My husband is a jerk!

[ChicagoNDMom]

So sorry that you and your kiddos are subject to an abusive person. I also would have asked him to leave and meant it, recent surgery or not. To me this is just as bad as physical abuse of a child.

[California]

(Hugs.) I don't know what to say, as that is abusive and being abused is such a slippery slope of entanglement and feeling stuck. Have you ever met with this therapist? You could start by asking if you could do a joint meeting to mutually set some boundaries for DH's behavior. See if you can find your own therapist who specializes in verbal abuse.Then set up some sort of accountability. Don't keep the problem a secret. A relative found that to be the most helpful part in getting her DH to stop being abusive- they had trusted friends checking in with them regularly and DH had to be accountable to them for his actions.

It's loving to stop abuse. It doesn't do him any good, your children, or you to excuse his behavior and let it continue. I'd put his plate in the kitchen and let him know he's welcome at the family table when he can control his tongue.