Potty training an older child

[amom526]

Posting here for traffic...DS will be four in January. He has never sat on a toilet, worn underwear, etc. He knows all about toilets, how they work, is very interested in mine and DH's bathroom habits (lucky us!) but is just not interested. I ask him periodically whether he wants to wear underwear, or sit on the toilet, but beyond that, I have been totally hands off about the whole thing. He has seen other kids his age making on the toilet, but told me the other day, maybe he will go on the potty when he's 11...He's a bit of an anxious/rigid child, and also has constipation issues. I have been working under the assumption that one day he will just wake up and decide he is ready. But I am starting to feel like maybe I am doing him a disservice by not pushing a little bit harder. I just really do not want to make an issue out of something that is totally not an issue right now. Just looking for thoughts from others who have BTDT.

[trcy]

No BTDT, but what if you just put him in underpants and see what happens. DD didn't seem interested, but her day care told me to send her there in underpants (and several changes of of clothes, lol) and it just clicked with her. We also used a sticker chart which helped with motivation.

[indigo99]

I totally bribed my kids. DS2 was easy. We did a chart on the fridge for one week, and that was it. DS1 was a different story. He was pee trained but still pooping in a diaper at that age. He was totally against pooping in the potty, but I finally had to make it happen. I think you probably should try now. If it's a total failure then you can decide whether to stop for now or push on. I told DS when he had 3 or 4 diapers left that we wouldn't be getting more. For pee, he got an MnM for just trying and two for peeing and washing his hands. He was supposed to get 3 for pooping if he had done it. When we finally did force the issue (the first time didn't work because he just held it so that's when he started peeing in the potty and asking for a diaper to poop), I gave him prizes each time for a while - things I'd purchased on sale. If he started withholding, we gave him "cherry juice" to help his tummy feel better (it was actually prune juice that made it so that he couldn't hold it). He did get to go to Chuck E Cheese and Build a Bear after filling out a chart on the fridge.

eta: I would not let a child start withholding again. I thought we could be stubborn and get DS1 to use the toilet, but I should have known better. He got really constipated and was in serious pain. It's definitely not worth that fight because I don't think you can win. Be sure to give lots of water when you start trying too. When we tried with DS2, I had him #2 train first. He got nice prizes so he was happy to do it. Once he had that down, we ditched all the diapers. I never had them sit for long periods just to try. I'd remind them constantly "tell mommy when you need to pee" or "don't forget to pee in the potty so you can get your prize", but I didn't ask them to just go try (DS1 would on his own just to get an MnM).

[SnuggleBuggles]

Ds1 was 2 months shy of 4th birthday when he trained. He trained in 1 day, day and night. . He just decided he was ready. I bribed him with a trip to the toy store that day to get him to go #2; I had been (unnecessarily) worried that that would be a challenge. He immediately went to the potty, went and asked to go to the toy store. So, while it was annoying to wait so late, it sure was nice that potty training took 1 day. No accidents, never looked back.

[mackmama]

DC was 3.5yo and heading to a preschool where potty training was a requirement. So I started a chart and made a reward for getting to the end of a chart. It went quickly.

[azzeps]

I don't think it could hurt to try. Set up a reward system, and say, "Hey, you're a big kid now, and you get to use the potty! YAY!" and then be gone, diapers! But leave it in his hands to initiate and do it and reward his efforts. And if it's a total power struggle, then back off. Maybe he will surprise you.

[hillview]

I'd avoid a power struggle for sure but think it is worth a shot to try now. I'd announce that on xx weekend it is potty weekend. I am not above bribery if that motivated your DS. I'd have a naked weekend with lots of positive treats or rewards (m&ms worked for us with mini snickers for poop). Set a timer, try every 15 mins. Make it fun and exciting. Buy batman underwear he gets to wear after the weekend (or whatever works for him). I'd walk the line between making it happen and forcing it and avoid forcing it. If it works great, if not try again in 3 months. GOOD LUCK!

[Mikey0709]

I was in the same boat! My 2 boys were WELL over 4 years old. They also told me that maybe in a few years they'll try. It was my fault so late - i never pushed it. I knew they weren't ready.

When i finally did - both trained in 2 days and never looked back. I also never had to use pull-ups or overnights, and never an accident since (day or night). We also NEVER used a potty -- just a sturdy toilet ring seat to make it feel more comfortable (baby bjorn toilet trainer) and a step stool. My last son was almost 4 years 5 months. I finally had an available weekend and just went full force. Had alot of tears getting him on at first, but once it happened, never looked back. Within 3 days he was running in there on his own and letting me know.

SO yes - i do think waiting had SOME advantages for ME.... i never had to clean up messes Never had to clean messy underwear and never had to clean a potty out.

[amom526]

Thanks all for the feedback. I do feel like it is worth a shot, so I guess I will give it a shot sometime in the next month. Hopefully we'll have great experiences like some of you!

[TwoBees]

I haven't had a chance to read all of the replies, but DD treated pull ups just like diapers. She knew how to use the potty and even when she needed to go, but went in the pull ups because they were there. And then she would tell us she just went. I agree with the PPs, try underwear.

Pooping on the potty was an entirely different story... :/