If you can't go to the wedding but still want to show you care...

[Reader]

What do you do? Throw a virtual shower for the bride? Plan another time to visit (this is thousands of miles away). This is one of DH's family members, and he really wants to convey that we care even if we don't attend the wedding.

As an aside, would you be hurt if a family member didn't attend your wedding? I wouldn't have, but we didn't want or have a big wedding.

[ckso]

I have a lot of family in Asia and didn't expect anyone from Asia to attend. And no one did not even my uncle (moms dad). They sent gifts (money or jewelry which is Chinese custom)

[ckso]

Also want to add I have family who is in Vancouver Canada so less than a 3 hr flight and still didn't expect them to come (although many did). No hurt feelings. It's expensive and timing may not be right especially if you have kids.

I had a moderate size wedding, about 280 guests

[ChicagoNDMom]

How about a surprise for the bride and groom? Depends on how close you are to them and your budget. You could gift something for the wedding/recetion that is outside their budget but that they really wanted. Of course, item/cost varies, but I would talk to the bride. Maybe something like she really wanted like professional programs or a signature drink at the reception, something like that. Or sending her a cute "bridal ememrgency kit" for the actual day (Google it for ideas). Or you could consider upgrading their honeymoon hotel room. All of these would make you "part" of the celebration, even if you are not there.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Can you arrange for champagne and goodies to be sent to their honeymoon hotel?

It'd depend on the person whether I'd be hurt that they didn't attend. There are some people that I expect to make the effort (close family) and others I'd give them a pass without problem.

[mackmama]

I remember the family members who did not attend my wedding. It hurt because they only said no to the rsvp without any explanation. So my suggestion is to call and explain why you can't come in person. Send a gift. Follow up with them after the wedding to hear about it and share your regrets again. It's okay if you can't go imo, but just show you care.

[Liziz]

I remember the family members who did not attend my wedding. It hurt because they only said no to the rsvp without any explanation. So my suggestion is to call and explain why you can't come in person. Send a gift. Follow up with them after the wedding to hear about it and share your regrets again. It's okay if you can't go imo, but just show you care.

Yes, this makes sense to me. I only had a couple people that couldn't attend my wedding (from my close family). I was bummed -- not because they had to miss it, but just because I wished they could be there. I think the difference comes in how the person handles it. The couple family members who couldn't come to my wedding all called or emailed me personally (as well as sending the "regrets" on the RSVP card) with their apologies/regrets. That was all I needed to know that they cared. Personally, I don't think you need to do anything more than a personal call/email/letter (depending on how yall usually communicate) letting the person know how much you wish you could be there but couldn't, and then sending a nice gift.

[123LuckyMom]

People can be very touchy about weddings. Your DH's family members might be offended, but their reaction is up to them and is out of your control. If you call the bride or groom and express how much you wish you could be there, send a nice gift (preferably before the date of the wedding), and send a card or something letting them know you're thinking of them even though you couldn't be there (and I love the idea of that card accompanying something like champagne and strawberries or really yummy chocolates or the like in their wedding night room), I think you will have done all within your power to let them know you care.

[klwa]

*sigh* This is a hard one for me. DH & I had planned to go on vacation last year and then received a Save the Date for his cousin's wedding. Very formal. 4 hour car ride away (even though they live 5 minutes away from us). With three kids, we felt that we would be best served NOT going to the wedding & continuing on with our vacation. But, we wanted to do something for them. Throw a shower, something. Well, all He** broke loose when we asked about it. Not from the bride/groom (who I honestly still don't think cared that we were there), but from the extended family. So, we changed all of our plans & went to the wedding, kids in tow. (Yes, they were invited. No, I didn't like the idea of bringing them to a very formal wedding. But, FAMILY!!!!)

At our wedding, most of the family on both sides was there, but there are some who weren't able to make it. (Some cousins live a multi hour plane ride away. Some were nearby but had other priorities that weekend.) For us, it didn't mean anything other than they needed to be elsewhere. We still have good relationships with all of the extended family. Our wedding was somewhere between 100-150.

ETA: Now, if it's a sibling, that would be different in my mind.

[Reader]

Your DH's family members might be offended, but their reaction is up to them and is out of your control.

I need to remember this type of thought more often. Thanks.