Let it go, or mention to the teacher?

[ahisma]

I'm awful at deciding when to let something blow over and when to bring it to the teacher's attention. Hoping for some BBB wisdom.

DS1 is in 1st grade, he's a rule follower (unlike his older and younger siblings - I had to get ONE rule follower, right?). There are two issues that I'm pondering.

1) They get a reward for getting into class on time in the morning. DS is up, dressed and ready to go a good 30 minutes before we have to leave, but it's a battle to get him out the door. He wants to go to school, but not on time. After some digging he said that it's because his locker neighbor sits in front of his locker and refuses to move, makes a scene and embarrasses him. DS2 confirms the story. It's in line with my interactions with her - she's sweet but has no boundaries. She's up against a lot in life and I have a soft spot for her, but she is very abrasive and I don't doubt that DS1 struggles to work through it. Should I let him deal and miss out on rewards (he'll live) or mention it to the teacher?

2) DS1 was punched on the playground today, during a soccer game. Not accidental, there was a disagreement and he got sucker punched. His best friend has already left the game because kids were cheating - my guess is that DS1 tried to enforce rules (he's that kind of kid) and it didn't go over well. He's told the teacher, I haven't heard a peep from her but do trust her response. I'm inclined to let it go - but did that in the past with a different teacher and regretted it (wasn't handled well).

ETA: I'm in the classroom 2x/week, chipping in because they couldn't afford aides this year. I could easily mention it without scheduling a meeting...just not sure either issue calls for discussion with the teacher.

[PZMommy]

Speaking as a teacher, I'd certainly mention the first issue.

For the second issue, if he told the teacher about it, I'd let it go. Unless it is a serious issue or an issue that happen frequently, I don't always notify parents of every little thing that happens on the playground. If an injury was involved that would get written up so a parent would be notified. But if kids get into a scuffle or something and it is a one time issue, I will talk to the students involved, give consequences if appropriate and move on.

[JustMe]

I would definitely talk to the teacher about #1. That sounds like a lot to have a young child try to navigate. Also, I am betting that the reason they have a reward system in place is b/c its really important to them that kids get there on time...so I would think they'd want to know if something were interfering with that. None of the above is about him missing the reward.

[Indianamom2]

I think I'd mention the first incident involving the locker, but I'd probably let the second one go, unless it becomes an ongoing issue.

[Kindra178]

I think I would mention both. RE: the punch, I would present it more like, "I know you heard about it, do you know what happened? How can we prevent same in the future?"

[BunnyBee]

I'd mention both. Does your school not do incident reports when a child is hurt? Being punched in the face should get a note home to let the parent know what happened, how the school responded, etc. Especially for a first grader, who isn't exactly the best communicator. Most parents would be concerned when their child tells them he got punched. Poor kiddo! He's having a rough week.

[sste]

Yikes! I am always on the end of trying to get DS to handle things (in our case he is a natural born tattler!) but these would give me pause.

On the punch, I would def. call/ask when you are volunteering to find out the policy on incident reports. I am pretty sure that in our school something like that, where the teacher knows, generates an incident report and a note home. You can also ask the teacher the school/classroom policy for dealing with physical violence and whether in her opinion the boys need additional supervision, a cooling off period, some other.

On the locker, has your son tried talking to the other child and saying "I don't like that. I need to get to my locker"? Or making a gesture of "move over" while he talks to her? One of our friends' daughter had a classmate with special needs/sensory issues who loved/unintentionally tormented friends' daughter. Well friends' daughter is brilliant! She figured out that the other child was not very responsive to language and actually created a palm out in front of her chest stop gesture she would use with "Wait!" The hand signal was a prompt the other child was much more responsive to in terms of not rushing in, getting hyper/physical, messing up a game, etc. Personally, I would have my kid try a few times to talk to/signal to the other child, then I would have him ask the teacher for help solving the problem and practice with him explaining that is every day, and if that didn't work I would call. You may be well past the initial efforts by your kid phase here and some situations do require adult intervention and modeling absolutely!

[ahisma]

Thanks for all of the input, I overanalyze these things and still feel like I wind up doing the wrong thing.

Re: the locker - I feel for the girl, she's up against a ton of adversity. Her brother is in my teen's grade, I know the family story that this girl doesn't have an easy time of it. She's super sassy, but sweet if you can get through to her. I think it's a situation where she's super scrappy because she has to be, but doesn't know how to moderate. My DS1 is not scrappy at all, he's a big pushover. It's tough because her uncle is there in the morning and just watches this all happen, so it feels odd to correct her (although I have no qualms about correcting her in the classroom when she's at my table, and while she balks initially she does come around). Maybe *I* should try being assertive and modeling for my DS, uncle be damned. It could backfire though, she's definitely kicked my shins before, LOL! I don't blame DS for being intimidated! If that doesn't work, we'll move on up to the teacher.

Re: the punch - I think I may let this one slide for the moment. I do know that he's told the teacher and she is typically very good at handling issues. As I've learned more I'm pretty convinced that it's not a bullying type thing. DS1 was "refereeing" a soccer game and the kid didn't like the call. Not okay, but I don't think that's it's so much a situation of him being targeted, more a case of a kid being hot-headed. I'm going to let it play out a bit, knowing the DS1 has close buddies there with him who will help if needed (DS is not a physical kid, I worry about him being able to physically defend himself if needed).

So hard to let these little people go out into the world - I'm not a helicopter parent, but I agonize over this stuff!