DD's basketball coach is mean!

[StantonHyde]

Telling a person their work is not up to standards is not belittling. Now if you tell the child "you are a piece of crap", that's a different story. But telling them they played poorly--that's the truth. Same thing with work--you can tell me my work was bad, but you can't tell me I am bad. If you do, then I will find another job.

Yes, the coach could have celebrated that they had any points at all. But the coach is pushing them to do better. Rec League doesn't mean goof off the whole time. And 6th grade is too old to be learning just the basics. I wouldn't expect high school plays, but they need to be able to do something. I don't let DS turn in poor school work just because he thinks it is great. It isn't by the teacher's standard, or mine. And I am not going to instill false confidence in him by telling him he is doing a great job when he isn't. I praise his effort regardless of the grade. But he has to do his best. He is getting a C in math and with his dyslexia--that is awesome!! But I expect him to get an A in Social Studies and Science because he knows that stuff backwards and forwards and if he isn't getting a good grade it is because he isn't doing the work.

And no, I don't expect adults to take care of my children all the time--not at the older ages at least. My kids have to learn to take care of themselves too. My job is to buffer the world, not prevent it from happening to them. I had coaches who yelled like crazy--because they cared and they expected the best from me. I had a riding teacher who I feared more than the jumps AND I knew she would never ask me to do something I could not do. So she had me jumping 4 feet and I won jumping classes and I loved it.

At what point do you learn to deal with mean people in authority? In college? Your first job? I would rather coach my kids through a workable situation with me there to support them vs. them having to encounter it on their own for the first time. And you sure as heck can't call their boss and say your child should be treated with respect. You need to learn how much is too much and when it is too much, how to cut ties gracefully and move on.


The bottom line is that the coach doesn't sit right with the OP--there are plenty of other leagues out there for sports and I would support the OP finding another one. Just know that it won't be perfect--hopefully it will be a better fit.

[egoldber]

there are plenty of other leagues out there for sports

I'm not really sure how true that is. For an older child who is a true beginner, there are very, very few leagues that accommodate this. And it's not like it's a surprise to the coach that these kids are beginners. He would have realized that at the first practice.

As a PP mentioned, a better option than a league may be camps or specialty workshops for beginners, but again they are not always easy to find. When I was growing up (when dinosaurs roamed the earth ) it seems like there was a lot more opportunity to start a sport for the first time as an older kid. Now there is an expectation that kids will have played for many years by the time they reach middle school.

[megs4413]

I'm not really sure how true that is. For an older child who is a true beginner, there are very, very few leagues that accommodate this. And it's not like it's a surprise to the coach that these kids are beginners. He would have realized that at the first practice.

As a PP mentioned, a better option than a league may be camps or specialty workshops for beginners, but again they are not always easy to find. When I was growing up (when dinosaurs roamed the earth ) it seems like there was a lot more opportunity to start a sport for the first time as an older kid. Now there is an expectation that kids will have played for many years by the time they reach middle school.

Yep.

I want to caution OP on YMCA leagues. Listen, this is hit or miss based on your local YMCA. At our local YMCA, this would be a TERRIBLE idea. It's likely to be just as bad or worse as what you are currently experiencing. If you can, ask some people that have participated at your local YMCA before signing up. They don't offer refunds!

[Binkandabee]

Yep.

I want to caution OP on YMCA leagues. Listen, this is hit or miss based on your local YMCA. At our local YMCA, this would be a TERRIBLE idea. It's likely to be just as bad or worse as what you are currently experiencing. If you can, ask some people that have participated at your local YMCA before signing up. They don't offer refunds!

Thanks for the head's up! I think what I am going to do is straight up ask about the coach's style. I will be specific in what we are looking for. Kind of wish I'd done that this go around...but I truly thought that this league was very low key.

[jenmcadams]

As a PP mentioned, a better option than a league may be camps or specialty workshops for beginners, but again they are not always easy to find. When I was growing up (when dinosaurs roamed the earth ) it seems like there was a lot more opportunity to start a sport for the first time as an older kid. Now there is an expectation that kids will have played for many years by the time they reach middle school.

I would really strongly suggest camps and workshops. It sucks but older beginners can be really behind in some sports and even good athletes will need some extra help starting a new sport later in elementary or middle. My DD (who has played a lot of sports and is generally pretty decent to good depending on the sport) started Lacrosse in 6th grade and it's been tough. She's playing this Spring again for the second time and luckily can play for her school during PE and also gets to play for a low key club. There are no beginner teams for her age group, so luckily she's found nice coaches and nice girls who are patient with her