Work/life balance conundrum

[twowhat?]

I think I just need to type this out because I am torn.

Last year, DH and I seriously discussed me quitting my job and freelancing. We agreed to give it "another year" to see how things went at my work, if work/life balance could improve.

Work/life balance has improved...but not by much. The industry I'm in cycles during the year, and we are in a busy cycle now so I expect to be working many nights/weekends. However, this year has also seemed pretty much non-stop since January. The company is taking small steps to try to fix the workload issue. I emphasize small because it's not really enough, but it is a positive that the company is moving in the right direction.

Anyway, my job is client-facing and can be extremely stressful and is very demanding but my clients love me and specifically ask for me. I was so stressed out last year that this is why DH and I discussed me quitting. For a variety of reasons (one being that I want to be self-sufficient if anything should happen to DH), I have stuck it out. This year quitting (and freelancing) has been CONSTANTLY on my mind.

Until this week.

I found out that my company is giving me a retention bonus - and all I have to do is still be here at this time next year. It's a lot of money. I was seriously gobsmacked. And then if that wasn't enough, I was told that I'd get a 5-10% raise in June, and then will be promoted to a senior leadership position at the end of the year, along with another raise (likely 8-10%). Given that I just barely make a six-digit salary...that's a lot of money. The retention bonus is also a lot...well into the thousands. All of which sounds grand...but with that comes greater responsibility (and also potentially greater power to enact change), and more travel.

So now I'm torn. Stick it out? A promotion would theoretically improve my freelance prospects. Not to mention ALL THE MONEY they threw at me. I'm frankly shocked...I've never been in a situation before where my company finds me THAT valuable. And it's weird too because I have not made ANY mention of potentially wanting to leave at all. I get along really well with all of my coworkers, and I have their ear (including folks in upper management). I work hard and fight to make deadlines (at my own detriment) in order to not let my clients down. And apparently I'm good at customer service (still bizarre to me, given that I'm a major introvert) and my clients have on multiple occasions sent emails to my boss or upper management specifically calling me or my team out for the work that I/we did for them. I really wonder how the heck I got this far.

If I stick it out, I would need to work hard at improving my work/life balance...if that means speaking up more for contract support, being better about delegating, etc...but I also want my team to be happy. I've stressed the importance of work/life balance to every one of my direct reports and so far it's killed me to feel like I can't "make good on" my philosophy...but with this promotion maybe I will have more power to do that.

Ugh. I know it's a good situation to be in but the bottom line is my work/life balance needs to improve. Maybe the easy answer is "stick it out for one year, get the retention bonus, promotion, and raises, and then decide". I don't know. Quitting to freelance would mean a drastic cut in our household income given how much I will be making by the end of the year. But money cannot buy happiness, I know. And at the same time, I think that if I could figure out HOW, I could figure out how to strike a balance (whatever that might be) with this job and be OK with it. And to throw a wrench in the works, a successful freelancer could make twice what I currently make. I know freelancers who are doing this right now!!

DH completely supports whatever decision I want to make. But he was also clearly gobsmacked at everything my company threw at me LOL.

Has anyone BTDT or want to just give opinions so I can think through this?

[vludmilla]

Hmm. I think I'd consider taking all of that extra money and saving/investing it and then quitting after a year or so to do freelance work. I think it is exceptionally difficult to get great work-life balance in demanding careers when you are not your own boss.

[westwoodmom04]

Stick with it for a year. If you then move to another job, you would have a higher base and a better title they would have to match/improve. Also, you've already earned the bonuses, might as well collect them.

[hillview]

well I think you can get a lot of balance if the timeline is a year. For me I need to better manage my own schedule and expectations. eg show up at say 9 and leave at 5 and call it good. Delegate. Mentor someone to be the next you. Find someone who wants that role and therefore workload and responsibility. I'd likely do it.

[BDKmom]

Hmm. I think I'd consider taking all of that extra money and saving/investing it and then quitting after a year or so to do freelance work. I think it is exceptionally difficult to get great work-life balance in demanding careers when you are not your own boss.

I agree with this. Put all the extra money aside that you can for the next year. Get the bonus. If you have made more strides toward balance, then you are more confident in a decision to stay and ahead financially. If the next year shows you that things aren't going to change as much as you need them to, you will have a nice cushion to fall back on when you start your freelance work. I agree that the best balance comes when you are the boss, but it also is a big step off a cliff when you make the decision to go out on your own. If you are that well thought of, though, I doubt you will have much trouble getting started up on your own.

All that being said, don't tie yourself to the year if it becomes unbearable. Be ok with cutting loose before then if it gets to be too much.

Good luck to you. Wishing you lots of peace in the decision making process.

[Simon]

I agree to go with it. As you take on 'new responsibilities' be sure to off load some of your projects that are the most time consuming! This is a great chance to dictate what work you keep and what work you pass along. If nothing else, it sounds like you could have a very lucrative final year at the company. Heck, if they are throwing this much $$ at you, it sounds like you are in a good position to negotiate even more or other intangibles (1/2 day off every Friday in the low season, for example, or an extra week of paid vacation).

[maestramommy]

Hmm. I think I'd consider taking all of that extra money and saving/investing it and then quitting after a year or so to do freelance work. I think it is exceptionally difficult to get great work-life balance in demanding careers when you are not your own boss.

This is what I'm thinking too.

[KpbS]

You sound totally awesome at your job--I am very impressed, wow! To have clients seek you specifically and give unsolicited feedback regarding your performance is fantastic!

Regarding your conundrum, I think it is impossible to strike a good work/life balance when working many nights and weekends on end. That is just way too much work and not enough life, kwim?

The money is certainly tempting, but I would decline. Another year at your current pace (not to mention increased responsibility and travel) could be a recipe for total burnout. For me, I know my marriage and family would suffer the brunt of that level of work demand and burnout.

I would switch gears and start freelancing in the next few months if I was in your shoes.

[citymama]

I'm going to do a Sheryl Sandberg and advise you to "lean in." Take the opportunity before you call it quits. If you've made it clear that you're seeking work-life balance and they're promoting you knowing your parameters, that's really promising. Maintain those limits and don't over extend yourself, but accept the opportunity. If you're thinking of quitting in any case, then what's the wrist that can happen? Congrats on the promotion!

[Still-in-Shock]

Since your priority is your work/life balance, this is a decision that you need to make with your husband, and maybe get some input from your girls. How do they feel about your schedule now?
When I was your girls' age, my dad went to night school for a Masters, and my mom told us that he was doing it for us and that it was temporary, and we went back to whatever we were doing. But not all children feel that way.

When do you need to let your company know? It would probably be helpful to spend at least a day not discussing it, and let the offer just percolate in your subconscious. Then see how you feel about it after you slept on it.