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  1. #31
    essnce629's Avatar
    essnce629 is online now Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by mom2binsd View Post
    I think you also have to look at the bigger picture. My kids are 14 and 11 and they spend the majority of their time with their friends, not their grandparents who are in their 70's or uncle who is single and 55. For me, my social life is also friends, NOT family. My xhusband is from here, but I made friends on my own. Most of my friends, who are in their late 30's to almost 50 also spend the majority of their socializing with friends not their local family. Yes, they see them, but who you really rely on is your friend set not your aging parents. If you mom needed to move out of her house, maybe you could move her closer if you needed to some type of assisted living home.

    It won't be long before your kids will not need as much of the childcare that you are depending on right now.

    I'm not sure where you are looking to move, but it sounds like it could be a much better place for your kids to grow up.
    I guess it depends on the age of your kids and the grandparents. My kids are 14 and 8 and my mom is 61. She's in great health, works full time, and loves being active with her grandkids (more so than me). When she visits she attends all the soccer and basketball games and school events, plays board games, swims in the pool, etc. DS1 is 14 and still loves his week with grandma every summer. They come up with a whole itinerary that includes Legoland, the beach, science museum, pool, movies, arcade, etc. If she lived nearby we'd for sure spend bare minimum every weekend with her. She's also way more helpful around the house than DH. She eagerly helps me make dinner, do laundry, and deep clean! Probably why my DH loves when she's here too!

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    Last edited by essnce629; 09-22-2017 at 12:29 AM.
    Latia (Birth & Postpartum Doula and Infant Nanny)
    Conner 8/19/03 (My 1st home birthed water baby!)
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  2. #32
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    This post resonates with me because we JUST moved about 5 hours and a few states in part, to be closer to family. So my experience is a little different than yours (because you would move away from family), but the moving part is the same.

    Caveat to this post: Since we only moved a month ago and are truly not settled in (are living temporarily with my parents in new area in fact and don't yet have a home), my views are affected by that!

    The positives are that I really DO see how helpful having family is, especially my parents, and how much my kids have grown more attached to them since the month we have been here. It's sweet. And my parents can calm one kid who might be cranky while I give attention to another or visa versa. I can be more patient and calm because I have back up. All these things are huge.

    And for me, it's cheaper here and just easier by a thousand percent in almost every way.

    I will be honest, though - I am not sure I made the right decision to move. Moving is *hard*, especially with kids. Our whole lives are upended right now, and I don't have any of my processes set up and am dropping (important) balls left and right. My kids and I are stressed out. And moving into a totally new community with a 5 and 9 year old as a single older mom is tough. I had many friends in my old home and we were happy and settled. Life wasn't perfect, but we were content.

    I just don't get that I'm going to make friends here. I hope I'm wrong. Maybe I'll start a post asking for support in how to reach out. It's just a much more closed off community than my old home's city.

    All I'm saying is... if there are enough things you like about your area (family, schools, friends) then hold onto that tight and count your blessings. Really. I really didn't know how happy I was in my old home until I moved. Yes, there are positives with this move, but I miss my friends greatly and feel like I cut off something that gave my life meaning. There is not a day that goes by where I don't have this weird feeling like I was plucked out of a perfectly good life and excised and in a totally different one and I miss my old one with a heart ache.

    And my kids, while very happy here, are very stressed out by the transition, which feels unending at this point.

    Again, this is a moment in time and we just landed here a month ago, so I realize that that taints my views!
    Last edited by magnoliaparadise; 09-25-2017 at 02:36 PM.

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