Your vote for funeral attire

[AnnieW625]

I would be fine with either of the top three choices would have worked for me, but I probably would've worn a dress with heels because my mom is just old school like that and old habits die hard. I know people cringe at people who wear casual clothes to a funeral, but I know people who work in service jobs or at refineries who often have to take time from their non 9-5 day job to go to the funeral and don't have time to go home and change so while it isn't something I would do I wouldn't look down on someone who didn't come dressed to a funeral.

ETA: I wore this wrap dress from Boden to my Grandma's funeral in January, 2012. It reminded me of her (she was an avid painter for much of her life) and it wasn't black and that didn't bother me at all.

[american_mama]

Another thought is the unexpected nature of the death.... I wouldn't judge.

The death was unexpected, but the funeral was a week after the death, so there was time to pick clothing. I'm not judging. I thought everyone looked appropriate, if everyday, and as I said, of the three family members there (all women), two were wearing pants and a sweater. I just wondered if *I* looked a little wrong in my outfit, and if heels were way out and I hadn't noticed. And it was funny for me to have assumed that my hometown, something I thought I knew, was one way in terms of funeral fashion, and that I had gotten it wrong.

I do think presence meant more than fashion. I remember going to a funeral a few years ago for a girl who died of cancer. I remember nothing about my clothing choices or anyone else's, but I do remember the huge attendance and how obvious it was that people just wanted to be there because they cared. That is part of all funerals.

[mom2binsd]

I wonder if some came because they were in town for Thanksgiving and that was all they had with them?

I think dress pants/pants that are not jeans or leggings would be totally appropriate, but honestly if someone has taken the time to come to a funeral I try not to judge!

[Pear]

Definitely flats for all the standing and the graveside service. Most of the funerals I have attended have been big traditional catholic affairs with black dresses and the occasional veil among the older attendees. I did attend one that was much more casual. Mostly dark colors, but plenty of people just wearing something nicer than every day attire.

[TwinFoxes]

I think dress pants/pants that are not jeans or leggings would be totally appropriate, but honestly if someone has taken the time to come to a funeral I try not to judge!

Agree. The only time I judged/noticed an outfit at a funeral was when my husband's uncle showed up in shorts. We're Catholic, so it meant he went to mass in shorts. His uncle was around 60 and very well off. He also is completely self-centered and couldn't be bothered to wear pants since he usually wore shorts around his retirement home on the Mexican Riviera. And you know, they don't have stores there. He and his wife were nothing but trouble that whole weekend. (Yes, I'm still annoyed!)

[BunnyBee]

It would depend on the crowd. I have worn anything from black dresses to business attire slacks and top/sweaters. I've been to funerals with people wearing jeans (mostly agricultural or construction workers). Many people simply don't own dressier clothing. I wouldn't buy anything for someone else's funeral (well, I had to in college when my grandfather died and I had nothing but jeans or fun dresses) , and I wouldn't want anyone to buy anything for mine! I wouldn't wear dressy heels because of the graveside issues. And because they're damned uncomfortable.

[ilfaith]

I've worn a navy dress to two of the last three funerals I've attended. The first was a memorial service for the father of a local friend. The second was a graveside service held the day after Thanksgiving last year. We happened to be in south Florida visiting my parents for the holiday, when my husband's college roommate's father passed away. In the jewish tradition, his funeral was the next day, and since we were nearby, we went. I wore a pair of black pants I'd packed and borrowed a dressier blouse from my mom. My husband wore khakis and a polo shirt. When my uncle passed away earlier this year, I wore the same navy dress I'd worn before...I now think of it as my funeral dress.

[baymom]

I haven't read all the replies, but I think that I'd rather ere on the side of being too dressed up for a funeral than being underdressed. But, with that said, really it's just anyone's presence at the funeral that counts the most. To be honest, I don't even remember what others have worn to funerals I've been to.

[123LuckyMom]

I wore a black skirt, dark gray tights, somewhat casual shirt with showy scarf, and heels. It was a long service and eventually I realized that out of about 110 people there, I think I was the only woman wearing heels, and one of only about three wearing a skirt or dress. Almost all the other women, including the mother and one of the sisters, was wearing casual dark gray or black pants and a sweater. Almost all the women were wearing flats or some kind, often kind of clunky flats. The old men wore ties and the 40 something men wore jackets, but usually no tie.

I had deliberately dressed a bit up, because I recalled my hometown churches as being a bit more formal and old-school. And since I was coming from out-of-state, I had to pack and commit to my outfit in advance, and not vary it depending on weather or what was clean or anything that might making dressing down more likely.

I was just surprised at the everyday-ness of the outfits people wore. I know churches have gotten more casual, but I thought funerals would retain more formality.

This wouldn't surprise me. At the past several funerals I've attended I wore dress pants, flats, and a blouse (or dressy sweater). That's the level of dress I usually wear on Sundays to my Episcopal church as well. My husband, though, would wear a suit to a funeral but a more casual outfit to church. At those funerals I attended there was also a graveside service, and I wouldn't want to have to walk and stand on grass graveside in heels. I never wear heels to church anymore unless I'm dressing up for Christmas or Easter. The formality level in most of the Episcopal churches I've been in in the Northeast has definitely become less formal, especially among regular churchgoers. When I was in seminary we used to joke about St. Minks and All Stoles, but even the older members of the congregation dress down now. My personal threshold is denim. I don't wear jeans, but otherwise, I don't worry too much about dressing up. I definitely take care a bit of care for a funeral to look respectable if not dressy. I wouldn't think your outfit would have looked out of place, though. You were dressed appropriately. It's just that I think they were, too.


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