Help me word this email

[vonfirmath]

I think you may be out of luck. When I have lended stuff, I've done it under the impression, I'd never get it back. I take very good care of my things, and I don't trust that other people would return it in the same way that I lent it out. I purposely turned down any items that were offered to me, as I didn't want to be responsible to return them. I would never remember which clothes were loaned, and what was a gift, etc. I guess I would just never think that clothes would be returned. Bigger items maybe. However, having to bring them back from a long distance seems ridiculous. You could buy a new rock n play for what it would cost to ship it. My baby used that for 10 months, so she may not even be done with it. I'd tell Jane you have nothing to loan, and just get her a nice baby gift.

Agreed. I would have turned down a loan as well in these circumstances. (Esp of clothes) It is too hard to keep stuff separate. Best would be not to further strain the family relationships trying to ask for stuff back when their baby is still so young.

[mmsmom]

Maybe I missed it, but have either Jane or your brother even asked about borrowing things? It not, this seems to be a lot of handwringing over nothing. I understand they may not be able to afford things as nice as you had, but maybe they don't care? I couldn't afford a lot of high-dollar baby items, either, but DS also wasn't sleeping in a cardboard box. I was happy with what I had or what people gave me.

Buy them a wonderful item off of their registry. If they are really struggling financially, but them several new things, if you can afford it. Yes, Alice seems to have taken advantage of your generosity. But I really agree with what KHM said--at the end of the day, it's used baby gear.

I was thinking this too... do you know if Jane even wants the items? She may not want things for her first baby that have already been through 2 babies.

[bisous]

Agreed. I would have turned down a loan as well in these circumstances. (Esp of clothes) It is too hard to keep stuff separate. Best would be not to further strain the family relationships trying to ask for stuff back when their baby is still so young.

I've always labeled my stuff with a sharpie. I had codes for all the people who were kind enough to loan me stuff. They were gracious and told me not to worry about the odd item here and there that was destroyed but I tried really hard to keep their clothes nice.

[HannaAddict]

I've always labeled my stuff with a sharpie. I had codes for all the people who were kind enough to loan me stuff. They were gracious and told me not to worry about the odd item here and there that was destroyed but I tried really hard to keep their clothes nice.

I've never really heard of anyone wanting anything back. Not how it works around here, hand me downs are on to their new home!


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[TwinFoxes]

I've always labeled my stuff with a sharpie. I had codes for all the people who were kind enough to loan me stuff.

That's very conscientious of you, but that is just not the norm.

[Snow mom]

I've always labeled my stuff with a sharpie. I had codes for all the people who were kind enough to loan me stuff. They were gracious and told me not to worry about the odd item here and there that was destroyed but I tried really hard to keep their clothes nice.

Not baby clothes, but I did borrow and return toddler clothes. That was really clear because I borrowed them between use of two existing children in the household they came from. I also asked about all HMDs whether they needed returned and would have been happy to return anything that the original owner indicated. This is all pretty local though and I'd be less inclined to take a loan that involved a long car ride or shipping. I think those that suggested watching for good condition, reasonably priced used items would be best. The expense of getting the items back plus the potential strained relationship if your SIL is offended by you wanting things back now or you don't get back what you expect (stained, broken, lost, etc.) just isn't worth it for used baby items. I get that they are your used baby items, but unless it's irreplaceable try to let it go. A gently used rock n play will be just as good as your gently used rock n play.

[twotimesblue]

I agree with all the PPs who state that hand-me-downs, unless explicitly stated by the donor, are considered for keeps, or at least until the recipient is done having kids. I lent a TON of stuff to friends after having DS2 as I wasn't sure if we'd have another kiddo and we needed to clear stuff out of the house. When I got pregnant with DC3 it never crossed my mind to ask for the stuff back as I just assumed they were either still using it or had given it to other friends/Goodwill.

Also, consider that as it's your SIL's first baby, she may well want new stuff. With DC3 I am totally happy to buy almost everything used - near-new swings go for $25-30 on my local Craigslist, and as she can't wear many of her brothers' hand-me-downs, many of baby's clothes come from eBay or FB resale groups - but with DS1 I really wanted the box-fresh stuff (and luckily people are more generous with your first child so we were gifted the stroller, changing table etc). The stuff that you want Alice to return would be on its 3rd use by the time Jane got her hands on it, and may not be in great shape. Those 'secret milk' stains are a total PITA to get out - a friend gave me a box of her DD's old clothes when DC3 was born and I was too embarrassed to tell her that most of them were so badly stained as to be totally unwearable (I'm sure they weren't stained before she put them in storage 5 years ago). I would buy Jane a couple of lovely items from her registry and be glad to have all that baby clutter out of your home!