What to do about reluctant potty training?

[TxCat]

DD2 will be 3 in 2 weeks. She is starting nursery school 2 days a week end of August and has to be potty trained to start school. We have talked about this for months and said that today is the day (we are going to do 3-day potty training). Now she is adamantly refusing, asking not to do it and begging to keep wearing her diaper. We've promised M&Ms as rewards, and "fun" drinks all day like lemonade and Popsicles. Still doesn't want to. I don't want to force her since I know that could backfire, but I'm running out of time to get this done before school. Advice??

[egoldber]

My younger DD was super reluctant and very strong willed. She was almost 4...

But what ultimately worked was bribes/rewards. Lots of them.

We went to the dollar store and picked out a lot of little prizes. She picked them out. She got one of those each time she used the potty.

We went to Target and picked some bigger prizes in the $5 range. She got one of those for each day she went all day.

For 3 days in a row, she had a bigger prize.

For a whole week, she got the biggest prize that she picked (an AG Bitty Baby). And then no more diapers/pull-ups after that.

You may need to increase the level of incentive to make it worth it to her.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Nothing worked for ds1 until he was ready. It was an all out power struggle. And why I don't consider preschools that have a potty training cut off age!
We did cold turkey with ds2 and it took 6 days for him to get it. Before that, he just didn't care either way. Then it's like a light build went off and he didn't look back.



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[gatorsmom]

Hmm, well there are different things you could try and tactics to take depending on why she won't go. Is she really busy and just doesn't want to stop playing? My boys hated stopping playing to go potty. Diapers allowed them to go while they were playing and they loved that! Is she afraid of the pain of going #2? Or does she not want to go #1 either? Is the bathroom cold? Is she sensitive to the sound of the toilet flushing? And what are the things she loves? Does she love cookies? Watching Dora or some other TV show? Has as she tried potty training before and is now afraid of it? Will she sit on the toilet at all or refuses to go in the room?

If she is terrified of the room or the noise of flushing, I'd lure her in there with an iPad playing her favorite show and a bag of her favorite treats for simply sitting in her clothes in the top of the closed potty. That's the first step. This might not be necessary for you. Maybe your dd isn't frightened like my last kid was so she might be willing to sit bare butt on the potty with the iPad eating treats. That's the goal. Just sitting there right after meals. If you think the iPad will be enough of a lure, save the treats for when she puts pee or poop in the potty. But sitting bare butt after meals (during which you get her to drink a lot of liquid), is the goal. Let her relax in there with the iPad and no pressure to do anything else and it will come out. Then you can do a happy dance and give her treats. Pretty soon she'll be looking forward to her routine. Make sure she is comfortable with a step-stool under her feet. I used to put another step stool next to mine with a glass of water. Mine didn't like to be in the room when I flushed (some of my kids still won't flush). At some point they will have to flush for themselves but I wouldn't push it now. Hth

[JBaxter]

Nothing worked for ds1 until he was ready. It was an all out power struggle. And why I don't consider preschools that have a potty training cut off age!
We did cold turkey with ds2 and it took 6 days for him to get it. Before that, he just didn't care either way. Then it's like a light build went off and he didn't look back.



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Because Preschools are under a different licensing that daycares Preschools don't change diapers. Potty trained is required in all the stand alone preschools my boys attended at 3. Even the Montessori preschool to move to the primary class you had to be diaper free. Its doable or they wouldn't exist. OP you may have to go cold turkey / diaper free I found naked worked better for us. I had 3 potty chairs and didn't really leave the house much for about a week. Pull ups at night but naked during the day for several days then loose shorts no undies for a long time. I've only potty trained boys but we picked a week and did it Mine were all 2 to 2 1/2 but took longer for night time.

[georgiegirl]

I'm sorry you are in that situation. I always recommend against potty training a reluctant toddler, but I understand the urgency. Ds2 also starts preschool at the end of August (and being potty trained is required), but he was super easy to potty train.

Can you have her run around naked all weekend? Try to find out what she really, really wants.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

Because Preschools are under a different licensing that daycares Preschools don't change diapers. Potty trained is required in all the stand alone preschools my boys attended at 3. Even the Montessori preschool to move to the primary class you had to be diaper free. Its doable or they wouldn't exist. OP you may have to go cold turkey / diaper free I found naked worked better for us. I had 3 potty chairs and didn't really leave the house much for about a week. Pull ups at night but naked during the day for several days then loose shorts no undies for a long time. I've only potty trained boys but we picked a week and did it Mine were all 2 to 2 1/2 but took longer for night time.

They sure do change diapers in our state. We've only gone to preschools not combo daycare/ preschool. It's doable but I see no reason to force it when we are obviously lucky enough not to have to.


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[SummerBaby]

I agree with PP who said don't force it. I had the same issue with DD1- she needed to be PT by September for preschool. I tried everything. For naked potty training, which I tried in June of that year,she held it for 10 hours until she burst into tears in pain. She would cry just looking at the potty. It just doesn't work for all kids. I promised her the moon. Nothing worked. Believe me. Finally, after I delayed her preschool start,mid-September, she told me she wanted to use the potty. She had one accident that day, and never wore a diaper or pull up again. I firmly believe that for some kids, you can't fight it and they have to want to do it. She was 3 years and 2 months.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I agree with PP who said don't force it. I had the same issue with DD1- she needed to be PT by September for preschool. I tried everything. For naked potty training, which I tried in June of that year,she held it for 10 hours until she burst into tears in pain. She would cry just looking at the potty. It just doesn't work for all kids. I promised her the moon. Nothing worked. Believe me. Finally, after I delayed her preschool start,mid-September, she told me she wanted to use the potty. She had one accident that day, and never wore a diaper or pull up again. I firmly believe that for some kids, you can't fight it and they have to want to do it. She was 3 years and 2 months.

3 days in a row, mine held it for 12 hours then peed all over the floor while cooking dinner. That's when we quit. It just wasn't going to work at that moment in time. A few months later I suggested it again and he went diaper free that day and never looked back.


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[specialp]

Sounds silly and mine were a bit younger, but we made an over-the-top big deal every time anyone, including DH and myself, went to the potty for a few days and then ds wanted that same attention to be part of it. We had a potty dance, a potty song, it was big deal. It was the advice the PT’ing teacher friend at a daycare (not the one we use for preschool but she has a great reputation for PT’ing). My youngest especially can't be bought or bribed (and we didn't even try the m&ms because that failed with ds1), but he relishes being the center of attention so it really worked on getting him interested in wanting to PT.