Do your parents and ILs have a plan for their eldercare?

[gatorsmom]

I think it's such an important conversation to have and yet most people avoid it. So I thought I'd get a thread going.

Have you talked to your parents? ILs? Do you or your SO (or siblings) have power of attorney? Do your parents have a will? Have your parents completed a "do not resuscitate?"

[ArizonaGirl]

My parents have thought way ahead on this and have a will, trust, power of atty, etc.

They also have Long Term Care Insurance and are financially fine.

IL on the other hand live paycheck to paycheck and do not have a will, power of atty, or really anything. They make very poor living, health choices, and both are on state provided insurance so they are a bit of a disaster.

My parents are 65 and 70.

IL are early 50's.

[niccig]

ILs are all set - MIL worked as a nurse administrator in nursing homes. They've had everything planned for years.

My parents weren't as prepared, but they've started to do things since my father had diagnosis of congestive heart failure and now he has Parkinson's. They've done their will, power of attorney and all of that paperwork. Financially they should be fine and they live in a country with universal healthcare, so no concerns with health insurance. They're starting to talk to us now about things, but only when I ask questions.

I don't see us needing to help either set of grandparents out financially. The main issue is going to be distance as we don't live close to them. SIL lives near the ILs, so she can help. None of my siblings leave near my parents, but my aunt lives nearby and my parents are late 60's, so still young.

[mmommy]

My parents have thought way ahead on this and have a will, trust, power of atty, etc.

They also have Long Term Care Insurance and are financially fine.

IL on the other hand live paycheck to paycheck and do not have a will, power of atty, or really anything. They make very poor living, health choices, and both are on state provided insurance so they are a bit of a disaster.

My parents are 65 and 70.

IL are early 50's.

This is exactly us, except my folks are both 70 and ILs are mid-50s. We live far from ILs and we have our own expenses, I don't know that we'll be able to do much to help them. DH's siblings are local to ILs but in even worse shape (addiction) so I'm really unsure what will happen to ILs. MIL is in very poor health already. I'm so frustrated with their consistent bad choices that I'm not sure I'd be able to help them out without becoming too resentful for it to actually be helpful. I'm trying to work on myself about that.

[specialp]

Both of our parents have taken care of their parents through moving in, eventual nursing home in the final weeks, and death and the tough financial and medical decisions that come up with that. I know my side has everything taken care of, we've been over the paperwork, LTC ins., and had discussions on scenarios, etc. It was an easy discussion for us because we witnessed the bad of not doing it. I do not know about ILs, but I seriously doubt it. They are smart people who have BTDT, but they procrastinate. They are in good health now.

[lizzywednesday]

My mother is more inclined than my father to do this kind of planning, but my stepfather is not. (In fact, after their over 20 years together and 16 years of marriage, he's still resistant to even do a quickie will, and this is AFTER seeing his children tear themselves apart over their mother's estate. She died, suddenly, shortly before his youngest son got married, and she was intestate. The disposal and management of the estate was so contentious among the children AND their father that two of them no longer speak to each other ... and one is currently not speaking to my stepfather.)

My father reminds me that he's got nothing to his name so he doesn't need a will. He's disinclined to consider the healthcare stuff as well, despite going through heck with Nana over her end-of-life care. I suspect that he expects my siblings and I to take care of everything when the time comes and I'm not looking forward to it. (Dad is going on 64 and in less than stellar health; Mom is going on 62 and quite fit, though she has arthritis, scoliosis, and has had hip & knee surgery; stepfather is 74 and in generally good health, though he's a cancer survivor with a recently detected recurrence. Dad is also remarried; stepmother is in her 50s.)

[georgiegirl]

MILs plan is that we take care of her. She has little money and isn't a citizen. (Not her fault since she came from a former communist country.)

My mom probably won't live long enough for long term elder care. She has a rare type of blood cancer. Although she's far from rich, she has money saved and has a will set up.

My dad is a huge spender, and he has zero plans. Fortunately he's healthy and his wife is 8 years younger than him.


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[vludmilla]

My IL's are in great shape and they will probably be very healthy for a long time given genetics and their very active and healthy lifestyle.

My mom is a mess health wise (RA, thyroid disease, high blood pressure, morbidly obese) and she isn't active or a healthy eater. I imagine she won't have as long a lifespan as she should as a result. My sister is financially dependent on her and lives with her so that is probably my mom's "care plan". She has some savings and a defined benefit pension so she should be ok financially.

My dad is a major spendthrift. He is almost 67 and still working part-time. He couldn't make it financially if he wasn't able to work. I don't know what will happen if he gets really sick; it worries me sometimes. Like a PP, he has a much younger girlfriend so perhaps that will help.

[abh5e8]

Yes, thankfully they all have a plan. And so far are in excellent health. So no DNR or power of attorney yet.. They are all still working professionals. But I agree with the OP...it's so important for everyone to have a plan and for family to be aware of what the plan is.

[DualvansMommy]

Mum has a will, no power of attorney and not in great health either. She lives in a country with universal healthcare plus some private insurance, she's gonna need that considering her serious health issues. Lives in a paid off house with defined pension plus income from working 4 days in private practice. Despite being the longest living (her parents died in 50's and late 60's respectively) as a 72 senior citizen, I don't foreseen her living beyond the 80's. Main issue is distance factor for LTC if it ever comes up.

Father is 80, fairly healthy with much younger wife. Both are very set with wills, investments, insurance and power of attorneys.

IL's have will, not sure about power of attorney. Doubt it, ok financially with pension and 401K retirement funds, live in a modest paid off town home. MIL have couple health issues at 87, but otherwise fine. FIL is fairly healthy with some hearing loss as 79 years old. We anticipate them live fairly long life from genetics & family history. Not sure what to do about FIL if MIL goes first, as he can cook basic meals for himself, drives daytime but we all live locally so am sure probably check in and such. I don't want FIL to live with us in our home though.


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