Kids and Privacy

[Kindra178]

Its not hard if you keep on top of it. I have 2 out of college ( 4 yrs for a BS degree with honors and had jobs waiting on them) They try really try but if you keep on top if it and they know you give them random phone & media checks it keeps them a little more honest. Mine were not angels but were good boys My younger 2 ( middle & elementary) will have to come up with some pretty original stuff to get away with much.

Your stories about your boys make me laugh, laugh laugh!


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[lalasmama]

Live in my house and on my $ and I have access to everything. I know passwords and I have the right to read anything. Do what you are supposed to do and don't give me any reason to feel the need to exercise that right and I probably won't. Give me any reason to feel like I need to check up on you and I absolutely will.


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Overall,

I monitor DD's texts. She's not pleased about it, but she knows it's a requirement to having her phone. Part of the reason is because she tends to be VERY impulsive, and doesn't think actions through. Example: We allowed her to give her cell phone number out to one child, her BFF, at school. And then she's getting text messages from other kids too, and getting other kids' phone numbers. She doesn't realize when kids are bullying her, so I'm a bit protective of her phone number so that bullying texts don't start. And, honestly, I fear she's going to be one of those "He said if I REALLY loved him, I would send him a picture of my boobs, so I did--how did the rest of the football team get the picture?" because of her impulsivity.

She's not on social media, and only has an email for school (not really a "personal email" where she's using it to email others, just a google ID at this point). I know where her journal is, but have never looked in it, because, honestly, I know what it's going to say... "Dear Diary, Mom was mean again because she said no when I asked if I could have candy. I'll get it from a friend at school that I buy my k-cup espresso from. She's got lots of good candy that her mom buys her." Her birthparents will, undoubtedly, attempt to friend her when she's on social media, which means we need to keep a tight reign on things to keep her safe until she is able to keep herself safe.

The decision making area of the brain isn't fully developed until 20-25 years old, so while I need to let her learn some tough social media related lesson, I also need to remember that her brain isn't fully developed in middle school, or even high school, and it's my job as a parent to point out potential issues when she's failing to see them... I mean, she hated her car seat and I forced that. Eventually she learned it was something to keep her safe, and se didn't fight it anymore. She hated her helmet, but I still make her wear it. Eventually she learned to it was easier to put it on the first time than to scrape her face up, or getting grounded from her bike for breaking the helmet law. She'll loathe me on social media when she's a teen, but when she sees what can really happen out there on social media, I pray she'll realize I was monitoring things to keep her safe, just like that blasted car seat or itchy helmet.

[lalasmama]

My younger 2 ( middle & elementary) will have to come up with some pretty original stuff to get away with much.

This made me giggle... Youngest DD has 2 older sisters and a rather sneaky mom, so we've been through the ringer; we've had school skipping, secret boyfriends, sex at school, teenage pregnancy, sneaking out after bedtime, smoking, taking cars without permission, being brought to the police station for shoplifting, and everything in between. There's almost nothing that she can pull that we haven't been through one way or another And boy does she whine about how her sisters got all the fun, and she's never going to get away with anything!

[lalasmama]

Ooops, double post

[icunurse]

Correct. The student has to provide that info to the parent or sign a release giving their parent access. This also includes conduct issues. But a parent can certainly tell their child that a condition of having your tuition paid is showing your grades.
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Thanks, this is what I meant.

[citymama]

I have a 10 yr old with an email account. I monitor it to make sure she isn't getting any random emails. She only communicates with my parents, her cousins and a few friends at this point. If I know the sender, I'm not reading the email. She has a Chromebook and Kindle and I have blocked all websites, purchases, etc on Kindle but haven't figured out privacy on the Chromebook. I occasionally view her browsing history. No phones yet but I would need to figure that out once we get there.

[trales]

I guess I wants my kids to understand early that there is no expectation to privacy when it comes to emails and social media, at home, at work or among peers. You use it on your work computer, they can see it. Work can monitor my work email. I want to teach my kids to be careful what they put into print and send out and assume that anyone can see stuff at anytime. I believe journals are private - but don't have an opinion yet if I would read one or not. I only have a 9 year old.

I work at a college, I see the trouble email and social media gets kids into, so I want to train my kids early that everything they email or put out there can and will be shared and be seen by people don't want to see it.

[Pear]

I think a minor has zero right to Internet privacy from parents. That doesn't mean I will read everything, but I can and do keep tabs on things. This is because the Internet is not really private to begin with.

I might go through a dresser drawer if I felt it was warranted.

A personal journal, I would only open in dire circumstances. Liked the same conditions I would use for violating an adult's private journal.

[Dream]

Live in my house and on my $ and I have access to everything. I know passwords and I have the right to read anything. Do what you are supposed to do and don't give me any reason to feel the need to exercise that right and I probably won't. Give me any reason to feel like I need to check up on you and I absolutely will.


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Totally

[JustMe]

I voted varies depending on the child and circumstances (or whatever the exact statement was). My 13 year old does not have privacy and I don't expect she will have that before age 18. Not sure what will happen after that. I read any on-line info (which I will say more about in a little). I am not sure about journals..she doesn't really use one for privacy issues and I would feel mixed about that. Given the fact that her judgement is not even age-appropriate, if I thought she might be including info in there that would help me keep her safe, I might not give privacy for a journal..if she was just writing thoughts, feelings, or mundane things---I wouldn't read it. My 10 year old is generally more trustworthy. He might make a mistake here or there, but I feel like he learns from his mistake--so he may have privacy a little earlier but I would not guarantee it to him.

So, this brings me to another question which may be another post--but what about kids who show they can't be trusted on social media. My dd falls into this category. She will give out her location to people she doesn't know, get in situations where she is siding with kids who are fighting--basically things she wouldn't do in person. She will develop fake names so its impossible to monitor. She has friends whose devices she can get on--so there is no way for me to block her from doing this. Maybe I don't even want any advice as I know counseling won't help and it just almost seems like I need to let this run its course as there is nothing I can really do about it. I have tried consequences, no consequences but explaining, etc. She does have a developmental disability, but that doesn't change the fact that there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.