Husband wants a dog; I do not

[StantonHyde]

Nope, nopity nope. I loooooove dogs. Have had one for the last 19 years and grew up with them. They are a lot of work. Do NOTTTTTT get a puppy. My family raised bird dogs-English Setters. There is no way in anything I will raise another puppy. And, for the love of all that is good and holy, do not pay a bunch for a dog when you get a really nice dog through a breed rescue. (my Golden was a breed rescue. The spaniel we have now was given to us by a family moving out of the country). So--no puppy, no spending lots of money.

I would require that your husband give you a plan, in writing, of how he will help with the dog--walk it every weekend when he is home, pick up slack somewhere else etc. Does he not see how overwhelmed you are?? Lots of men don't. As for his depression--if he isn't hanging out with the dog--eg. traveling, then it doesn't help. He needs to take meds or meditate or increase his exercise or whatever. Something has to give for you. You cannot take on more right now.

Dog sitting is a great idea.

[hillview]

Stand your ground. Everyone has to be on board. Our 9 month old puppy still gets us up at 545 am.

[elbenn]

The dog sitting is a GREAT idea. I don't think you should get a dog unless you want it, however in the event that you ever do get a dog, I wanted to point out a couple things. If your DH suffers from anxiety, a dog might help, but he should talk to groups that train therapy dogs to make sure he gets a breed that would be a good match. Has he done that or has he just chosen a dog that he thinks he'll like? Research would be important for this. I know 3 people that have a cavachon (not a cavapoo) and all three of the dogs have issues and are higher maintenance than a lot of dogs.

An adult dog (especially a trained therapy dog) would definitely be easier than a puppy. Puppies are a lot of work, but some are probably more work than others. My dog was 8 weeks old when I got him and after the first night, he slept through the night. He was pretty easy to potty train and he's been a wonderful dog. Dogs are expensive and you are wise to think about the costs because they definitely add up. Especially all the vet visits for a new puppy.

[lizzywednesday]

I asked if there were any way at all that I could get on board with having a dog last year.

Due to a small talk that DD and DH had last week, I just posted in the BP.

I don't hate dogs, or most animals really, but I do NOT want a dog (or any kind of pet, to be honest.) DH and DD do. Desperately.

I can't do it. Dogs are fine ... for other people. I truly canNOT do it.

I don't care how he's trying to sell the dog to you, OP, but 1000 times no and stand your ground.

[mmsmom]

While I truly believe a dog can be good for someone's physical and mental health I do not think you should get one at this point at least. My main concern would be adding to your debt... Cavapoos are expensive to start with and the vet bills especially if there is some kind of emergency can be a lot. If you are ever on board with a dog then I would suggest adopting a dog. Puppies are a lot of work and expensive. You will get the same physical and mental benefits from a dog. The caveat being as long as your kids are out of the toddler stage. I wouldn't bring a dog with an unknown history into the house with young kids.

Pet sitting is a great option and you could also look at becoming a provider on Rover.com and get paid for pet sitting. I have been using Rover for years to find sitters for our dog when we travel.

[DualvansMommy]

I'm a huge dog lover, always have had a dog with me from birth till I went away to college. It wasn't until I met my husband as boyfriend, fiancée that we adopted two rescue Boxers 12 years ago. DH isn't really on board with ton of responsibility a puppy required, and I had a long commute each way for work that I agreed an older dog made sense for us.

Even fully housebroken, trained as a 3 and 5 year old dogs, they were a lot of work and expensive!!!! So I agree with others do not buy a expensive pure bred puppy on top of current debt. Our 2 rescues cost 350 each and it came with shots, worms, and flea meds, and rabies certificate.

My neighbor foster 2 dogs in addition of their own 1 dog, so that's 3 in their house. But she's a stay at home mom with 3 kids in middle and HSc and even then it's still a lot of work for her. So I love the idea of dog sitting to eventually fostering a dog perhaps?

Having a dog to help with depression doesn't really help. 1) he'll be out of town fairly often for work. 2) and it may not end up as the therapy he thinks it'll be for him, cuz you'll be more stressed out. A more stressed out wife isn't helpful to a depressed husband.


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[LBW]

In addition to dog sitting, you could also offer to foster for a local rescue group to try out dog ownership. Fostering is a short-term commitment and it would let you test out life with a puppy or older dog.

I have two dogs, four cats, and have fostered puppies and large-breed dogs on and off for the past 5 or so years. I LOVE my pets and cannot imagine life without a dog or two. But I also agree that you should NOT get a dog unless you are 100% on board and financially ready for it.

[mackmama]

Do.not.get.a.dog.

It's a lot of work, and a dog should not be adopted (which should be forever) unless all family members are 100% on board. Not fair to you - and not fair to the dog. Don't do it.

[ChicagoNDMom]

Agree with the chorus. We got a Labrador this past summer. He is AWESOME, but tons of work/logistics and $$$. To help you with your DH show him the following: cost of dog: $1500 (designer dog like "Cavapoo" would be as much or more) Vaccines + neutering + emergency visit when he ate a huge box of Christmas chocolates=$1200. Food + treats are $30/month. Dog park permit $75/year. Poop bags, collars, leashes, toys=$200. Dog walker (we both WOH, so this may or may not be same for you) $20/walk.

Finally, very few dogs have the personality to be therapy dogs (to help your husband). Would be a total roll of dice. Interestingly, my DH wanted dog more than me and dog loves me > DH and really doesn't hang out with DH. You cannot get a random puppy hoping it has therapeutic skills (or that it will bond with all family members).

[dogmom]

I suspect the problem really is not about the dog. My guess the problem is both you and your husband don't feel supported by each other. You need to work on those issues first.