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  1. #11
    boogiemom is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by icunurse View Post
    I see it as I am not grooming a hopeful entrant to an elite college, I am raising a child. I am not going to push my child to play an instrument/sport that they don't want simply because it *might* help them get into some college that isn't even on their radar right now. Signing them up for clubs and activities before high school simply for hopes of increasing their likelihood of college entrance? Seems like that is more for me than for my child. If good grades, a few activities and being a solid, well-rounded person doesn't get my child into a college, then that college doesn't deserve them. My kids will get into college. They will get jobs. Hopefully they will have some financial success and have a family and be happy. I don't think 12 years of me planning their application and/or a big name college will guarantee that or that a state school will ruin their chances for that. Life is more than money and prestige and names and many, many people live full lives without them.

    So, for me, I am doing nothing extra. I let my kids find their passions and encourage them, but not for collegiate reasons. I do encourage good grades, as that will do more for them in life and for college than anything else. If they don't go to ivy or big name, I'm fine with that (actually not expecting or encouraging it). Really hoping they go to my college, which is competitive and highly rated, yet not cutthroat in admissions (or tuition!).
    ^^^ I'll just say "ditto". :-)


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  2. #12
    essnce629's Avatar
    essnce629 is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by cilantromapuche View Post
    They already do community service and have their hobbies/sports.
    What community service do your kids do? I think think that is a great idea, but I don't know where to start. I volunteered in the hospital ER weekly for all 4 years of high school and LOVED it! At the time I was wanting to either be an ER doctor or OBGYN (and started undergrad as a biology/premed major) so it was a great opportunity for me. I volunteered at a University childcare center as well because I've loved working with babies/kids forever and that volunteering in high school prepared me to be able to work at my university child care center my entire 4 years of college which I loved as well. I will encourage DS1 to find something he is passionate about and stick with it instead of bouncing from place to place. This includes sports, clubs, activities, community service, etc. My friends in HS who bounced from activity to activity, never sticking with something for more than a year or two had more issues getting into their first choice schools than my friends and I who did less activities, but all were ones we were passionate about and had stuck to for 4 or more years.

    Quote Originally Posted by Green_Tea View Post
    Beyond cultivating a strong work ethic and giving them the opportunity to explore extracurricular activities they love (music, sports, drama) - absolutely nothing. I want my kids to be well rounded and hardworking. I am confident that they will be successful, and will have no problem getting into college.
    Quote Originally Posted by anonomom View Post
    This. My job, as I see it, is to raise my kids to lead happy, productive lives. So I try to help them develop good work habits and a strong sense of ethics, and I support whatever interests they want to pursue. It's their job is to get into college and figure out what careers will make them happy and self-sufficient.
    Yes to this. I will encourage good study skills, organization, and encourage DS1 to speak up to his teachers/advisors to ask for help, etc when he needs it. This is his first semester of middle school and he struggled with staying organized and remembering what assignments were due when. We're working on that and I've been really pushing for him to communicate frequently with his teachers and to talk with them on how he can improve his grades, what's expected of him, etc. I tell him it's his job to email and talk to all his teachers, not me. My best friend is a middle school teacher at a private Catholic k-8 school and it's insane the amount of emails she gets from her students' parents about their grades, assignments, etc. I'm sorry, but I've never emailed DS1's middle school teachers and think a 11-14 year old is totally capable of handling such a task. These are the same parents that will still be emailing their kids' high school teachers, etc and I think that is a disservice to their kids.
    Last edited by essnce629; 01-26-2015 at 07:50 PM.
    Latia (Birth & Postpartum Doula and Infant Nanny)
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  3. #13
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    JBaxter is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Honestly I did nothing. I let them be high school kids. One played football and did a few clubs one did LAX did a few clubs both did a couple AP or IB classes had decent grades applied to in state schools ( neither wanted to be saddled with insane debt) Both got into the schools they wanted ( happened to be the same school) I paid 1/2 of their college and their car insurance. One is graduated ( honors in his major) got a really solid first job in his field and will start taking masters classes in spring. tThe other is doing great ( 4.0 last term) and will probably go on to grad school.
    Jeana, Momma to 4 fantastic sons

    Everything happens for a reason, sometimes the reason is you're stupid and make bad decisions

  4. #14
    icunurse is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by gatorsmom View Post
    i was afraid that if I began this thread that some posters might take it to mean that I'm planning on shoving my kids into every activity under the sun and putting ridiculous stress on them. I almost didn't post for that reason.

    I don't think it's a completely ridiculous question to ask. If we are already investing for our kids' college educations, then there is some hope and financial preparation there. It seems logical that if other preparation needs to be done, then parents would do that too. It doesn't have to automatically mean we are overdoing it. I don't plan to make my kids' lives miserable but I do encourage them to try new things, work past their fears, make new friends, etc. And if I can steer them in one direction that will help them achieve their career goals, why let that opportunity pass for fear of pushing them a tad too much?
    You asked what other people are doing, if anything, to prepare their child for college. And if doing some of these things was too much. All my comments were written as to my feelings/opinions about that. Several other people have posted similar statements, that they will let their child lead their activities, enjoy schooling, encourage education, not over push. It is unfortunate that you feel my response was directed toward you, but perhaps that is some insight into your own feelings about this issue?

  5. #15
    sunnyside is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I'm hoping to cultivate a broad global perspective for my children so they have some insight into the many paths available for them to choose and the steps to be successful in each (ie enjoy and be fulfilled and able to support themselves and contribute to the world).

    That way if they choose to try to go to an Ivy they're prepared, but they're also aware of the many other lifestyles and choices. I hope to have $ set aside to help them with whatever may help them reach their goals.

    That and just hopefully raising them to be hardworking, conscientious, caring, friendly, global citizens.. Looking forward to hearing other's responses.
    Mama to two sweet girls - Summer 2010 and Spring 2015

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by anonomom View Post
    This. My job, as I see it, is to raise my kids to lead happy, productive lives. So I try to help them develop good work habits and a strong sense of ethics, and I support whatever interests they want to pursue. It's their job is to get into college and figure out what careers will make them happy and self-sufficient.
    Quote Originally Posted by anonomom View Post
    Oh, I should add: that's how I feel now, with college many years away. Check with me in five years, I may be clutching a college guide and babbling incoherently.

    This is me. Right now, I can honestly say I've not thought at all about how to improve college chances (other than making it known that's what's "done" in our family.) They are in language immersion, which will be attractive, but I signed them up because I think language learning is important.

    I hope I don't stress out around sophomore year, but I'm seeing it happen with neighbors who have older kids. So I can't say "that will never be me."
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  7. #17
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    egoldber is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Up to now, I haven't done anything specifically geared with an eye to college. However, older DD is now considering colleges herself. She'll be a high school freshman next year. She proclaims to have certain career aspirations, so we have talked about what that means in terms of what she needs to do in high school and college to prepare herself for that. She also says she would like to like to go to college outside the US. So we've talked (in a very general way) about what we can do to make that happen.

    She hates team sports of any kind. She hates head to head or timed competitions of any kind. I don't see any reason to push her into those things, even though many of the traditional "hooks" for college are in these areas. So I am thinking about things that she could do or explore to put on her college applications. We've selected camps and experiences over the last couple years that are more in line with those longer terms career/school goals. These are things she has picked out for herself that support her continuing to get more info about what she thinks she wants to do later. As she gets into high school, I'll help her find summer classes/internships/job opportunities to help give her more info about what those careers are actually like.

    I fully suspect that at some point she is going to say that she loves this path she has picked or that she hates it and wants to try something else. I see these as years for her to try out different ideas about what she wants to do before committing to a college experience. She also has certain learning style issues that make certain academic experiences more difficult for her, so my personal thought (NOT shared with her) is that she is not well served in an environment with a lot of Type A, driven people.

    Younger DD....yikes. I can actually see her choosing not to go to college but choosing something completely alternative. I will try to be open minded and supportive of that LOL! But I'm also bearing in mind that we may need to keep an eye on our 529 contributions so that we don't have money tied up for college for her that she may very possible not end up using.
    Beth, mom to older DD (8/01) and younger DD (10/06) and always missing Leah (4/22 - 5/1/05)

  8. #18
    AnnieW625's Avatar
    AnnieW625 is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Default S/o: what are you doing to prepare your kids for college?

    Quote Originally Posted by essnce629 View Post
    What community service do your kids do? I think think that is a great idea, but I don't know where to start. I volunteered in the hospital ER weekly for all 4 years of high school and LOVED it! At the time I was wanting to either be an ER doctor or OBGYN (and started undergrad as a biology/premed major) so it was a great opportunity for me. I volunteered at a University childcare center as well because I've loved working with babies/kids forever and that volunteering in high school prepared me to be able to work at my university child care center my entire 4 years of college which I loved as well. I will encourage DS1 to find something he is passionate about and stick with it instead of bouncing from place to place. This includes sports, clubs, activities, community service, etc. My friends in HS who bounced from activity to activity, never sticking with something for more than a year or two had more issues getting into their first choice schools than my friends and I who did less activities, but all were ones we were passionate about and had stuck to for 4 or more years.





    Yes to this. I will encourage good study skills, organization, and encourage DS1 to speak up to his teachers/advisors to ask for help, etc when he needs it. This is his first semester of middle school and he struggled with staying organized and remembering what assignments were due when. We're working on that and I've been really pushing for him to communicate frequently with his teachers and to talk with them on how he can improve his grades, what's expected of him, etc. I tell him it's his job to email and talk to all his teachers, not me. My best friend is a middle school teacher at a private Catholic k-8 school and it's insane the amount of emails she gets from her students' parents about their grades, assignments, etc. I'm sorry, but I've never emailed DS1's middle school teachers and think a 11-14 year old is totally capable of handling such a task. These are the same parents that will still be emailing their kids' high school teachers, etc and I think that is a disservice to their kids.
    I started 4-h in 7th grade. I would like to get my kids involved in Girl Scouts or Campfire and would love if they could do it through middle or high school. In middle school at our current school they have required volunteer hours. If we move back up north I will encourage 4-H as well. I wish it was more known here in SoCal. Athen nearest club is 35 minutes away in a horse community.

    Parents at my kids school have way too much input on school work (ie: it seems like there is a lot of hand holding), although I do have to admit that requiring 80 some middle schoolers at our school to participate in the science fair, which in the past has been optional was a little crazy. Some of those projects were pretty advanced and at the high school level IMHO.
    Last edited by AnnieW625; 01-26-2015 at 08:16 PM.
    Annie
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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Green_Tea View Post
    Beyond cultivating a strong work ethic and giving them the opportunity to explore extracurricular activities they love (music, sports, drama) - absolutely nothing. I want my kids to be well rounded and hardworking. I am confident that they will be successful, and will have no problem getting into college.
    I should add: we live in an excellent school district that offers incredible academic and extracurricular activities. The high school my kids will attend is usually ranked as one of the top five in the state. If that were not the case, I would be working hard to make sure my kids had access to awesome music programs, better academics, etc. I want my kids to be challenged and excited by school. I want them to be able to try the sports and languages and arts programs that interest them. We made a conscious choice to move to a large, successful public school district that offers these kinds of activities.
    Green Tea, mom to three

  10. #20
    daisysmom is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by gatorsmom View Post
    i was afraid that if I began this thread that some posters might take it to mean that I'm planning on shoving my kids into every activity under the sun and putting ridiculous stress on them. I almost didn't post for that reason.

    I don't think it's a completely ridiculous question to ask. If we are already investing for our kids' college educations, then there is some hope and financial preparation there. It seems logical that if other preparation needs to be done, then parents would do that too. It doesn't have to automatically mean we are overdoing it. I don't plan to make my kids' lives miserable but I do encourage them to try new things, work past their fears, make new friends, etc. And if I can steer them in one direction that will help them achieve their career goals, why let that opportunity pass for fear of pushing them a tad too much?
    I don't think your question was ridiculous at all. I just had two nieces get accepted into their first choice schools - one is going to Cornell and the other to James Madison. Both sets of parents did much much more than my parents did for all of us (one who also went to Cornell) as the college application process has changed dramatically since I applied in 1987. I do think it will have changed again by the time my child applies in 2024 bc this bubble of kids will have passed, yet the colleges will have accommodated for larger groups of students.

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