frequent flyer at school/nurses office

[rachelh]

DDs are starting a new school this year and I am so anxious. I am more worried for my older daughter who is beginning fourth grade. She is much more aware that this school is much bigger than her previous one, that she struggles a bit academically, etc. One of my concerns that is probably an "easy fix" is limiting how many times she goes to the school office and nurse. It started with her going constantly to complain of headaches which we have successfully treated. But since then, it has been her going to complain for any number of reasons - stomachache, leaving something unimportant at home, hurt herself at gym, etc. It drives me crazy and I am sure it drives the office crazy as well. Over the past year, I explained to DD the concept of the boy who cried wolf but to no avail. I recently started to talk to her about the problem again and her responses are generally along the lines of "well, it's not my fault my stomach/eye/big toe hurts!" The new school will not tolerate her going in to complain constantly and I also feel she uses it as an "out" to miss something going on in class. Often times, she would tell me she missed something done in class because she was in the office. Any ideas of how I can successfully put a stop to it?

[JBaxter]

Well I just got a call yesterday ( day 6 of school year) because DS3 ( 11 6th grade) ear itched He had a mosquito bite. I explained to the nurse he was a hypochondriac and would probably have west nile or dengue fever as soon has he got home and googled mosquito bits. I asked her that if he was not puking on his shoes, bleeding or running a fever to send him back to class asap. She thanked me said she applied calamine lotion and gave him ice and did just that. I asked her to limit his visits to less than 5 minutes. She said that wouldn't be a problem. She would give me a call to keep me filled in. I also told him he had 5 minute max visits unless he was puking had a fever over 100 or was bleeding or broken.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd enlist the nurse's help. I'm sure your dd isn't the only one.

[Simon]

I would also consider talking with her about how our feelings (emotions) can appear in our body like nausea, tummy/headaches, etc. We did this with my son and after talking through it he was able to distinguish between times when he was medically sick or when it hurt because he was feeling scared, nervous, etc. It sounds like your Dd would benefit from learning to tell the two and perhaps having the option of checking in with the school counselor (psychologist, social worker, a trusted adult) to talk vs. going to the nurse. IMO, if there is something specific at school that is causing this to be a regular problem it would be good to know what that was and get it taken care of. You can stop her from going to the school nurse unless she is truly ill, but that doesn't get to the root of the issue.

[rachelh]

I would also consider talking with her about how our feelings (emotions) can appear in our body like nausea, tummy/headaches, etc. We did this with my son and after talking through it he was able to distinguish between times when he was medically sick or when it hurt because he was feeling scared, nervous, etc. It sounds like your Dd would benefit from learning to tell the two and perhaps having the option of checking in with the school counselor (psychologist, social worker, a trusted adult) to talk vs. going to the nurse. IMO, if there is something specific at school that is causing this to be a regular problem it would be good to know what that was and get it taken care of. You can stop her from going to the school nurse unless she is truly ill, but that doesn't get to the root of the issue.

There are no other issues aside from her having to work hard to stay on track. I see it as her needing an "out" when she starts to find something difficult. We have discussed this, her teachers have discussed it with her etc. to no avail.

[MaiseyDog]

I would talk to the school nurse about it. This is not an unusual problem and one the nurse probably deals with on a daily basis and can tell you how they handle things like this.

At out school the nurse doesn't call unless their is fever, blood, or vomiting/diarrhea, but she is really good about giving a pep talk and sending them on their way. She is also in close communication with the school counselor for those that she feels are coming to see her often for "mystery" illness and hurts. The counselor can sit down and talk about the feelings side of things. This seems to me like a problem that needs can be handled better at the school when things are actually happening.

[BunnyBee]

Do you think this could be an anxiety response?

[bisous]

Honestly, this isounds kind of harsh but I'd be inclined to offer a consequence if she ended up in the nurse's office.I would introduce a new rule that if she had to spend time in the nurse's office then she might be "too sick" to participate in some other activity that she enjoys. Like "ooh, too sick to stay in class, probably too sick to have iPad time! Sorry I hope you feel better soon! You can have iPad time tomorrow if you are feeling well enough for school." It sounds mean and if it is rooted in real anxiety or illness it won't help. For my DS it was like magic. He was all of a sudden NEVER SICK ANYMORE. Unless he really truly felt awful and then it was worth it.

[rachelh]

Do you think this could be an anxiety response?

I am not sure if it is anxiety or more procrastination or an excuse to not do something that is difficult for her.

[ahisma]

My neighbors kiddos do this. I've been in the office when they come in and the receptionist (acting nurse) pretty much sends them right back. Another mom was mortified that the nurse dismissed their complaints (this time is was a broken leg...but no limp!), but knowing the history I totally get it. She said that she wasn't calling their mom unless they had a fever or were vomiting, and she was sure that they could get a cast after school, LOL.

ETA: Her leg was clearly NOT broken or even bruised. I'm positive the receptionist would have handled it differently if an injury was apparent.