how much do your parents play with your kids?

[wendibird22]

My mom and MIL definitely do. They are very engaged with my DDs when they visit and especially when they babysit. My dad and FIL, not so much.

[lalasmama]

My mom played a lot with youngest DD, when my mom was still alive. She would engage her in play, but then let her play on her own as well. She would babysit her for short periods (never overnight, and maybe only 2-3 times while I was at work). My dad will interact with DD a lot more now that she's nearly 11. When she was young, he wasn't sure "what" to do with her to play. So, he'd do silly things, but he'd never get on the floor to play with her.

Our middle DD now has 3 kids that we are fairly involved with. When they are here, we play with them, but we aren't non-stop playmates. We read with them a lot (they beg to have books read to them as much as we will allow!), we may drive cars on the floor for a few minutes, we will play with the tub toys with them, and we sit with them when they want to watch a movie. However, when they are happy to play by themselves, we let them! If middle DD is here, then we leave most of the actual childcare to her unless she asks for help, or if we already have the baby in our arms. I think the only time DH or I hand the baby back to DD/SonIL is when he's stinky

We don't babysit while they are at work because it's not needed, and we are prohibitively far away (2 hours each way).

[essnce629]

DH's parents only see the kids 1-2 times a year (they are in CT, we are in CA). They don't play at all. They are not really kid people! I really don't know how they survived two boys! I think they are 65 and 63 years old. But I don't think they were hands-on parents either-- always had an au pair and then DH and his brother left for boarding school at 14.

My mom comes to visit at least once a month. She is 58 years old. She babysits them so DH and I can go out and she's down on the floor with them playing board games, etc. She's taken DS1 for a week over the summers before and they've spent all their time having a blast going to Legoland, the beach, the science museum, the fair, the movies, etc. My mom is a very hands-on grandma. She also has 6 siblings and was the only girl for a long time so grew up babysitting all her younger siblings and nephews, while DH's dad has no siblings and his mom just has 1. I'm an only child so my mom just has my two boys to dote on.

[Corie]

as they were physically abusive to him when he was a child.

Wait. What? I'm confused. Your's husband's parents were physically abusive to him as a child?
I'm honestly surprised that he still wants his parents in his life, let alone playing with his children.
This just doesn't set well with me. Does it not bother you?

[SnuggleBuggles]

My IL's are a mix. They are usually happy to play soccer, ride bikes, play board games but only if asked. They live close by but we rarely see them. They are always happy to help if asked but they don't offer. we could drop over there any time though and have a lovely visit.
My parents are great. They don't sit down on the floor but they are otherwise very engaged. I don't expect them to sit on the floor and play either. They do many other things together. I am sure my mom would have helped with childcare but she only just retired at age 71- she'd been working 10 hour days before that!
Both sets of grandparents are great and I am happy for all they do for us and the kiddos.

[infocrazy]

My mom is very interactive and wants to play with them all the time, but she has physical limitations so it is mostly reading/cooking/projects/etc...she is not able to do floor play but tries to move some of it to a table. My kids are the closest thing my mom's sister has to grandkids so she comes with her to visit. She was a teacher so although she does play with them, she often ends up doing educational type games which I think is great...but especially as the boys get older...they are less enthused by. They ARE like your ILs, but I think mostly because they only see them periodically. I think if they were around more often, it would be much less so. I do NOT mind them taking over, because DH and I get projects done and date night! That said, they will sometimes parent my kid when I am there and that is soooooooo annoying. Although they do play all day, I can see by the end of the week, they are TIRED. They would never be able to keep up with them on a regular basis...but we have 4 kids...I can't either sometimes! LOL

My MIL is not a play with them kind of grandma. She lives 20 minutes away but we actually see her less than my family who is out of state. She is awesome though about doing laundry when she babysits or other chores. Which is great. I heard FIL was a WONDERFUL interactive grandparent but he unfortunately passed away already. He would be nearing 90 though so...

My dad/wife are not really kid people, however, my dad is really enjoying the kids. It is a little much for his wife so she does better in small doses. They are the most physically able to help, and are also out of state. If we were closer, I think they WOULD potentially be helpful, but only on their terms. IE, wouldn't babysit for date night, but would take DS1 to a game/practice if needed. I don't know, my dad has surprised me at how much he is enjoying our little guy. With DS1, he didn't really acknowledge him until he was around 3, and although he isn't doing diapers with DS that is 2.5, he loves playing with him. He is a funny adorable kid though...of course! ;-)

[Tenasparkl]

My parents play none. They do hold and read and rock when my DD was a baby (my father can get the crankiest baby to sleep just by this funny walk that he does with them, he is a saint). My mother is a book fanatic, has always given books as presents, and the only thing that she will do is read/be read to. They never played with any of their grandchildren. My parents are in their late 70s and have some health issues - they were probably a bit more interactive with the first wave of their granchilden (who are now college bound) but not by DD. What they do really well now is converse with all of their grandkids. They email, talk on the phone, write letters, etc. My parents love to help on school projects, help with college essays, etc. That is just how they are -- they are very much teacher-type-people -- they send along WSJ articles to all of their kids and grandkids and expect dialogue back on the merits/demerits. They love to discuss current events. My DD is just starting to really appreciate this at nearly 8 -- she will interview my parents about their memories growing up. She called my dad yesterday to ask about his perception of WWII and concentration camps after she saw the news coverage about this. This is what my parents do well. But they never play. Honestly, I don't remember them playing with me.

This is so much like DH's dad and step mother, down to the WSJ articles. My DD asked him a question about the founding fathers and he's been sending books and articles ever since (and she's 6).

My parents and DH's mom and step dad are all very hands on with the kids. They'll happily play on the floor, let the kids climb all over them, run around outside etc.

[pastrygirl]

My parents are elderly, but even when they were younger, they didn't play with grandkids much. Maybe just take a toy out, but never on the floor or anything like that. They didn't do that with me or my siblings, either, when we were little.

My ILs play constantly! Or at least they used to, when my two kids were their only grandkids. Now they have four other grandkids that live near them, so they don't have much energy left for my kids when they visit.

I definitely wouldn't expect my parents to offer any significant childcare, but I wouldn't expect my ILs to, either. They've already been through that, and they're enjoying life now. I think it's unreasonable to assume that grandparents will watch grandkids full-time.

[123LuckyMom]

My mother is the children's only surviving grandparent. She doesn't play with them, really. I can count the times she has babysat on one hand. I am always jealous of people who have parents who love to babysit and help out, but I would never, ever EXPECT any grandparent to provide child care for me!!! They raised their kids already. It's not their job to raise mine. Maybe your DH has an extremely idealized view of what parents should be like since his were so far from ideal, but he's seriously misguided. What grandparents should provide is love. Kids should feel that their grandparents adore them. That's about it, and even that's a tall order for some people.

[boolady]

I think your DH has some seriously unrealistic expectations.

My parents, who worked endless hours at their own business while raising us, made it very clear to my sisters and I from an early age that when we had children, they intended to be grandparents, not full-time babysitters. I understand that some grandparents plan to do this and enjoy it, but I think your DH is being incredibly unfair to suggest that your parents are unreasonable because they don't want to provide (free, I assume?) full-time childcare.