WWYD - DS / school question

[egoldber]

I agree with the PP. By a different school do you mean private? In our area, private schools are often much more intense than the publics. And as I said in your other thread about K expectations, this is definitely first grade work in our school, not K work.

Have you met with the counselor? I would try ASAP to get at least a 504 in place for his anxiety. That will get him accommodations. It sounds like it is just this teacher. I would not change schools for just one year of K. I would look to the long term, and realize that there will be good years and bad years, good teachers and bad teachers. I would encourage working with him on coping skills so that he is able to manage the anxiety.

[brittone2]

I think OP is renovating her house extensively, etc. so a move may not be all that viable. Private may be a better fit in some ways, but if later on OP's son ends up needing accommodations or therapy, private may or may not be a good fit. I forget if he has a 504 currently? Some private schools are wonderful with accommodations; others not so much. (eta: sorry, xposted with egoldber on that)

I guess I'd start with having his therapist work with him and you on reframing what is happening in class. Does the teacher know about his anxiety? I am totally forgetting what conversations you've had with the school about that. Would it be possible to get a 504 in place with input from the therapist if addressing it privately is not enough?

[lmh2402]

thanks, guys

i actually just got back from a meeting with the teacher and in-school therapist. teacher said that her own son has a 504 for anxiety, but DS will not qualify for one because he's "too advanced" academically - said that it's really only given for children for whom anxiety is negatively affecting their school work.

she said that she tries to check in with DS during the day in a casual way to see how he's doing

she said right now the only issue she seems is his perfectionist tendencies that "slow him down." she said he should be able to complete the work given and more - she puts advanced papers in his seat back pocket for him to finish if he's done early and others are still working. but he hasn't been getting to those because he's so obsessive about writing - he will erase the same letter over and over again b/c it's "not right." he does this at home too - but at least at school he isn't screaming while doing it

i've told the teacher and the counselor about his anxiety issues. counselor has copies of his previous eval reports. she has been observing him over the last several weeks - reports that at school he presents as very happy and having a good time.

at home is a very different story though.

we do have an appt next week to start an anxiety intake eval with a highly recommended pedi CBT affiliated with the NYU child study team. i have high hopes that she will be able to help us.

teacher continues to say that she isn't seeing any manifestations of anxiety at school. her suggestion is at home that he finds a way to decompress - she suggested that he spend a few minutes alone reading or doing something that relaxes him. however, he doesn't do things on his own. ever. he's never, ever interested in sitting on his own for any amount of time with a book or toys or anything like that.

ugh. and yes, beth is right - we are in massive remodel mode. and yes, any town worth it's salt around here is going to have similar public school systems. i could look into private, but then...ugh. just ugh.

thanks.

[SnuggleBuggles]

IDK, I think most public schools in OP's area are going to be of the same rigor. Perhaps consider private school but maybe just give him time to adjust, and seek outside therapy for the anxiety issues.

Clarifying- I'd suggested private up thread so was referring to that.

[brittone2]

I would look into the statements about 504 accommodations. It seems to me like any 2E type of child would never qualify for anything in that case, because they might be able to "compensate" for their struggles through their innate intelligence? That doesn't mean they have appropriate access to their education, does it? If he's bright and can't get to the more challenging differentiated work because of anxiety over other assignments, it would seem like he's not getting access to appropriately challenging education partially because of his anxiety. I am more familiar with IEPs vs 504s, but imagine someone here can shed more light onto whether their statements about 504s are legally accurate. Something seems off to me there.

[egoldber]

but DS will not qualify for one because he's "too advanced" academically - said that it's really only given for children for whom anxiety is negatively affecting their school work.

This is absolutely NOT true. Many schools will try to convince you this is true. They may even believe it. My DD has had a 504 for anxiety since third grade and in 8th grade we moved to an IEP when the ADHD diagnosis was added. She has always performed well above grade level. Her accommodations and now special education services are for "other health impairments" that affect her ability to be fully functional in the classroom.

Now, if he isn't showing anxiety in the classroom, that will be an issue. (My DD definitely was.) But it is absolutely not true that a child cannot have a 504 or IEP unless there is an academic issue.

[wellyes]

Yeah, saying 504s are only for kids struggling academically is a big red flag to me.

[cuca_]

This is absolutely NOT true. Many schools will try to convince you this is true. They may even believe it. My DD has had a 504 for anxiety since third grade and in 8th grade we moved to an IEP when the ADHD diagnosis was added. She has always performed well above grade level. Her accommodations and now special education services are for "other health impairments" that affect her ability to be fully functional in the classroom.

Now, if he isn't showing anxiety in the classroom, that will be an issue. (My DD definitely was.) But it is absolutely not true that a child cannot have a 504 or IEP unless there is an academic issue.

My DD2 had an IEP for ADHD in K and she had 0 academic issues. Do you have a diagnosis from a neuropsychologist or psychiatrist. If you don't, I would obtain one. Ask them for a report containing a diagnosis and listing the accommodations that he needs as a result. We did this for DD2 and got the accommodations needed.

[ArizonaGirl]

thanks, guys

i actually just got back from a meeting with the teacher and in-school therapist. teacher said that her own son has a 504 for anxiety, but DS will not qualify for one because he's "too advanced" academically - said that it's really only given for children for whom anxiety is negatively affecting their school work.

she said that she tries to check in with DS during the day in a casual way to see how he's doing

she said right now the only issue she seems is his perfectionist tendencies that "slow him down." she said he should be able to complete the work given and more - she puts advanced papers in his seat back pocket for him to finish if he's done early and others are still working. but he hasn't been getting to those because he's so obsessive about writing - he will erase the same letter over and over again b/c it's "not right." he does this at home too - but at least at school he isn't screaming while doing it

i've told the teacher and the counselor about his anxiety issues. counselor has copies of his previous eval reports. she has been observing him over the last several weeks - reports that at school he presents as very happy and having a good time.

at home is a very different story though.

we do have an appt next week to start an anxiety intake eval with a highly recommended pedi CBT affiliated with the NYU child study team. i have high hopes that she will be able to help us.

teacher continues to say that she isn't seeing any manifestations of anxiety at school. her suggestion is at home that he finds a way to decompress - she suggested that he spend a few minutes alone reading or doing something that relaxes him. however, he doesn't do things on his own. ever. he's never, ever interested in sitting on his own for any amount of time with a book or toys or anything like that.

ugh. and yes, beth is right - we are in massive remodel mode. and yes, any town worth it's salt around here is going to have similar public school systems. i could look into private, but then...ugh. just ugh.

thanks.

I couldn't read this and not post because you just described DS to a T. All the way down to me having trouble getting him services (Autism/ADHD diagnosis) because he is not academically behind and he seems to be doing okay at school when they observe him. (Of course, they gloss over the time that he bit a child he doesn't know on the playground, runs around during specials screaming and does headstands in class, but everything is hunky-dory)

Yeah because he comes home and takes it all out on us.

I will be watching this post like a hawk because I am just so frustrated.

[bisous]

Yeah, saying 504s are only for kids struggling academically is a big red flag to me.

Agree! This paired with the teacher's unrealistic expectations for K work (as evidenced by how few students completed the work when you worked in centers--it wasn't just your DS!) means she's the one who is off base here. I would continue to research accommodations for 504 plan.