DH and meds advice needed

[ray7694]

Last summer I was in a horrible anxiety filled depression. I got help and now take meds on a regular basis. I take the lowest dose and feel fine.

The issue is my dh hates meds and is always making comments about it. If I forget something it's because I am on the meds.

I honestly don't think I can change his opinion and need to know how to cope. I literally can't stand the comments and it is affecting me and our marriage.

[Cam&Clay]

Last summer I was in a horrible anxiety filled depression. I got help and now take meds on a regular basis. I take the lowest dose and feel fine.

The issue is my dh hates meds and is always making comments about it. If I forget something it's because I am on the meds.

I honestly don't think I can change his opinion and need to know how to cope. I literally can't stand the comments and it is affecting me and our marriage.

Does he hate meds for everything or just for mental health? I mean, if you had a heart condition, would he make comments about that medication? Because actually it's the same thing, you know.

I am not sure other than having him speak with your doctor, but I'd be very, very upset with him. That's hitting below the belt in my opinion.

[BunnyBee]

If he knows he's being disrespectful and hurtful and continues, that's marriage therapy time. If you're seeing someone for anxiety, get some help verbalizing your feelings and setting boundaries.

[ray7694]

He hates meds all together. I tell him it hurts me and he just shrugs it off and says he doesn't mean it.

[DietCokeLover]

Ask him which wife he prefers. The one who was anxiety filled and sad, or the one who can now function normally? Ask which one is able to be a better mother. Sometimes reminding people where you were is very powerful. People tend to have short memories.

[123LuckyMom]

I agree with Cam & Clay. This medication is no different than a medication you would take for any medical condition like thyroid or high blood pressure. It's also a life saving medication, like blood thinners to prevent a stroke. Anxiety and depression gone untreated are life threatening conditions. Many people die from these conditions every day, and some those people take others with them.

I'd sit down and have a serious talk with your DH. Let him know he has a right to hold opinions on the use of medications, but he does not have a right to share them with you. You don't want to know that he would prefer you suffer or put your life at risk than take medication. That does not make you feel loved. Of course, ideally, he would be grateful that the medication has made you feel so much better, but if he's incapable of seeing the medication as a blessing the way you do, you'll settle for his just keeping his negative opinions to himself. What you will not stand for is his making comments that aim to make you feel there's anything at all wrong with taking a medication that alleviates your medical condition. Old age will come, and there are going to be medications in both your futures. Some will have side effects, but those side effects may be better than the alternative. You don't want ever to be put into the position of believing that treating your health problems will cost you your support system or your self-esteem. The old saying still holds true, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."


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[wellyes]

I don't think it's really about the meds. It's his comfort level with using scorn as a weapon that concerns me. He is upset about the meds AND he regularly voices it in a demeaming day. I don't see it differently than - if you gained 10 pounds and he snarked at you every time you picked up a fork. I would just say, firmly, we are partners and I need you to speak with me respectfully. If that's not an option, we have a very big problem.

[MSWR0319]

He's still not being supportive? I remember all of your posts from last year, as I had just started anxiety meds right before you and we were going through the "increased anxiety" stage at the same time. He wasn't too into it then either was he? My DH is not into taking meds either (and I"m not either but when you need them you need them) and honestly he could use some ADHD meds. I don't know that DH loves the fact that I take them, but he never says a word to me about them. I think others have had good suggestions. Your DH needs to be supportive and at the very least stop talking about it. If he doesn't like it, too bad. Just keep it to himself! Have you talked to a therapist with how to deal with them? I couldn't take having to listen to that daily. It sounds horrible. I just want you to know that I'm glad you finally found relief and feel better. You deserve it!

[mackmama]

I'm very sorry. Good for you for taking care of yourself and doing what is needed to make yourself feel better. You deserve to be spoken to with respect regardless of his personal opinions about meds (which he should keep to himself). It sounds like he is judging you for needing this med and putting you in a one-up/own-down position. I really don't like hearing that your anxiety and meds have become the scapegoat for things that everyone does (like forgetting something). That's incredibly disrespectful. As others have pointed out, would he make a derogatory comment and put you down about a heart medication if a beta blocker made you dizzy when you stood up? What I am hearing is that he is implying that there is something wrong with *you* for needing a med, and I honestly wonder if that would carry over to whatever med it might be (heart, mental health, liver, etc). That kind of disrespectful behavior will eat away at the foundation of your marriage, and I think couples therapy is in order.

[dogmom]

Wow, well that would be a big line in sand for me. Great sympathy for you, but I'm not sure if my advice would help. I'm in the "Stop talking about it or I will divorce you" camp. Seriously, that's his issue. What happens if one of your kids need a medication like this? Will he bar you from giving it to them? Why would he want to see you suffer.

I guess a less extreme suggestion would be couples therapy. Sometime hearing it from someone else, a doctor or therapist might help.