"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit"

[mmommy]

I actually like the phrase. I don't use it, but DD1 learned it in preschool and I like when she remembers it. Yes, feelings matter. Actual feelings. Getting upset over colors of bowls or whatever isn't really a feeling. DD1 tends towards dramatic and I think it's important that my kids learn that there are times for big feelings and times that you might have preferences that shouldn't have big feelings attached to them. Maybe I'm saying that in reaction to MIL who never learned this and has large emotions about EVERYTHING, and honestly her everyday life seems terribly difficult because of this, so I'd like to see my DDs figure it out while they're still kids.

[doberbrat]

I like it. It came home in our house from preschool. I get the 'feeling suppression' thing but its not used in situations like Susie didnt invite me to her party - its usually used in situations where there is absolutely no material difference in items one is getting.

and as I'm typing this my 9yo just asked her sister if she "had a pretty fork earlier" - the definition of a 'pretty fork'? a completely plain one that doenst match the remainder of the set.

[maestramommy]

I hear, "you get what you get and you don't get upset." I heard it for the first time when DD1 came home and told me her preschool teacher told the class this one day. I thought it was hilarious! When I asked the teacher about it she said, she was giving each kid a sticker for something and the started crowding around saying, "I want the blue one, I want the red one!" etc. She told them that because in the context of the situation everyone is just getting a sticker, but we don't have all day for you to sit around a pick the one you really want. Which I understand. the funny thing is the kids use it at home all the time now.

[Mommy_Again]

We say "...and you don't pitch a fit" (southern phrase for having a tantrum). I like it better than "get upset" because they're not mutually exclusive. I tell my kids that it's fine to be upset about something, but pitching a fit about it is rarely acceptable.


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[Tondi G]

You get what you get and you don't get upset came from preschool here too. I don't love the phrase, but don't hate it. I think there is a place for it but it is kind of annoying. My reference was when DS had a birthday at preschool and I had bought a huge tray of juice boxes that had 3 or 4 different juice flavors. I was allowing the kids to pick the one they wanted from the box. The teacher came over and said the phrase and just started handing the kids boxes. I thought it was working out fine .... no one was having a fit. I guess it was just taking too long as far as she was concerned. I like to give my kids choices and even as preschoolers they didn't pitch fits very often.

[Gena]

I don't like the phrase, in any of its variations. I guess it works for some kids, but it's not something I would say to my DS.

For one thing, just saying "don't throw a fit" or "don't get upset" doesn't actually teach coping skills. Maybe it's enough for typically developing kids, but DS needs direct instruction on what he should do, not just what he shouldn't do. DS is a really rigid thinker, so we spend a lot of time working on teaching flexibility and dealing with the unexpected. It's a gradual, incremental process that can't be captured by a pithy saying.

The other thing, is that the phrase goes against what we are teaching DS in terms of self-advocacy. Certainly there are times when DS has to deal with "you get what you get" and cope with that situation. However, for individuals like DS, with autism and/or other disabilities, there are many times when "you get what you get" is woefully inadequate to serve his needs. We work with him to stay calm, to explain his perspective, and to negotiate. Practicing these skills now, even over seeming trivial matters, will serve him in the long run when he needs to advocate for his needs to doctors, teachers, therapists, insurance companies, etc.

[belovedgandp]

It doesn't bother me, especially when used in appropriate situations. The first time I heard it was at a preschool gymnastics class when the teacher was handing out shapes. Every child was getting a shape to designate their spot for and activity. Fighting over getting a certain color or shape is a disruption to class. DD's dance teacher just did the same thing at watch day when handing out scarves.

In general not something I throw out at the house with my own kids.

[PZMommy]

While it isn't a phrase I use at home, I use it in my kindergarten class. When you need to pass out things to 24 kids and they may not get the same color or flavor of something, they need to be reminded they can't always have their favorite color/shape/flavor/whatever.

[mackmama]

I like the "fit" version - makes much more sense to me than the "upset" version used around here.

[jerseygirl07067]

I use the term a lot in my house, sometimes when there is a lot of whining when something that one gets is slightly different than the other. But do find that I use it most at mealtimes these days since I'm over the short order cooking and the whining. Then is it followed by all the starving children in the world who would love to be having what they're being served.

Interestingly, I grew up NJ and the term my relatives and friends use is "You get what you get and you don't get upset". In FL the many of the teachers say, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit". I noticed the difference but thought it was due to the varying accent, since fit and get rhyme more with a southern twang.