"GoFundMe.com" - question/gripe

[daisysmom]

I agree with this. I think there is a place for these kinds of sites for true catastrophic emergencies. I feel like there are other worthy causes, sure. I think adoption and IVF are both expensive and worthy of funding but I feel like they aren't quite on the level of paying for cancer treatments that will keep somebody alive. I feel like they can be financed through other sacrifices and hard work. I don't want to give opinions about what that looks like. I'm personally not going to judge somebody else's lifestyle. As "simple" and "humble" as I think I live, my life resembles the Kardashians more than it resembles the life of a person in a 3rd world country! So to me it isn't so much about what kinds of lifestyles somebody else lives, rather that I think any kind of extra should be self-funded. I like the comparison to a mortgage. DEFINITELY home ownership is something amazing and that I think couples should be able to have a home. But I don't think I should pay for it or I should ask for it. If a family member or friend close to me needed money for an adoption and I knew about it, I'd donate if I could. I just don't think it is appropriate to ask in this way.

I've encountered these requests before and have done as PPs have suggested--just ignored. I'm sure people can do that. But if you're asking what I think--I think it isn't tasteful to ask for non-emergency money from friends and family in such an impersonal way.

I agree with this too. I have a good friend from college whose son (oldest son of 5 kids) just got diagnosed with cancer at 12 years old. We aren't using GFM, but we have set up charitable drives and fundraisers for this family to help pay for what insurance isn't covering (it is staggering to me what their out of pocket bills are already, 4 months into this). To me this isn't too personal -- the response has been great, everyone wants to do something for this family.

But for IVF... I think that is incredibly personal. I have offered my sister several times to pay for a second IVF attempt for her, she won't take it but I woudl gladly pay it. I can't imagine fundraising for that though. It is just my personal belief.

[barkley1]

The judgment in this thread makes me sad. I don't love the "we're doing the world a favor" aspect, but I don't think their lifestyle sounds crazy extravagant. I think it's easy to judge when you haven't been in these people's shoes. With adoption, it is important to build attachment. It makes sense to not work and stay home with the baby to facilitate that. Why not just not donate if it bothers you? I just can't understand the animosity. Maybe they already exhausted their funding resources on years of infertility treatments?

Currently, the couple is on an airplane on their way to a lovely, warm beachy place....according to their most recent selfie on FB. If they've already spent all their money on infertility treatments, they need to just go get a loan. It's plain tacky. That's why the animosity, I'm pretty sure. No, I will not be donating.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I agree with this. I think there is a place for these kinds of sites for true catastrophic emergencies. I feel like there are other worthy causes, sure. I think adoption and IVF are both expensive and worthy of funding but I feel like they aren't quite on the level of paying for cancer treatments that will keep somebody alive. I feel like they can be financed through other sacrifices and hard work. I don't want to give opinions about what that looks like. I'm personally not going to judge somebody else's lifestyle. As "simple" and "humble" as I think I live, my life resembles the Kardashians more than it resembles the life of a person in a 3rd world country! So to me it isn't so much about what kinds of lifestyles somebody else lives, rather that I think any kind of extra should be self-funded. I like the comparison to a mortgage. DEFINITELY home ownership is something amazing and that I think couples should be able to have a home. But I don't think I should pay for it or I should ask for it. If a family member or friend close to me needed money for an adoption and I knew about it, I'd donate if I could. I just don't think it is appropriate to ask in this way.

I've encountered these requests before and have done as PPs have suggested--just ignored. I'm sure people can do that. But if you're asking what I think--I think it isn't tasteful to ask for non-emergency money from friends and family in such an impersonal way.

pretty much agree.

the latest gofundme i saw going around was for a local family w/ 3 kiddos whose house burned down in a fire. they lost everything..no house, no toys, nada but clothes on their backs. a neighbor started a fundraising page for them as well as drives for people to donate clothes for the family. this sort of thing is on a different level that a couple starting their own page wanting to pay for IVF or an adoption, yet can at the same time go on $$ vacations , drive a fancy car and have one parent stay at home. While some say "we shouldn't judge"-- well, i think if you have the gall to ask near-strangers for money in such an impersonal manner (for non-emergency/life-saving procedure), you should naturally expect to recieve some sort of judgment re: your spending habits. I don't think owning a house, a nice car, doing expensive hobbies and going on $$ vacations is all that over-the-top (i'm sure many of us on BBB have/do these things), but i think it definitely is coming from someone who is asking their friends/family to fund an (optional, IMO) lifestyle choice.

If I had a sister who wanted to do IVF/adoption and had trouble funding it i would totally give as much as we could afford. But to impersonally ask aquiantances and the like (while flaunting things like cars, vacations, etc) is in incredibly poor taste and smacks of entitlement.

[sariana]

Can you get a loan for an adoption or similar? A loan usually requires some sort of collateral. For a home loan, of course, it is the house. Similarly a car loan involves the physical car.

The closest parallel I can think of is a student loan, in which the "collateral" is the expected earnings of someone with a better education. But the stakes are high, and so are the interest rates. The bank can't repossess a diploma.

Or a child.

Nothing in any of the OP's posts would lead me to think this couple necessarily would qualify for any kind of loan. The ONLY possible thing is the second home, but if it is underwater or simply not worth much, that might not mean anything at all.

The "vacation" could be a perk for meeting a quota at work, or a collection on travel "points" from business trips, or who knows what?

They could be in debt up to their eyeballs, as the old commercial said.

I still don't think that makes the GFM site okay--I think that's a separate issue. But I don't think driving a used luxury car or having a nice home is a very good indication of someone's income level.

[jren]

There used to be loans for adoption, not sure if those still exist. We used our other assets, home equity, retirement. We were lucky we had a lot of equity in our home. I know some don't and it would be incredibly difficult under those circumstances. Many have to wait years to adopt anyway, and can work outside the home and save while waiting. It sucks. But I still could never fundraise for it. I don't fault anyone who does, I haven't donated in the past though.


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[Momit]

Currently, the couple is on an airplane on their way to a lovely, warm beachy place....according to their most recent selfie on FB. If they've already spent all their money on infertility treatments, they need to just go get a loan. It's plain tacky. That's why the animosity, I'm pretty sure. No, I will not be donating.

Totally tacky IMO.