so that she can see what exactly the kids are having trouble with so she can go over it more in class. If the parents help constantly then the teacher has no idea the kids are struggling. And I will say that in the almost 11 years I've been a parent, not once have I emailed, called, or sent a note in saying DS1 or I need clarification on a homework assignment, project, grade, etc. If DS1 has a problem, then I want him to go to his teacher and ask for help. I have friends who sit next to their child the entire time they do their homework and go over every single problem to make sure they are right. I don't have time for that and how is my child going to be able to get assignments done on his own when I'm not there to help him? His math is too difficult for me now to be able to look at it and help easily, so any help he needs has to come from his teacher since I'm not about to sit down and try to relearn everything that I learned years ago. I never look in DS1's backpack or check that his homework is in his folder. That's his job. And yes, on more than one occasion he's forgotten to do something or turn something in because of it! But our school really pushes the idea that we parents have to allow our children to fail at some point. After forgetting his homework several times he learned to put it right in his backpack when he finishes etc. I will give him ideas to help him get better organized, but I will not do it myself. My best friend and her husband are both teachers (elementary school and middle school) and it's crazy how many emails and calls they get daily from parents questioning the grade their child got on a test, etc! These are the parents that are still calling their kids professors when they are away from home and in college (and yes those parents do exist). I want my child to take responsibility for his own school work and activities. Not once do I ever remember my mom helping me with homework or a paper and I did extremely well in school. Now if DS1 was struggling I'd encourage him to go to his teacher and get extra help or I'd find him an outside tutor to help him.

[essnce629]

I think it's interesting that the study shows that one of the few ways that parents can directly influence academic achievement in a measurable way is to get a child a better, more effective classroom teacher is one way that is often VERY frowned on.

Yes to this! I did step in and actually pulled DS1 out of his school 2 weeks into the school year after having several not so great teachers and realizing that his current school was never going to work for him. Best parental decision I ever made as we've had nothing but extraordinary teachers at his new independent charter school.

[TwinFoxes]

Parent volunteers at school, despite what some of you may think, are a necessity. When I volunteer at school, it is to the benefit of the kids in that entire class or the entire school, depending what role I am playing...

Now, I will not deny that it is, "nice" to get to know the school staff as a volunteer and you gleen off information or you get to observe some of the inner workings of the school that you may not aware of, as a parent who isn't involved. However, I also do not think that all parents who volunteer, do so, just to give their child a leg up.

i agree. I think people have no idea what volunteers in some schools do. One of the things I volunteer for my DCs don't even know I am in the school. Its a shift where I do things like running the tool and die machine, the binding machine, the laminator. I do it so the teachers and TAs don't have to do it...I doubt my laminating the art works of kids I've never met impact my kids directly, but it improves the school. Volunteers at DD's school shelve books in the library, staff the medical clinic, and serve as lunch room helpers (you know those gogurts, Capri suns, and other hard to open items...volunteers are opening them for your DCs). If the volunteers weren't doing these tasks, money would be coming out of the budget, or jobs just wouldn't be done. A volunteer runs our after school language program. These things don't just appear magically at school, volunteers organize them. It they're what makes our school desirable.

A lot of things mentioned in the article as negatives I thought "well, duh". I think people will read the headline and convince themselves that not helping at school is a good thing, when it's not.

[niccig]

If I didn't volunteer in DS's class every Tuesday, the class would not go to the library. No parent volunteer, no library time for all 27 kids. Then I stay and help in the library for another class who doesn't have enough volunteers. Those 50 kids all benefit from parent volunteers. The library is funded 100% by the foundation that is run... drum Roll.. by parents. Many schools in our district no longer have a library. DS still gets a school library because of the parents being involved.

And of course doing the kids work for them hinders their learning - thats not anything new. I know some parents do this, but lumping all parent involvement as not helping is way too general.

[MelissaTC]

If I didn't volunteer in DS's class every Tuesday, the class would not go to the library. No parent volunteer, no library time for all 27 kids. Then I stay and help in the library for another class who doesn't have enough volunteers. Those 50 kids all benefit from parent volunteers. The library is funded 100% by the foundation that is run... drum Roll.. by parents. Many schools in our district no longer have a library. DS still gets a school library because of the parents being involved.

And of course doing the kids work for them hinders their learning - thats not anything new. I know some parents do this, but lumping all parent involvement as not helping is way too general.

I also volunteer weekly in the media center at M's middle school. Their staff has been cut to one full-time one part-time and one full-time every other week. Parent volunteers shelving, moving displays, covering new books and doing general grunt work allow the staff to teach and interact with the students. I've spent two hours doing tedious tasks like labeling headphones with a sharpie or laminating cutout Twitter birds. But those birds were then used for an amazing Twitter display where the kids were able to "tweet" what they love about the media center. And they do love it. Parents are truly needed to help keep that place going.

[janine]

I agree with Niccig and others, this article/blog is way too general and vague. There are other things I can think of that are more concerning to our society than too much parental involvement! I didn't really interpret this article at first glance as being a critique of helicopter parenting as it is pretty general, but of course intrusive, disruptive and ovebearing involvement can be counterproductive and potentially harmful and definitely annoying to all around! But involvementt with your kids and school? Awareness, volunteering in general? Of course everyone has their own style and differing degrees of involvement, but who's to say what's right if it suits the needs and issues that family faces. Same if someone has low level involvement or lets their kids watch TV and so on and son on.

I personally am more hands offs but my kids are not yet in grade school. It is not my nature to be involved with group events being more of an introvert (the idea of PTA makes me anxious, lol) but I always assumed volunteering or being in the PTA was a good way to be more aware of what was going on (while helping), and was coinsidering it myself when the time comes (and reducing my WOHM hours). I think of volunteering as filling a need that public school may not have the resources for and better us than no one. If my child was in private school (and preschool now)for example, I would not think to volunteer. If I found out the public school had no real need for me, and the PTA was in line with the best interests of student,etc. I'd be happy to go on my way!

[dogmom]

I guess I looked at it to counter the taken for granted concept that parental involvement is not just always good, but if not present is bad for the kid. When I go in to volunteer I consider half of the time busy work that I'm not sure really helps any kids learn. I loathe those chaotic "activity days" where we have different stations to do some vague crafty thing based on the academic theme. Like Ocean day where we made paper link chains of the food chain. Nice concept, but what do you know, the kids that like crafty things got it done, the kids that didn't took too long and didn't finish, and I think one kid might have made the connection to the food chain for more than 60 seconds. They are nice to see what is happening and get to know in the classroom, but sometimes I wonder about the work putting them together vs. payoff for academics.

I completely undertand the help of parents coming in to answer phones, do prep work, etc. etc. Helps plug the holes. But sometimes as a working parent one has to decide am I taking vacation time off to volunteer or do I take vacation time off to be with my family. I don't want the guilt and a false sense of the academic weight to effect the decision. I'm not going to even get into the homework/project issues.