Work/life balance conundrum

[Izzy&Bella]

Your company is telling you that you're valuable to them. I'd use this as an opportunity to negotiate what you really want - a smaller client caseload, another assistant, or whatever it'll take to help you achieve that work/life balance.

[egoldber]

I think your current pace is unsustainable, no matter what they pay you. People who do this kind of work long term typically have a partner who is either in a much less stressful job or who stays at home.

My job is nothing like yours, but it has become more stressful lately. I can already feel my quality of life deteriorating and I just don't feel this is sustainable. I can't imagine working like you do, having my partner work similarly, and have two young kids.

I would either turn it down OR accept it ONLY with conditions: reduced clients, guaranteed no weekends, etc.

[AnnieW625]

If you love your job then I think you should stick with it. If you aren't happy then I really think you need to think how the additional stress will impact your family and your health. I also think that if you this well thought of in your field and you go out and freelance on your own you could be just busy and will still have to run your company. Good luck with your choice.

[twowhat?]

Agreed, current pace is unsustainable. I also need to do better about contracting help proactively. I just started learning that process this year and truly just need to do it more often, and plan better for it.

I actually don't have to tell my company anything - nothing to sign...just have to be here through this time next year. So, if I decide to quit before then, then I just won't get the retention bonus which would be totally fine with me. I guess the bad thing about that is that it takes away some negotiating power.

The promotion is a bigger deal (in terms of my future potential whether it be at the same company, a different one, or freelance) and I won't get that until the end of the year. Which at this point is really only a bit more than half a year away.

I have NOT relayed work/life balance to my company other than a couple of side conversations with my boss about how it's unreasonable for working nights/weekends to be the rule rather than the exception when the problem can be (partly) solved by staffing. The problem is that most everyone above me is of the workaholic variety. I could be the first person in leadership who really starts pushing for work/life balance and if they truly think THAT highly of me...then maybe I could make a difference in the company dynamics? And I believe that as crazy as my industry is, work/life balance can (generally) be had if the company values their employees enough to keep them happy. But I could also be fighting a strong upstream current on this if everyone else in management things everyone should work this hard, always... It's hard because we're a growing company and with that comes growing pains and I think the company needs to be very careful and think hard about retaining the VERY talented group of people that we currently have. Because I've seen burnout/mass exodus of really talented people at other similar companies. It's a very real possibility.

The good thing is that since there's no contract, I don't actually have to decide. I just get to "be".

What a weird situation to be in, I am still gobsmacked. I will definitely sit on this a bit longer or just see how it goes if I am bolder about pushing back and more vocal about work/life balance for my team.

And as for my clients I think I've been pretty lucky to have great clients (in other words, nice people) who do truly see and appreciate my work and who don't hold back about letting me or my bosses know. Not everyone has that. I feel like I've just been lucky but I also need to believe that it really is because I'm good at what I do and how I interact with my clients. I guess the good thing about being a self-doubter is that I'm constantly seeking ways to improve? Haha.

And it's also weird...I have always been one of those "lean out" people, family first, etc. But now I almost feel like I should lean in a little bit and see what happens. Thanks for all the food for thought so far! Still internalizing all of this!

[egoldber]

And it's also weird...I have always been one of those "lean out" people, family first, etc. But now I almost feel like I should lean in a little bit and see what happens. Thanks for all the food for thought so far! Still internalizing all of this!

I have not read the lean in book, but if you're already working every night and every weekend, how much more "in" can you lean?

I would think carefully about the promotion. Look at the people who already have this job and what their work schedules are like. I would be concerned that it will mean more time in the office and face time with upper management. Can you do that? Or I guess the question is are you willing to make the trade offs that will come with that?

It's hugely flattering to be told you're a star performer, that clients like you, and the business wants you to move up. You should be proud of those accomplishments. But I would think about what moving upward in this organization will mean for you and your life. Are there other options at other companies? Is it just the people in this company that are workaholics? Or is this the typical culture of the companies that do your work? I would think about sideways movement that might put you in a different type of career trajectory.

I will also say that freelance work can be hugely stressful. My DH is a freelance consultant. In some ways he sets his own hours, but in other ways he is completely at the mercy of his clients. Time not billed is time not paid. There is no "paid" vacation. You have to be willing and able to charge a high enough hourly billable rate to make the "down time" not so stressful. He also spends a very large portion of his time marketing himself and his business. You have to have a thick skin when people say no thanks to working with you, and you have to be willing to approach potential clients and put out proposals that get rejected.

[twowhat?]

I have not read the lean in book, but if you're already working every night and every weekend, how much more "in" can you lean?

I would think carefully about the promotion. Look at the people who already have this job and what their work schedules are like. I would be concerned that it will mean more time in the office and face time with upper management. Can you do that? Or I guess the question is are you willing to make the trade offs that will come with that?

It's hugely flattering to be told you're a star performer, that clients like you, and the business wants you to move up. You should be proud of those accomplishments. But I would think about what moving upward in this organization will mean for you and your life. Are there other options at other companies? Is it just the people in this company that are workaholics? Or is this the typical culture of the companies that do your work? I would think about sideways movement that might put you in a different type of career trajectory.

I will also say that freelance work can be hugely stressful. My DH is a freelance consultant. In some ways he sets his own hours, but in other ways he is completely at the mercy of his clients. Time not billed is time not paid. There is no "paid" vacation. You have to be willing and able to charge a high enough hourly billable rate to make the "down time" not so stressful. He also spends a very large portion of his time marketing himself and his business. You have to have a thick skin when people say no thanks to working with you, and you have to be willing to approach potential clients and put out proposals that get rejected.

Yes, all good points. I do have a couple of friends who freelance successfully that I need to talk to. The WHOLE point of going to freelance would be to reduce my hours and only choose to take on the work I want to do. HOWEVER I know what you mean...if I turn down work from a client as a freelancer, they are less likely to come back and ask me another time when I'm "less busy". So I can see how even freelance would mean I'd end up with full time or more hours again. And I'd also be learning the "business management" part of managing freelance work - which I could suck at! The trade-off would be no travel (if I didn't want to). The other option is to freelance for a company that manages freelancers...that way I'd have another buffer between me and the client. The disadvantage of that is I'd lose out on the client interaction part of it...which apparently I'm good at.

Moving to another company...not likely to change my work/life balance. This industry is just NUTS and it's how it is. I don't want to say what it is on a public forum but happy to share over PM. So then my other option is a complete career CHANGE. LOL. And I don't even know where to begin with that.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It seems as a total outsider that you're underpaid and I'm guessing that's industry specific. Sounds like the skills you have could easily launch you to a different career that would pay better with a better balance. Maybe not? Seems like it though.

[twowhat?]

It seems as a total outsider that you're underpaid and I'm guessing that's industry specific. Sounds like the skills you have could easily launch you to a different career that would pay better with a better balance. Maybe not? Seems like it though.

I think that those must exist. The challenge is finding something. I could go work for my clients' companies...but in that industry, remote-based employees (which I am, 100% home-based) are quite rare. I am unwilling to move to the East/West coast or go work in an office again so that really limits my choices.

I do wonder if I'm underpaid and if at the very least I should be asking for more money. I did go looking on glassdoor and at least based on those salaries, I am getting paid appropriately. I will definitely ask for more vacation time.

[AustenFan]

DH was in a similar position to yours when he basically had his dream job working at one of the most prestigious firms in the country. Bonuses for staying just an extra 6 months, good raises, the promise of advancement, etc, but quite frankly, his hours were insane, and our life was horrible (and that was with me SAH full-time--can't imagine how much harder it would have been if we'd both been working outside the home). After the two most miserable years of our life, he took a near 50% pay cut to change career paths, and it was the best thing we ever did for our family. Five years in, we have never regretted for a moment putting family before his earning potential/prestige. At this point, if he'd stuck it out, he'd have made partner and would be making 4-5 times what we're making right now. But we are happy, our marriage is good, we've been able to have two more children, he has the time to coach the kids' soccer, he has flexibility, he's no longer depressed, and he honestly enjoys what he's doing now more than what he was doing before. We took a risk, but we'd do it again in a heartbeat. All of his coworkers (male and female) who chose to lean in at that point did so at the expense of family and quality of life. If you've been unhappy with the balance of life for the past year at least, I don't think that a raise/bonus/promotion will magically make life happier or less stressful.

[wellyes]

If you freelance with a goal of keeping, say, 50% of your current workload (and pay), and stick with it, you will probably not regret it. If you freelance full time you will make more and have a worse work-life balance. I am sure that depends on your field but that's been my general observation.

I would only take the promotion if you would like to give it a real go. Change priorities to making a higher income . Because money and the hired help that comes with it can sure help the work life balance problem.....

In your shoes, based on what I am reading between the lines of your posts, I think I would lean in.

I am currently a SAHM with zero regrets about lower income and more time with kiddos. I will never turn someone who can manage it away from that path because it's a once in a lifetime chance with little ones. But you are valued and highly engaged. That is great for your kids to see in their mom. I think you are in a no-lose situation.