How can I help DD? - update on #14

[alleycat]

Thank you for all the replies!

And when they see their old pals in new groups of friends, they sometimes assume the are rejected and go into a spiral of feeling miserable about their friendships.

I think this is what DD is thinking/feeling.


DD is sensitive and shy. The girls she played with in the past are very outgoing. They probably approached her and asked her to play. When these girls play with other kids, DD doesn't know how and is too shy to ask to join in. She's waiting to be asked.

She told me some kids bring toys to play with during recess but she doesn't want to bring dolls like the other girls. I plan on buying DD some jacks and a Chinese jump rope to bring to school. I figure this will give her something to approach other kids with and ask if they want to play. Any other games I can get for DD to bring in? Something small since her book bag is already loaded with her lunch and snack bags and her books. Are there books I could read with her to help her navigate this situation?

I plan on talking to her teacher after school today. And will be setting up play dates for her.



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[div_0305]

Perhaps your daughter is very shy/introverted. If you are not an introvert, it can be hard to understand where they are coming from and to help them. My SIL is an introvert, and when we first met her, we all thought she was rude and condescending. Why? Because we are extreme extroverts, and probably came across as overwhelming to her. I had to take time to realize she was an introvert, and not take her behavior as rude--I still find myself working on this. I think she realizes it, and has worked very hard on expressing and responding, and appearing more friendly overall. Introverts are not necessarily unfriendly as well--they are just hugely misunderstood. Perhaps you could help her realize that as kids get older and she doesn't respond hi back when they say hi to her, she will be perceived as unfriendly and the other kids will stop reaching out to her (which it sounds like is happening at recess). I'm pretty sure there are some good books out there to help understand the introverted child and to help them socially, and to help them come out of their shell.

[hillview]

agree with pp
talk to teacher
do playdates
encourage her (as you are doing)

[alleycat]

I had a great conversation with DD's teacher today. She was glad I said something to her so she could keep an eye on DD and she said she'll talk to the lunch monitor as well. She thought arming DD with some games is a great idea. She suggested, just like everyone here said, to set up play dates. She named some girls who would be a good match for DD.

She told me that she noticed DD was sitting by herself today. She saw another girl sitting alone so she asked DD if she wanted to play with the other girl. DD didn't really say anything. I know her exact reaction, she probably drew herself in a little, looked down and mumbled I don't know. So the teacher went to the other girl and asked her if she wanted to play with DD, the girl said yes. And the teacher said DD's face lit up. The two of them wrote a Thanksgiving poem together. I was so happy to hear this. And extremely proud of the poem they came up with. DD was definitely in a better mood after school today. The girl's mom sent me a message saying how her DD enjoyed working on the poem with DD. I suggested a play date so we're going to figure out a date. And DD sat with someone at lunch today! She even spoke to the girl she was sitting with. This morning I made her promise me that she would sit with someone at lunch today and she did.

I'm hoping DD will start to come out of her shell. I know it'll take some time but the conversation with her teacher gives me hope.



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[georgiegirl]

That is great news. A good friend had a similar problem with her DD in second grade. The school counselor got involved and ended up finding a similar friend for this girl. The best part about getting the counselor involved was that she was able to ensure her DDs new friend was in her classroom for third grade so they didn't have to go though through everything again.

ETA: school counselors can be a god send in social/friend situations. my DD was having some issues in second grade with girl drama and I got the counselor involved. She did weekly lunch bunches with this group of girls, which really helped. The good news is that the girls all ended up in different classes this year for third grade, and DD found a bunch of drama-free friends.

[Izzy&Bella]

My daughter picked out a book at the airport earlier this week, and I'm surprised how nice it is. American Girl Friends: Making Them & Keeping Them. It's sold on Amazon. It has lots of tips about how to approach people, and I think it's really well done.

[alleycat]

My daughter picked out a book at the airport earlier this week, and I'm surprised how nice it is. American Girl Friends: Making Them & Keeping Them. It's sold on Amazon. It has lots of tips about how to approach people, and I think it's really well done.

Thank you! I'm going to order the book for DD.

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