DD's basketball coach is mean!

[Binkandabee]

DD has complained about her basketball coach all season. I've stayed at practices to watch and all seemed like normal coaching. Last night, though, a few of the girls were in tears. According to my DD the coach told them "They were playing like crap". And that if they didn't get out there and get in the game they would regret it come practice on Thursday. She said she would make them run the whole 1.5 hour practice and to ask her daughter if she was serious and her daughter said, yes, she made her do that before.

DD's team is the tiniest team in the league by far and they really aren't all that great, but they seem to have a good time. DD isn't super athletic and this is her first venture into sports at all. She is in 6th grade and is super sensitive, so the yelling is really getting to her. Does this sound like normal coaching or do I need to talk to one of the organizers of the league? DD doesn't even want to go to practice on Thursday. She's ready to quit.

[niccig]

I'm sorry. I think some people could call it normal coaching (things do get more serious as kids get older) but others would say it's out of line. You have to decide on how you feel. We have had a baseball coach, who got upset at the kids talking and made them do a lot of running after a stern talking to and an email to all parents outlining what he was going to do. I was OK with it because how it was presented.

DS 2 years in a row has been put in baseball team of a coach that yells and basically has a tantrum if they lose. I know parents who have been on this guy's team have gotten into arguments with him. I know myself that I would be one of those. I got DS swapped into different division last year, and this year on advice from another mom I called the head of the league and told him straight that DS won't play on this guy's team. DS burst into tears when I told him who his coach was and said he'll skip the season and he LOVES baseball. I think DS is scared of him as witnessed the coaching over the last couple of years. I told DS if we couldn't swap teams, he could choose if he played or not. Thankfully, we got swapped into another team.

So, my advice is to talk to someone whose been involved with the league longer than you to find out what approach to take and who to call. Find out what league tolerates and if there's been issues with this coach before. Some leagues are more strict on coaching than others. E.g. our soccer league has very strict rules for coaching and coaches have been banned because of their behavior. The head of our baseball league knows this coach is a problem and I figure I'm not the only parent that refuses to have their kid on his team. I still don't get why they let him continue to coach. I also know I've used up some capital with the league and there may be some talk among the coaches as it's a small league. So, I'm lying low and won't be complaining about anything else.

You may also want to go along to practice and see how the threat is carried out and you can intervene if you don't like it. I think at some point DS could end up on this guy's team as they get older, there's less teams to choose from. We'll have to deal with it or DS might choose to not play.

[LMPC]

Nope, in no way do I think this is ok. They are, what..12??! Um no. I'm not all about coddling kids but this to be is bordering on emotional abuse IMO. I wouldn't send my kid into that and I would definitely be contacting the organizer.

[Kindra178]

DD has complained about her basketball coach all season. I've stayed at practices to watch and all seemed like normal coaching. Last night, though, a few of the girls were in tears. According to my DD the coach told them "They were playing like crap". And that if they didn't get out there and get in the game they would regret it come practice on Thursday. She said she would make them run the whole 1.5 hour practice and to ask her daughter if she was serious and her daughter said, yes, she made her do that before.

DD's team is the tiniest team in the league by far and they really aren't all that great, but they seem to have a good time. DD isn't super athletic and this is her first venture into sports at all. She is in 6th grade and is super sensitive, so the yelling is really getting to her. Does this sound like normal coaching or do I need to talk to one of the organizers of the league? DD doesn't even want to go to practice on Thursday. She's ready to quit.

Sixth grade? Yes, normal coaching. Nor do I think it is emotional abuse. There are lots of different coaching styles. I wouldn't let her quit. Maybe talk to the coach; he might be responsive to toning it down. I recently watched my niece's 7th grade practice. Regular town league, not travel. Parent volunteers for coaches. Every time a girl missed a certain number of baskets, they had to run. Coach definitely criticized them and pushed them. I wonder if that coach is used to coaching boys.

[megs4413]

I would say yes it is normal. Do I think it's a good idea? No, I don't, but it's totally normal. These are volunteer coaches 99% of the time given no training. You kinda get what you get. For those of us who grew up in sports, there was plenty of this kind of coaching. It is possible that this coach doesn't really know any other style. *shrug*

TBH, sixth grade is a strange time to start a new sport, especially one as complicated as basketball. If she doesn't want to go to practice, I wouldn't make her. She can quit if she wants to. Frankly, it's probably not right for her.

My suggestions:
1. Find a different sport with less complicated rules and choose a beginner's team in a recreational league if at all possible. Soccer is a great starter sport because the rules are not as complicated. Tennis is another good one. Volleyball is good because it's non-contact.
2. Take sports training classes instead of joining a team to introduce your child to a sport. Lots of places offer "classes" or "camps" at the beginner level. They introduce the sport and basic skills in a non-competitive atmosphere. Normally these are taught by highly qualified professionals, not volunteers. This is a much more valuable introductory experience, IMO. If your child likes the sport after the class or camp, then sign up for a team when the next season begins.
3. Coach a team. Seriously, we need parent volunteers that aren't trying to drill sergeant beginners. If that's you, consider putting that investment into both your kid and other kids who could use that kind of experience.

For my credentials, I worked in youth sports leagues (basketball specifically) for about ten years and coached at the collegiate level for a season (before I had my second child.) I also played basketball, soccer, softball and volleyball as a kid and continued to play volleyball in college. HTH!

[egoldber]

This is why my kids hate sports teams. And why I hated them as a kid. I think this is totally normal and is typical. I can see how some kids find this motivating and I am sure that is the goal, but for many kids it is a total turn off.

[niccig]

I would say yes it is normal. Do I think it's a good idea? No, I don't, but it's totally normal. These are volunteer coaches 99% of the time given no training. You kinda get what you get. For those of us who grew up in sports, there was plenty of this kind of coaching. It is possible that this coach doesn't really know any other style. *shrug*

TBH, sixth grade is a strange time to start a new sport, especially one as complicated as basketball. If she doesn't want to go to practice, I wouldn't make her. She can quit if she wants to. Frankly, it's probably not right for her.

My suggestions:
1. Find a different sport with less complicated rules and choose a beginner's team in a recreational league if at all possible. Soccer is a great starter sport because the rules are not as complicated. Tennis is another good one. Volleyball is good because it's non-contact.
2. Take sports training classes instead of joining a team to introduce your child to a sport. Lots of places offer "classes" or "camps" at the beginner level. They introduce the sport and basic skills in a non-competitive atmosphere. Normally these are taught by highly qualified professionals, not volunteers. This is a much more valuable introductory experience, IMO. If your child likes the sport after the class or camp, then sign up for a team when the next season begins.
3. Coach a team. Seriously, we need parent volunteers that aren't trying to drill sergeant beginners. If that's you, consider putting that investment into both your kid and other kids who could use that kind of experience.

For my credentials, I worked in youth sports leagues (basketball specifically) for about ten years and coached at the collegiate level for a season (before I had my second child.) I also played basketball, soccer, softball and volleyball as a kid and continued to play volleyball in college. HTH!

I 2nd a beginners team in a low-key rec league - you have to ask around as some rec leagues aren't low key! DS started basketball in 3rd grade and was totally outmatched by other players, some of who play all year round. The good players wouldn't pass to the not-so-good players. DS hated it. This year we're trying a league at the Y as heard it has more players of various abilities. From watching DS's first practice, this team is a much better match for his playing level and I expect him to enjoy it more and learn more too.

[TwinFoxes]

TBH, sixth grade is a strange time to start a new sport, especially one as complicated as basketball. If she doesn't want to go to practice, I wouldn't make her. She can quit if she wants to. Frankly, it's probably not right for her.

My suggestions:
1. Find a different sport with less complicated rules and choose a beginner's team in a recreational league if at all possible. Soccer is a great starter sport because the rules are not as complicated. Tennis is another good one. Volleyball is good because it's non-contact.
2. Take sports training classes instead of joining a team to introduce your child to a sport. Lots of places offer "classes" or "camps" at the beginner level. They introduce the sport and basic skills in a non-competitive atmosphere. Normally these are taught by highly qualified professionals, not volunteers. This is a much more valuable introductory experience, IMO. If your child likes the sport after the class or camp, then sign up for a team when the next season begins.
3. Coach a team. Seriously, we need parent volunteers that aren't trying to drill sergeant beginners. If that's you, consider putting that investment into both your kid and other kids who could use that kind of experience.

This all makes sense to me. Basketball is not a sport that comes naturally, dribbling is not easy, nor is shooting. Not a good first sport. Maybe something like tennis, where you can be coached one on one, or track, or field hockey or lacrosse which kids are probably just picking up.

By sixth grade, kids are looking ahead, even when I was kid, so coaches aren't as touchy feely, good job. Your coach sounds over the top, but not extreme or abusive. Abusive is name calling, belittling, etc.

[123LuckyMom]

I thought the behavior was borderline not okay until I reread that it's a sixth grade team. Myson is in kindy, and I wouldn't be happy with coaching like that for Little's, but for sixth grade, I think it is normal-- Not ideal, certainly, but not out of the realm of normal. I don't think the coach should have used the word "crap," but making them run, totally okay. I just would have liked her delivery to be less harsh. I would urge your daughter to tough it out and see how things go. Not everyone is going to be the best match for her personality-wise, but it's important for her to realize that, though she might think the coach is mean, she might still be able to learn things from her and become a better player. I used to hate teachers and coaches who took a tough approach and tried to bring out an "I'll show her" type of spirit in me. I just felt defeated. I did much better with a nurturing, cheerleading approach. Still, everyone will not have the ideal communicating style. It's important to learn how to adapt to different styles. Undoubtably going forward she will have coaches, teachers, classmates, colleagues, bosses, who will be tough to deal with, but if she can learn how to take away what she needs and let the rest roll off her back, she'll have learned a fantastic life skill.

[SummerBaby]

This is why my kids hate sports teams. And why I hated them as a kid. I think this is totally normal and is typical. I can see how some kids find this motivating and I am sure that is the goal, but for many kids it is a total turn off.

I agree with Beth. It seems the older the kids get, the more hardcore the coaching is, even in rec leagues. I had my DD2 moved to another softball team in Kindergarten, yes Kindergarten, when the coach berated them if they had to use the tee to hit. DD2 is now on a swim team and she regularly has to get out of the pool and do push ups if her breaststroke kick is wrong. The swim coach also makes them do push ups for talking or not paying attention. She is in second grade now. It really is turning her off swimming- she is also very sensitive. She will never be on a varsity swim team, but she does like swimming, and I hate to see her quit because it's good exercise for her. I'm not a particularly competitive person and I'm totally uncoordinated but I was able to play sports as a kid until high school (when i couldn't make a team) without being yelled at or punished. It was just about fun and learning how to play the sport. I really dislike the way most youth sports are today, at least in my area.