Update in #10--try to stick with this agency or not

[JustMe]

Trying to make a long story short, and I have bits and pieces of this on my previous threads, but couldn't find one that summed it all up, I have worked with a local special ed mediation agency for years. I had one worker who was good but left, second worker was awful-he was brand new and it was clear he didn't know what he was doing in the first meeting he attended. I e-mailed the supervisor and nicely explained my case was complicated and I thought I needed someone more seasoned--she sent a nice e-mail back and switched me. That worker was great at first--very thorough and knowledgeable. It then became clear it me that she would avoid anything that looked like confrontation (and I use that word loosely) like the plague--but she did some good things like connecting me to the spec ed administrator where I was able to advocate well myself.

Things continued and the worker seemed to be having a hard time--saying things like my case was the hardest she had worked with (how am I supposed to feel?), stating herself that it is not her job to be confrontational, and then frequently suggesting I switch to another worker. I said no thanks to that, as I felt she knew the case and the issues were with the school district...and the non-confrontational part seemed to be an agency thing not her. The supervisor called me once stating that she heard I was unhappy with my worker (I never said that) but spent most of the call telling me what I can't do...it was very disempowering, but in the end I decided to use it to empower myself (long story).

Dd is going to middle school and I have hand-picked this school for her. I believe the principal and teachers really care and feel hope she will finally get some of her needs met. However, I think this agency's involvement could be helpful as the school district seems scared of them and dd is "unique" and very well-intentioned educators miss some significant struggles she has. In May, my worker seemed to be getting more and more off base, I felt I was triggering her by my persistence and assertiveness regarding dd's rights. I left her a message stating I wanted to take her suggestion that I transfer to the worker she suggested (she suggested one in particular that she called a "bulldog" and another parent -friend of a friend-ended up suggesting the same person after I told her of my situation). She forwarded my request to the supervisor. I did not hear back from the supervisor, so e-mailed a few days ago. She replied that she would like to talk with me by phone about my request. My big question is should I continue with this agency or just go it on my own--there are no other choices other than attorneys and I am not there now. Of course, I will pay careful attention to how the supervisor treats me/what she says, but any advice would be appreciated---or just wishing me luck would be great too!

Sorry this is so long. I hope someone makes it all the way through!!

[Sweetum]

My opinion is that you should definitely move on from the case worker if you haven't already. About the agency - I would talk to the supervisor before firing them. If you really believe that they are adding value and that they are the only ones in your area providing that service, I would try to make it work. But not at the cost of giving up my goals. Maybe it means that you do need to step up to the next level, of hiring an attorney. Also, a lot of attorneys do a free initial consultation and I would try to do that and also ask about advocate connections. Usually attorneys are connected to advocates that they refer to. Maybe there is someone, an independent practitioner, in your area that you missed. Also, if the current agency is trying to fire you, then they may also be the ones who can suggest someone more fit for your case.

I know it's hard to move on from someone who knows you well, but sometimes you ahve to for a better outcome. good luck!!!

[JustMe]

Thanks so much for the time reading and for the reply!!

I am definitely moving on from that particular caseworker. There is definitely no one else in the area, who is not an attorney. I am hopeful that things will improve at the new school, so do not feel the timing is right for an attorney. Yes, you have a good point, I will continue working with this agency if it is not at the cost of giving up my goals--in fact, they should be supportive of my goals (because I do believe they are reasonable goals that are necessary for dd to have an appropriate education)...so thanks so much!

[Pepper]

I agree with bull kin...if you are concerned about how the conversation with the supervisor will go, you could always say something like, you have been working with the current caseworker for a while and she was good but it's clear that as your daughter has gotten older and her need have evolved, it's not as good of a fit as it once was.

Hang in there...I had to fire my son's therapeutic mentor recently, and I was SO nervous about speaking to the supervisor, but she was totally fine and actually really nice about everything, and it's worked out very well in the end.

[JustMe]

Thank you so much.

Part of my issue is that this supervisor has been very nice in the further back past, and I know many people who know her who speak very highly of her, but she was downright insulting/condescending the last time I spoke to her, which was when she called me. I really don't care about all of that as much as it really felt like she was trying to put me in my place, which made me question how much I should trust the agency in general--so that is what I will be monitoring when I talk with her. Also, my worke has talked about me with her and I feel like she may not have a good opinion of me..and I need to monitor if that is something that will be a part of any worker I try to work with there--not that I care if they like me or not for personal reasons, but because I do need them to know that I am a rational, reasonable person---but also one who will advocate hard for my daughter as she needs it.

[Pepper]

Thank you so much.

Part of my issue is that this supervisor has been very nice in the further back past, and I know many people who know her who speak very highly of her, but she was downright insulting/condescending the last time I spoke to her, which was when she called me. I really don't care about all of that as much as it really felt like she was trying to put me in my place, which made me question how much I should trust the agency in general--so that is what I will be monitoring when I talk with her. Also, my worke has talked about me with her and I feel like she may not have a good opinion of me..and I need to monitor if that is something that will be a part of any worker I try to work with there--not that I care if they like me or not for personal reasons, but because I do need them to know that I am a rational, reasonable person---but also one who will advocate hard for my daughter as she needs it.

Sorry, I missed your concern with the supervisor...Please let us know how things go. If it was just one "off" conversation, maybe the supervisor had some other issue going on in her life or work and it filtered down to you. If it's a pattern then I'd be more concerned.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Its is SO frustrating when you feel that the service providers aren't doing their jobs and let stuff like this get in the way.

[JustMe]

Thanks, Pepper! I will update after I speak to her, which won't be until sometime next week as her e-mail said she will be out of the office until then.

[inmypjs]

I would definitely switch. The fact that the worker herself was volunteering to switch is a big red flag for me - clearly she doesn't have the ability and/or desire to work for you and your child. I hope your conversation with the supervisor goes well.

[JustMe]

Conversation with the supervisor will be happening on Friday. I'm nervous--not sure if I am more nervous that she may berate me or that one of us may find that it is just not a good fit for me to continue to work with that agency--I think the possible combo of both of those is what I am the most nervous about!

[JustMe]

Spoke with the supervisor today will try to make this as brief as possible. Overall, I think it went pretty well. She definitely was not as condescending as last time...but I also think she was being very careful. She asked my concerns, and then did admit that she thought the worker was burned out on the case. Good. However, she noted that my file was very big, that they got calls from the district about my case, that they thought things would improve after X happened and they didn't (all true), she then seemed to have the attitude of how could the worker not be burned out...well, how am I supposed to feel? I didn't want any of that, and also though things would improve after X happened..anyway, there were some other good things she said, but then she also voiced concern that since I am a professional in the community if things did not go well with the worker I was requesting that I would say things that would damage their reputation in the community. What? I only said that it was hard for me to hear that I would be denied service as a parent based on my professional role in the community.

In the end, we agreed that she would talk to the worker I was requesting and see if she agreed with our case being assigned to her(which I actually think is good, I don't want to work with anyone who doesnt want to work with me based on what a co-worker has said to them). We agreed that if that worker is willing the worker and I will meet to see if we think we should work together (this was actually my idea--I have a concern that the agency has put me in a negative category and I don't want to work with them if that is the case)...so, I now I wait to hear back from her to see if that meeting will happen.

Supervisor did verbalize that the worker I asked to be switch to is very strong, but sometimes even too strong with parents and that this could be a problem. I actually appreciated that as one of my fears is that this worker will (either by her wants or someone else's) use her skills to try to reign me in--that's not what I want..so, we'll see what happens.

Why am I sticking with this agency (or at least trying to see if this worker and I can work together) you ask? Because the school district seems to take notice when they are involved and is more on their toes-and that seems necessary given our history. At the very least, glad the convo with the supervisor is over.