SAHMs: DH's work conferences

[elektra]

My dh regularly used to work that late without any notice, so I got used to that. All that said, for a conference that he knew about, especially since those aren't his normal hours, you should have had notice.

I expect DH to let me know when he knows. If he only gave me 2 days notice for something that he knew about for weeks, it would have been a mistake and he would have apologized, not acted like it was no big deal, or at least I would expect him to! HOWEVER, both DH and I have been traveling a lot lately and he often doesn't get much notice, or he'll have notice that he "maybe" has to go and then it comes down to the last minute. So in those cases, I have had to figure things out with a day or two notice.
I am not a SAHM though, so I think it's more reasonable that I get more notice. I think SAHM's have more under control on their own and while a longer notice is preferred, I think it's not as necessary.

[hbridge]

If your DH has a conference that will require him to be gone a lot more than usual, how soon do you want to be notified?

My DH was speaking at a conference this week, thankfully in town, and he's also attending. He's sleeping here, but gone from 8am until 11pm ish wednesday through friday this week. He told me on monday. I was pissed. He thinks I'm making something out of nothing since I had two days' notice. I think he's smoking crack and anyone would be ticked to find out last minute (when your spouse has known for longer) that their coparent was going to be MIA for three days. Am I wrong?

I guess it depends. What you described is fairly typical around here...a lot of last minute late nights.

The only time I ever really got upset was when DH told me the Wednesday after Thanksgiving that he was going to a different hemisphere for three weeks returning on December 23rd! That one I was NOT HAPPY about!

[mikala]

My dh regularly used to work that late without any notice, so I got used to that. All that said, for a conference that he knew about, especially since those aren't his normal hours, you should have had notice.

My DH usually adds travel details to our shared calendar when he gets them. He doesn't always remember to tell me in person but it's usually at least in electronic form in a timely manner and I notice when I'm looking at upcoming events.

[TwinFoxes]

If he were spending the night, I would definitely want notice. But I don't think in this situation it's that egregious. Am I reading correctly, it's three days? I wouldn't do much different, except order takeout a couple of times. But, your DH's attitude is kind of sucky.

[elektra]

Just reread. I misunderstood thst he is still coming home. So he is basically needing to work late all week. Two days notice would be ok.

[AnnieW625]

Working late 2 days notice as long as I don't have a prior engagement (I am the incoming exec. secretary for my JR. League) I am okay with that. I would be a little more perturbed if it was out of town on a short notice, but I wouldn't be overly mad unless it was an overall bad week for us. Thankfully we get almost a month notice for all of DH's travel when an overnight stay is required.

[Twoboos]

I would want more notice, maybe a week or at least the weekend before. For the kids, it's like he is actually away, they won't see him. So there's that to deal with. My DDs can be a mess when DH is away, it happens so rarely they can barely handle it. (One is already freaking that he might, maybe, be gone for a week in October - yes that's in 6 months.)

OTOH, DH found out yesterday he has a late conference call and won't be home til 9ish tonight. It is what it is. But it sounds like your DH knew well in advance. He would have been better off going the "Oh sorry I thought I told you" route instead of saying you're making a big deal of it! That part just seems disrespectful and the combo of the two would leave me unhappy.

[cvanbrunt]

I don't think it's a big deal. My husband travels internationally regularly. It's his job. I SAH and don't have such a complicated routine that I can't handle him not being home. What difference would it really make if you had more notice?

[Mopey]

I am not a SAHM but work part-time and have all parenting duties.

I do think the notice was sucky but enough - it's the attitude that's wrong in your case OP. Not cool to blow you off. I have a bit the same problem - not the blow off but forgetful husband whose phone often dies. When I have to handle everything all day, plus work and be expecting to work most of the night it is really annoying to not know when to expect him through the door (6 or 7:30 can make a big difference when I'm pregnancy exhausted lately). He's working on it. I always need night activity notice (networking events usually) so I know I have to go the whole day alone + work...We had afew issues with that earlier this winter (like loads of work no help with kids and he tells me in the morning) so we are working on that. I try to do the calendar once a week. Thankfully he hardly ever travels.

[okinawama]

So he is basically needing to work late all week. Two days notice would be ok.

I understand the inconvenience, and I'd be annoyed at the fact that he was blowing me off, but working late a couple days this week wouldn't be reason for significant notice over here.