WOHP - What is your long term plan

[janine]

This is probably going to be a rambling post - I have never been so torn in my working life. In general I'm a decisive person but I really feel different goals in various directions, and maybe only other working moms can understand, I know there are many here.

First of all I never stopped working and commuting and had my kids while at my current firm. It is finance, HCOL, pay is decent. Job is easy as I've continually turned down better options in order to maintain my life balance. I was given one day WFH which made things so much easier, no commute, time to do laundry - drop off / pick up, dr. appts etc.

I have had alot of help with my mother assisting with the kids.
Now my kids are 3 and 6, so they still need alot of carpooling but we survived those early years without me quitting! DH's job is similar to mine as are our salaries. I have however started to become miserable at my job, mommy track has its pros and cons.

I now have offer for a more substantial role, 25% more pay (more than DH at that point), but no more WFH Fridays. Totally torn mostly because I feel guilt ridden over possibly opting for $ instead of time home with my kids and we don't NEED the $ but it always helps and maybe someday I wouldn't have to work? Essentially if I stopped working we'd survive but a 50% is still big change in a family's standard of living.

So this brings me to the long term questions for other moms who work. Do you plan on always working? What is the goal of 2 incomes, to just make the bills or for the best life you can have? Do you worry you will be in that comfortable financial spot you are working towards at some point but then your kids are teenagers and not really as interested in you home more anyway? I just get clouded vision during times like this, do I push myself to full potential on all angles or am I just getting on too many treadmills. Then again I don't like being miserable day to day at work but the trade off is more hours home with the people who matter.

Just curious how others manage these thoughts or if they see things clearer.

[egoldber]

For the first 5 years I was back at work, I did a job that was very easy. But I was getting bored. I did recently take a transfer to a position with more responsibility. But I still have a lot of flexibility, telework, etc. My job doesn't sound that glamorous, I work on surveys for the federal government. It's not hard work (physically), it's intellectually stimulating, the work environment is pleasant, the benefits are excellent, and most people/management are very cognizant of work/family balance. If you can work within the behemoth of the bureacracy we have, it's great work IMO. There are a huge number of women in the federal workforce for this reason.

My long term plan is to work until I qualify for retirement and then I'll see. I can retire at 58 with almost a full pension, and at 61 with full pension. I want to retire from my day job and have enough money and be young/healthy enough to be able to travel, visit my kids, grandkids, and perhaps explore a second career/passion. I have seen many, many, many people forced to work until they die because they can't afford to retire and I really don't want to do that. Or are forced to retire because of a health issue and then live in poverty unless their kids take them in or give them money. Including my own parents.

Right now all of my earnings after taxes go into savings. The majority of it is earmarked for college funds, but if the kids don't need it, then it's all the more for our retirement. We live on DH's salary and still save a lot of his too.

ETA: As far as the kids go, while it would make things easier logistically if I was a SAH parent, it would also create a lot of stress. We have comfortable retirement savings and will be able to pay for almost any college they want to attend. That reduces a lot of stress for us.

[niccig]

. I want to retire from my day job and have enough money and be young/healthy enough to be able to travel, visit my kids, grandkids, and perhaps explore a second career/passion. I have seen many, many, many people forced to work until they die because they can't afford to retire and I really don't want to do that. Or are forced to retire because of a health issue and then live in poverty unless their kids take them in or give them money. Including my own parents.

I'm not full-time WOH yet, but will be next year when I finish grad school. Main reason for me to be working is financial. Yes, we can manage on DH's salary, but our retirement and college savings are not enough. Like Beth, I've seen too many people that can't retire or rely on family to support them. I do not want that for DS. An added complication is in DH's field he will have to retire early. We've seen 2 very accomplished colleague get laid off at 55 and have trouble finding work, and their wives who hadn't worked in 30 years, tried to find work and couldn't. We know this will happen and the plan is to save my salary now and when DH can no longer get work, we'll move. My new career is much more portable and in demand than my old job, so I should be able to find a new job pretty easily.

I will though be mommy-tracked. I'm probably going to go into schools to be a SLP. I would like to work elsewhere, but you can't beat the school schedule when have kids. I may try to move into a different area when DS is out of school, but I probably won't be able to go into the medical side of my job. I'll need to do that now, it's tough to get work and you have to put in way more hours than I'm able to do now.

[AnnieW625]

Do you plan on always working?
Yes, although if we are able to move back to Nor Cal I will consider working part time until my kids are in high school if we are able to find a place with a lower mortgage than what we have now. DH and I never really discussed me not working pre kids because we never really had the opportunity (DH was out of full time engineering related work the first 18 mos. we were married, and then we moved here and knew it was virtually impossible to live on one income). Like the op I have never stopped working, it has been a constant since 5 days after I graduated from college. Despite my previous complaints this summer about my supervisor being inflexible, my job hours are still fairly flexible and I get more than enough vacation hours to cover the times I need to leave early, cover a day or two here when daycare or school is closed (DH and I switch) and I get enough sick leave as well to cover doctors visits, and stay home with the kids when they are sick. The pay may not be the best, but the flexibility does make up for that. A work from home day would be nice, but I have never had that option.

What is the goal of 2 incomes, to just make the bills or for the best life you can have?
It is both. Without a second income we probably wouldn't have been able to buy our house, send dd1 to Catholic school and the wonderful in home daycare center she went to and we have had the same plan for DD2. Of course one could argue that because I work we have more bills (business casual work wear, dry cleaning, daycare, house cleaner, etc), but I really like to think that quality of life comes out in those bills we pay off every month (and like I said in the my other thread it isn't all that extravagant at all). My plan is to retire sometime between the age of 55 and 57 or if I really love my job at the time then maybe I'll work until I am 60, which is strangely only 23 yrs. away, DD1 will 31, and DD2 will be 27. One bonus of working so long and having my kids when I did is that I will still be working when they are in high school and college so while I do wonder about paying for college it is a big stress reliever to know that I will still be working while they are in college, dd2 will be 22 if I retire at 55 because I am sure the bulk of my income will be going to college payments.

Do you worry you will be in that comfortable financial spot you are working towards at some point but then your kids are teenagers and not really as interested in you home more anyway?
No I really don't, although I am not sure I want to pay for Catholic or private high school as I would rather save that money for college. I would hope that I will have promoted by the time my kids are in high school or at least I will be back to working full time (if I were to find a part time position if finances allowed that) so we would have more income on the table to help add to my DDs college fund.

I just get clouded vision during times like this, do I push myself to full potential on all angles or am I just getting on too many treadmills. Then again I don't like being miserable day to day at work but the trade off is more hours home with the people who matter.
If I were in your shoes I would take the promotion, yes kids are only young once, but based on what my friends have said who have said it gets harder when you have older kids. This is coming from someone who is in a position to get promoted now and I am trying to do my best to make that happen.

[basil]

So this brings me to the long term questions for other moms who work. Do you plan on always working? What is the goal of 2 incomes, to just make the bills or for the best life you can have? Do you worry you will be in that comfortable financial spot you are working towards at some point but then your kids are teenagers and not really as interested in you home more anyway? I just get clouded vision during times like this, do I push myself to full potential on all angles or am I just getting on too many treadmills. Then again I don't like being miserable day to day at work but the trade off is more hours home with the people who matter.

I work because I can't imagine myself as a SAHM

I'm a physician (surgeon) and it's been "what I want to be when I grow up" since I can remember; I didn't always want to be a mom. I do plan on always working, it's not about money although it's nice, it's about what I want to accomplish in my career.

My DH is a physician too, so we could definitely survive on one income pretty comfortably. But I know enough about myself that I would not be happy long term not working.

Now, that's not to say that I have noticed that certain things are more difficult for me than my male colleagues with SAHWs. Evening meetings, traveling to conferences, etc., and I have felt like not being able to do these things very easily holds me back a little professionally. I don't push myself to my fullest extent professionally because I have a family and need to get home, so things would be very different if I didn't have kids.

I will work until retirement age most likely, but would eventually like to cut back to 4 days a week. I don't have a specific financial goal in mind to do this, but I do want to get to a certain point in my career when I can do that and maintain my referral base, etc. I'm hoping this will happen around the time my kids get school age. I sort of feel like not working a day a week will be even more fun/useful then as I'll be able to do more than just sit around and nurse/play/etc. I'm better w bigger kids anyway

[twowhat?]

I'm subscribing even though I'm not technically a WOHP, but I WFH full-time and have a demanding, client-oriented job requiring some travel, so all the things that I thought would be great working from home - laundry, getting dinner started, keeping the house clean - those things don't happen on a regular basis because I typically need every minute of the day to get stuff done. When I do have a break, it's only a few min here or there to run to the bathroom, grab my lunch, or get on the BBB And then I often have to work in the evenings after the kids are in bed so there goes that time too. And it's still a major struggle to deal with doctors appts etc and planning them around my client meetings (which can pop up last minute).

I would honestly LOVE a less demanding part time job because, right now, the pendulum is too far to the "job" side of my life, especially in combination with DH's very travel-extensive job. However, I'm also at a point where I'm actually moving up in my career - I have a boss who likes me and fully recommends me for promotions, etc. I feel like it would be foolish (NOT saying anyone is foolish to do otherwise, just that *I* would feel foolish) to not try to reap the full benefits of where I am right now. So, the current plan is to work my way up as high as I can and then (maybe?) I will feel like I'm in a position where I can say "hey, I want to work part-time." I don't actually see that going over well in my industry, but it's probably not impossible. And there's always freelancing, and a freelance career would probably be helped by me getting as far up the ladder in the industry as possible. The current plan is to sock away as much as possible for retirement, etc. and then hope in the future that this allows us to cut back on job stuff.

The goal of 2 incomes is really that. Since we are able to, NOW, and both have good jobs and growing career paths, we feel like we need to get ourselves to the best financial point possible so that if something happens down the line - a health issue, or loss of a job, or simply wanting "less" of a job...that we would be able to pull it off.

I really struggle with this too, because THIS is the age that my kids want me involved, would love for me to volunteer at their school, etc. When they're teenagers, they won't be interested in being around me as much. But...if I take away from my career NOW, it'll be that much harder to try to get back in when they're teenagers, when I'm older and less desirable and may demand more money than the younger folks who are early and blazing in their career paths...and by that point we might be feeling financial pressure to get back on the career path because we decided to take a financial hit when our kids were younger. It really feels like a catch-22.

So, I feel your pain, OP!!

[stefani]

Janine,

For the most part I have always been working or looking for work since DS was born as well. My DS is 11-years-old, so older than yours. I have also been not working (not by choice) so I have experienced SAHM periods.
Do you plan on always working?
For now, yes. I discovered that for me, I need to work. Not necessarily a good thing, but my identity is still tied to my work. I need to work on that, but for the moment, I am happier when I work and make money.

What is the goal of 2 incomes, to just make the bills or for the best life you can have?
To have more leeways in our financial situation. I contribute substantial percentage to our family income, so it makes a difference whether I work or not. With two working spouses, we are also less vulnerable to economic downturn. I just feel that financially we are more secure when both of us are working.

Do you worry you will be in that comfortable financial spot you are working towards at some point but then your kids are teenagers and not really as interested in you home more anyway?
DS is almost a teenager, and I feel that I need to spend more time with him actually. I feel that I need to influence him more now, although it is harder, because he wants to spend more time with his friends and his behaviors are trying my patience. I don't worry about that, because I have finally accepted that I need to work, but I am also careful of not just working.

I just get clouded vision during times like this, do I push myself to full potential on all angles or am I just getting on too many treadmills. Then again I don't like being miserable day to day at work but the trade off is more hours home with the people who matter.
Honestly, I always struggle with this, too. Finding work/life harmony (using one BBB posting that said it is not work/life balance but w/l harmony) is hard. Recently I struggled in making decisions similar to yours. I don't know if there is a right answer, I think you just have to make a decision to the best of your ability and go from there.

Just curious how others manage these thoughts or if they see things clearer.
No, I don't see things clearer What works for one family not necessarily working for other families either...

Good luck in deciding what is best for you and your family!

[janine]

I would honestly LOVE a less demanding part time job because, right now, the pendulum is too far to the "job" side of my life, especially in combination with DH's very travel-extensive job. However, I'm also at a point where I'm actually moving up in my career - I have a boss who likes me and fully recommends me for promotions, etc. I feel like it would be foolish (NOT saying anyone is foolish to do otherwise, just that *I* would feel foolish) to not try to reap the full benefits of where I am right now. So, the current plan is to work my way up as high as I can and then (maybe?) I will feel like I'm in a position where I can say "hey, I want to work part-time." I don't actually see that going over well in my industry, but it's probably not impossible. And there's always freelancing, and a freelance career would probably be helped by me getting as far up the ladder in the industry as possible. The current plan is to sock away as much as possible for retirement, etc. and then hope in the future that this allows us to cut back on job stuff.

The goal of 2 incomes is really that. Since we are able to, NOW, and both have good jobs and growing career paths, we feel like we need to get ourselves to the best financial point possible so that if something happens down the line - a health issue, or loss of a job, or simply wanting "less" of a job...that we would be able to pull it off.

I really struggle with this too, because THIS is the age that my kids want me involved, would love for me to volunteer at their school, etc. When they're teenagers, they won't be interested in being around me as much. But...if I take away from my career NOW, it'll be that much harder to try to get back in when they're teenagers, when I'm older and less desirable and may demand more money than the younger folks who are early and blazing in their career paths...and by that point we might be feeling financial pressure to get back on the career path because we decided to take a financial hit when our kids were younger. It really feels like a catch-22.

So, I feel your pain, OP!!

You hit it on the head. I kept working during those tough times (infants, pumping, up 24/7) and now I have the benefit of being in a prime spot of my career with no holes in the resume to capitalize on it, yes in terms of $. And there is the Catch 22, it is also the time I will likely miss most in terms of being with my little girls - ages 3 and 6 are special times that go fast. But if I take a break, slow track further, the prime career choices will be gone and if I need to get back in at age 50, 60, or want those options then, well that is unlikely and my DH is even older.

Kind of depressing to think of in such basic terms ($ to live life to the fullest vs actually engaging in life). And thanks for offering the WFH perspective, grass is always greener I suppose. Although since I'm in a mommy track job my WFH day is pretty lax but I admit, I'm not giving 100% to the kids being on my laptop etc.

[vludmilla]

I am usually a WOHM full time but I am currently on a 2 year maternity leave (I don't get paid but they hold my job). Obviously, if I can take a 2 year leave unpaid, I could leave my job but I don't plan to do so for several reasons.

1). I worked hard and long to get to this point. I have a PhD and am in a fabulous job where I am stimulated intellectually, given a great deal of autonomy and respect, and am well-compensated (relatively speaking, that is).
2). I have a defined benefit pension plan and want to be sure I get that benefit in retirement. If I left the job now, I would only get a small fraction of the potential pension at retirement age.
3). I feel like I have a reasonable work-life "balance". Last year, while I was still working, I was one of the class moms for older DD's class. It was stressful at times to meet those requirements and those of my job but I was ultimately able to make it work.
4). I don't have a long commute and I have lots of time off (summers off, school breaks off, can usually take off for sick kids, can often get home in time to get older DD off the school bus).
5). I essentially like working and I like the opportunities it offers. I intend to travel more with DD's and DH and that would be impossible on just one salary. I'd also like to pay for their college educations and I can't see that happening easily if we were on one salary.

Ultimately, though, I think I work FT because I feel like the cost-benefit analysis works out in favor of me working. If I had an awful commute or felt I couldn't spend enough time with my DD's, perhaps I would quit, though that is hypothetical so I can't be sure that I would

Also, I just want to point out that in my experience/opinion, teenagers need us just as much as when they are little; they're just not going to admit it. I feel like either DH or I need to be home and available after school, or as soon as possible, when DD's are teenagers. I think that just being around (to proffer food, drive them around, listen...) can be crucially important during the teenage years.

[egoldber]

I really struggle with this too, because THIS is the age that my kids want me involved, would love for me to volunteer at their school, etc. When they're teenagers, they won't be interested in being around me as much.

This is where I think having a job with flexibility is key. I am able to volunteer in the classroom and go on field trips. I can't do it every day or commit to a certain time every week, so there are jobs I can't do. But I can help out at Field Day, various special event days, classroom parties, and field trips.

Also, a lot of activities for older kids are in the evenings, starting at 6/6:30 and even later. So having a job where I can walk out the door at 4/4:30 means I can make almost all of those activities.