Anyone Chosen Different Schooling Options for Different Kids?

[trcy]

I am going to be be in a somewhat similar situation, so I will be following this thread. My situation is a little different from the OPs, so I will be asking for advice on this in about a year.


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[Kestrel]

No BTDT, but my DS' teacher has this quote on her classroom door, and I love it:

"Being fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same things. Being fair means that every child gets what they need to succeed."

It sounds to me like your children have different needs. If you can get each child what fits them best, go for it. Think seriously about the logistics and cost, but if you can do it, do it!

[StantonHyde]

I have done this since day one. Started with DS going to school and DD still in day care. DS goes to a school that is perfect for him-small classes, very structured, support for his dyslexia. DD needs accelerated academics (not gifted and talented, just accelerated) plus she has a strong arts aptitude--music, drawing, painting etc. So she is at another school. They are both in the best school for them. Neither school is perfect but they are great fits for each kid.

The drawbacks:
1. volunteer hours: each school requires 25 hours a year, so that means I get to do 50 hours. Fortunately, they will take donations in lie of time so I volunteer some and then DH and I donate a pricy item for each school's fundraiser.
2. Different schedules. They do have Spring and fall break the same, thank goodness. But there are different teacher days off and winter break varies by a few days.
3. Different systems/expectations--I have to get on 2 systems to check grades. The kids never repeat teachers so it always something new with each year.
4. Having to explain to each school why the other kid isn't there.
5. Having fewer mom social opportunities because I have only group/class to connect with at each school.

Their current schools are both K-8 so that is good and they have different start and ending times so I drop off DS at 8, then DD at 8:30. I can do the loop and get to work by 8:30 so that is good. They will then go to different high schools. DS will need small and structured. DD will burn her uniform and run off to the large public school with a great IB program. But then she can take the bus to school and I think I can get DS to school on a public bus or drop him off on my way to work.

So it is doable.

[KpbS]

Yes, my DC have different school settings due to different needs. It is slightly awkward at times to explain to people why they aren't all doing the same thing at one school, but that's ok. Most people are tactful about their comments/questions. I've been thinking lately about how you've got to raise the child you are given. It really is so true.

[jenmcadams]

We've done this for most of the kids' schooling:

DD (Currently HS Freshman) - She went to our neighborhood elementary which we loved; tested GT in 2nd grade, but we kept her at our home school because there was an unusually high % of GT kids in her grade and she had plenty of academic peers. Our elementary school went through 6th grade, but we weren't excited about our public middle school options, so in 5th grade we applied for a 6th grade spots at two high selective (think <10% acceptance rate) private independent schools. She was accepted to both and spent 6-8th grade there. In the spring of 7th grade, my DH passes away unexpectedly and we started looking at other options for HS early in 8th grade (mostly to have options). The school came through with some financial aid and we were able to keep her there for 8th grade and she probably could have stayed for HS, but she fell in love with a few programs and coaches at our local public high school and started there this Fall

DS (currently in 6th grade) - He did K at our local public school, but was a super advanced reader heading into K. We thought he was bright, but figured it was mostly that he was a younger sibling. He spent an hour a day doing special projects with the school librarian and an hour a day in a 2nd grade classroom for language arts and really had an odd K experience. The school asked us to have him tested in K (rather than waiting for the standard GT testing in 2nd). He ended up testing 99%+ across all categories and we moved him for 1st grade to a GT Center school. He was there from 1st-5th grade. I really hesitated about whether or not to send him to the private school where my DD had gone because of finances, but decided to apply for 6th grade. It was awkward because we had to tell the school my DD wasn't coming back for HS before the application deadline for middle school. They were understanding about it, but because of the selectivity and the demand for seats, he officially lost his sibling status and we kept our fingers crossed that he would be one of the 10-12 kids offered a spot (out of over 250). He did end up getting in and I'm glad he's there. He knows we may not be able to afford for him to stay through HS (pretty sure the small amount of financial aid I get will be gone for 7th and 8th), but I've decided it's worth the large investment for the experience and education he's getting. Middle school is so tough and this school does such a great job both academically and on the social/emotional front.

The difficult things about this situation have mostly already been mentioned.

• Vacations: We were lucky for the first few years that my DD's break schedule was pretty close to DS's, but this year they have different Spring Breaks and only a portion of Winter Break overlaps. The private school starts 2 weeks later and ends 2 weeks later.
• Communities: It's hard to be fully integrated in both communities - socially and volunteer wise
• General Coordination: While it's difficult to coordinate when you've got kids at two schools within the same district, it's even tough to coordinate everything else across different school systems. This extends beyond break schedules to understanding pathways, how things work, etc.
• Logistics - Driving is a pain. DS takes a bus to private school in AM and I pick up in afternoon. Luckily DD is so busy with 3 sports, musical, etc. that she rarely needs to get picked up right after school and wehave a decent network of friends who carpool, but as a single mom, this has been a little crazy

Choosing to send my DS to the private school for middle school was a little bit about making it fair and giving him the same opportunities as his sister, but it was mostly about finding the right fit for him at that time. If he had stayed in public school, we were facing a possible grade skip from 5th to 7th which I didn't want to do. It was mostly because the school didn't want to coordinate his math needs with a middle school. As a younger summer boy, who despite testing high on standardized tests, struggles with the process of writing, I knew he wasn't ready for 7th grade. At the private school, they could accommodate his math needs easily and could challenge him appropriately elsewhere. We've always talked to both kids about the fact that as parents, we're just trying to find out what fits best for each kid and sometimes that could be different.

Financial circumstances change, kids are different - I think you can only do the best you can at any given time and sometimes that means one kid will get something different or better.

[vonfirmath]

No BTDT, but my DS' teacher has this quote on her classroom door, and I love it:

"Being fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same things. Being fair means that every child gets what they need to succeed."

It sounds to me like your children have different needs. If you can get each child what fits them best, go for it. Think seriously about the logistics and cost, but if you can do it, do it!

This is pretty much how my parents raised us. I know my sister has an IL who tried to be "fair" by getting her and her SIL the same thing every year -- the same clothes, the same decorative objects, etc. She didn't feel treated "fairly" at all.