"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit"

[ang79]

Ha, I just used something similar to this with my Girl Scout Troop last night! We had a Christmas party for Brownies and Daisies and the troop gift to the girls is going to a Frozen themed tea party in January. So we gave the girls Frozen tote bags from the dollar spot at Target. I was unable to find 18 all in the same design though, so after trips to two different Targets ended up with 4 different designs in order to have enough. We reminded the girls that Girl Scouts don't whine and complain if something doesn't go their way, that they can try to look for a solution (asking a friend to trade bags), but if the friend doesn't want to trade, that is OK too. So ours was "Don't whine if you don't get an Elsa bag". The girls did great, they worked it out so everyone went home happy with a bag and there were offers to trade to help a friend out.

[Seitvonzu]

i love this saying and pulled it out bunches last week when i was substituting at my daughter's school. i was in music and we were using 3 groups of instruments, and they were rotating them. except, there weren't enough wood blocks to rotate, so i supplemented with 2 sets of sand blocks....oh lord have mercy! you would have thought i forgot to give some of the children gold or something

i really think it's about keeping feelings in proportion to the situation. what instrument you get first? (we rotated, so they did get one from each "set")-- NOT something to even get remotely upset about. (especially when you are....say 7?) what color cup you get? it's just really not that big of a thing.

i think it's pretty good for kids to realize that they don't always get their preferences met.... i mean- at a small playgroup and the kid is known for loving green? sure, i might even go out of my way if i have all the kids faves to dole them out that way....in a whole class of preschoolers? no way! they are always able to trade, but if someones wants what they got? too bad.

it just seems like a lesson in resilience/flexibility to me!

[hillview]

I had never used it before having kids. We use "you get what you get and you don't get upset" a few times a year and the kids get it.

[Seitvonzu]

ang79---
i know *exactly* what you are talking about with those frozen bags i think that your troop handled this PERFECTLY.

i like that the girls rose to the occasion! that's exactly why i think this saying is a really good one....it assumes that kids can handle smaller disappointments and it encourages things like trading/honoring friends feelings etc. i've seen that time and again when kids as young as preschool get upset with what they get and their friends help them "get what they get and not throw a fit." in my kindergarten classes, the kids were quick to remind each other "you'll get bells next time" -- or trade their sand blocks to a friend that had a wood block. (they couldn't trade outside of their group, but within the parameters they all made it work)

[Seitvonzu]

i don't mind the "don't get upset" one either.... because it seems this phrase is honestly used when really, the stakes are EXTREMELY low. i can't imagine a kid getting scarred emotionally because he couldn't express himself about a blue cup or because she couldn't have the jingle bells, YKWIM?

[elliput]

I like the concept behind it, however, the actual wording irritates me for some reason (both versions). I do find myself wanting to tell it to my DH much more often than my DC.

ETA- I just figured out what bugs me about it. The first half is iambic pentameter, but the second has six syllables, so the meter is completely off.

[sarahsthreads]

We don't pull it out often, but sometimes we do. Like when we're traveling this weekend and eating at a rest stop McD's, and they're looking over the toy choices. They'll want specific ones, and will tell us as we're standing in line to order, but no way am I going to stand in long holiday travel lines with them to "trade" whatever toy they get. So "you get what you get and you don't get upset" is their warning that they should just be happy that we're eating at McD's and they're getting some POC plastic toy in the first place, and we won't tolerate whining over it. It's always used lightheartedly, and before a potential situation arises vs. after they're already freaking out over something.

I actually prefer the "don't throw a fit" wording, but hate that it doesn't rhyme, so we use "don't get upset". But since it's not an often-used phrase in our family I don't feel like it's going to damage their psyche and teach them to suppress their feelings.

Sarah

[wendibird22]

We use it occasionally. DD1 who is 7 is inclined to react WAY over the top to really minor things and so the saying is a good reminder to her that her reaction needs to be in proportion to the issue.

[curiousgeorge]

They use it with the two and three-year-olds at my son's preschool, so it's been brought into our house from there. I'm OK with it because of how it is used there...meaning don't get mad if you got red play dough and wanted blue, etc. In that context it's teaching them a good lesson.

[candaceb]

I use it for things like which color cup is handed out because I am paranoid about having an only child who always gets whatever he wants... (and I'm not looking to start an only child debate here). When DS was 1.5 and my niece (also an only child) was 4, I watched her have a complete meltdown because DS got the red fork and she got the otherwise identical blue fork. I resolved then that we were not going to end up in that situation. At this point, I don't even have to use the phrase with DS because he just knows - you get whatever cup is on top of the stack. Sometimes you get lucky and get the one you want. But if you don't, you don't throw a fit. I do use it sometimes when we have other kids here and they start to be picky about which color they get. I only use it when there are things that are otherwise equal with the exception of color/picture/whatever.