Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16
  1. #1
    acmom is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    3,592

    Default Feeling a little lost in my day to day life...

    My kids are 4 and 6 and this is the first year that they are both in school for a good chunk of time - DS is in preK 5 mornings a week and DD is in 1st grade (last year DD had 1/2 day K and was home by noon and DS had only 2 mornings of preschool). In years past, the kids and I established a good routine with home stuff, activities, school etc, but this year getting into that routine has seemed more challenging for me! (The kids seem settled in their school, home activity routines though).

    I think it's bc I have always been a person who does better when my time is more structured (in college, my best grades were actually when I was the busiest with a job and a sport). This year I have a lot more downtime with them at school more and I am finding I am more unproductive. I am a great planner/organizer, but not always a great "follow through-er" especially when things don't have a specific timetable. I would love to find a part time position in my field or a related field and am keeping my eye out but haven't found anything yet. Because of DH's job with long, unpredictable hours, neither of us feels it is really feasible for me to go back to work full time at this point (nor do I really want to). And we are still contemplating a 3rd child, which would obviously make it hard to be searching for a full time job at this point.

    I am involved in a bunch of things (volunteering at school, tennis groups, play groups, etc) and am very happy with life with the kids and our family and friends. But I find that balancing stuff around the house (laundry, organization, cleaning, projects, etc.) vs doing things outside the house (gym, errands, volunteer stuff, etc) is an issue this year. My days/weeks just seem kind of all over the place this year. I don't have any issue getting me and the kids where I need to be, but feel like some days arent very productive/fulfilling. It's like my days need more structure (and depending on the day, more purpose). And I know this is an issue that I will need to solve going forward too as next year, both kids will be in school full day.

    If you stay home and your kids are in school, how do you structure your days? Any advice about getting into a better routine or being more productive/purposeful with my time?

  2. #2
    Twoboos is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    .
    Posts
    9,783

    Default

    I know what you're saying. I am feeling the same way. You can only feel so fulfilled by doing laundry and going to the grocery store. Yes I volunteer and go to the gym and play tennis once a week and try to see friends a couple of times a month, but some days, I feel like I NEED something specific to do!

    It kills me sometimes when DH asks how my day was. I truly have nothing of interest to say.

    Watching this thread!
    "Every mother needs a wife." - Amy Poehler, Yes Please

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    New York, USA.
    Posts
    6,848

    Default

    I have no good advice but I can totally relate to this. I felt this way for much of my full-time SAHM years. I'm back to work PT and that has definitely helped. But even over the holiday break when I wasn't working, this hit me again. I think a good part of it is that I absolutely detest household chores/responsibilities (except for cooking). But if I don't have enough planned outside of the house, I get next to nothing done in the house and almost a depressed-type of feeling.

    Curious to see how others handle it.
    DD1 - 1996
    DD2 - 1999
    DD3 - 2005

    Surfaces are for working, not for storing. - Peter Walsh

  4. #4
    niccig is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    CA.
    Posts
    23,493

    Default

    OP you describe me to a t! When I SAHM, I needed some things that didn't revolve around the house or the family. I did a few things just for me:

    I volunteered at a museum doing research work for one of the staff. I did the work at home and just went in for meetings. When I retire, I plan to be a docent at a museum. Many non-profits have a volunteer coordinator. I still volunteered for DS's school, but I found it different to volunteer for something *I* was interested in.

    I enrolled in 1 evening class a semester at local university extension. I swapped babysitting with another mum as DH wasn't home from work. I did classes I was interested in and never got the chance in my degree. I had to do homework, write papers, pass exams as I took them for credit. Through extension, I was able to enroll in some day classes too - I had taken some evening classes from a TA and she spoke to the professor, who approved my enrollment in a 3rd year regular class.

    Learn something you've always wanted to learn - I want to learn Spanish and how to play the piano when I get the time.

    I ended up working part-time from home for my boss pre-kids. I worked around DS's schedule, and some days had to go in for meetings, training.

    I ended up going back to grad school, which is really testing my ability to keep all the balls in the air.

  5. #5
    WatchingThemGrow is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    20,075

    Default

    This is my first year in that situation - well, I guess 2nd, since DC3 did 5d preschool and is now in K. Most definitely, I can get lost in time but it seems that I've been able to get some stuff done a lot better. It's allowed me to try out a few different things. A couple times I helped a friend with a small business- for pay - and that was neat. A minister at our church recently moved their family so I'm currently helping (for free) to stage their old house. I spent some good chunks of time doing consignment prep and sales, listing/selling stuff on CL, organizing closets. My favorite projects are premaking meals with once-a-month cooking plans, as it allows us the freedom to have more stress-free afternoons/evenings. Something I've tried and need to be better about is exercising. Swimming seems to take forever, but it feels like the best exercise for me. Yesterday, I spent the entire schoolday working with another mom to provide an amazing salad bar lunch for the teachers our our school.

    A big motivator for me was the organize your home in 40 days thread, and I'm still happily blocking a day or two here/there to make it through our very unkempt memory boxes/piles. Maybe if you're an organized person, none of this applies, but we moved several times and had a bunch of babies quickly just before that. Our stuff is a mess, but I'm determined to get us all straightened out during my "free" time.

  6. #6
    acmom is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    3,592

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Twoboos View Post
    I know what you're saying. I am feeling the same way. You can only feel so fulfilled by doing laundry and going to the grocery store. Yes I volunteer and go to the gym and play tennis once a week and try to see friends a couple of times a month, but some days, I feel like I NEED something specific to do!
    Quote Originally Posted by pinkmomagain View Post
    But if I don't have enough planned outside of the house, I get next to nothing done in the house a
    Quote Originally Posted by niccig View Post
    When I SAHM, I needed some things that didn't revolve around the house or the family.
    Thanks all - it helps to know I am not the only one with this issue! I very much related to your responses!
    I am great at making lists of things I should/could be doing, but not always great about managing my time and following through with doing them (except the ones I like more of course!).

    My house could def. use 40 days of organization, so that would be a good plan...WatchingThemGrow, did you plan certain days/times to work on this or just do it when you have time? I feel like I make the list and say I will do XYZ when I have some time, but then seem to end up doing something else.

    Do any of you make loose schedules for yourself, like certain days at home vs. certain days for errands etc. Or part of the day for home projects and part of the day for errands/out of the house stuff? I'm thinking I may need to figure out a way to plan my time more purposefully, rather than just my general to-do lists. And yes, as many of you mentioned, I feel like I have to find a few more things that are enjoyable or more fulfilling for me, such as exercise, other non-kid volunteering, part time work, etc.!

  7. #7
    chlobo is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    .
    Posts
    5,453

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Twoboos View Post
    I know what you're saying. I am feeling the same way. You can only feel so fulfilled by doing laundry and going to the grocery store. Yes I volunteer and go to the gym and play tennis once a week and try to see friends a couple of times a month, but some days, I feel like I NEED something specific to do!

    It kills me sometimes when DH asks how my day was. I truly have nothing of interest to say.

    Watching this thread!
    I totally resemble this quote. Especially the part about needing more fulfillment than laundry & grocery.

  8. #8
    wallawala is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    1,313

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by acmom View Post
    It's like my days need more structure (and depending on the day, more purpose).

    I work full time primarily because of this. I need external structure. I'm so used to putting everything and everyone else first, that I'm not able to put my own needs (and structure) as a priority. I sort of figured this out around the time I was finishing my PhD, and realized some of my discontent was the aimless drifting that graduate school can allow- your adviser may not really want you to finish.... But then I realized that in science, anyway, my life was going to largely self driven, and although I'm hardworking and driven... I need external structure. I often let "busyness" dictate my external structure needs, and just feel tired and no more fulfilled.

    Recently I've slipped back into working harder as a substitute for structure. It's left me miserable, drained, and so disconnected I'm not sure how to turn it around. Someone told me to start doing things that are restorative... but I can't name a single thing that sounds restorative anymore.

    As part of digging out of this hole, I've been thinking a lot about what makes me not "happy" (like fun) but "content" (like relaxed). And one of those things is structure (internal vs external).

    Don't know if that helps OP or not, but I feel like I'm in your same shoes and maybe too early in this journey to give any advice yet, but will be watching this thread for sure!
    Last edited by wallawala; 02-01-2015 at 05:14 PM.

  9. #9
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    .
    Posts
    47,708

    Default Feeling a little lost in my day to day life...

    I've created projects that require more of my time to help stay busy on things other than the house. . I wish I could organize myself to tackle more around the house. I painted ds2's room the other day and the whole project took just 2 days...I could accomplish a ton at that rate but I don't. But, I volunteer about 25 hours/ week. A few years ago I decided to organize a gala type (though casual) fundraiser for the school for something new to do + grow a resume.
    I do feel like there aren't enough hours in the day but I know I could manage them better. I do better when busy.
    Eta- re. the house- I was good about inviting people over a lot last year to make me stay on top of things.

  10. #10
    essnce629's Avatar
    essnce629 is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA, U.S.A.
    Posts
    12,008

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by niccig View Post
    OP you describe me to a t! When I SAHM, I needed some things that didn't revolve around the house or the family. I did a few things just for me:

    Learn something you've always wanted to learn - I want to learn Spanish and how to play the piano when I get the time.
    Yes, I've been feeling like this a lot lately. When I was a SAHM with DS1 I was still nannying and working as a birth and postpartum doula outside of the house so I felt like I had more going on that wasn't just my own kid and house duties. Since having DS2 though I've been a full time SAHM 100% of the time for the past 5.5 years with my life revolving completely around the kids, cooking, cleaning, volunteering at their schools, and everything household related. And I'm just tired of cooking and fixing up the house truthfully! And the low iron issues aren't helping either since i feel exhausted all the time!

    Anyways....4 weeks ago I signed up for a 6 week beginner ballet course. I've wanted to take ballet since I was a little kid, but never got a chance since my mom was a single mom and there was no money for extracurriculars until I was in high school. But the draw to ballet has never lessened for me. So here I am at 33 years old in my first ballet class! It's just a once a week class and everyone in the class is at the exact same level, there's no competition, and I'm LOVING it! After the 6 weeks I will go on to the next 6 week series. I so look forward to putting on my tights and leotard every Sunday! I definitely needed to do something for me.
    Latia (Birth & Postpartum Doula and Infant Nanny)
    Conner 8/19/03 (My 1st home birthed water baby!)
    Parker 5/23/09 (My 2nd home birthed water baby!)

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •