Your thoughts. School club

[SnuggleBuggles]

YMCA runs a boy version called Stride. I'm not sure it's every where yet, but we've had it for 4 or 5 years now.

I did find some options a few years ago but never really pursued it because 1. They'd need parent volunteers to step up and I couldn't find enough; 2. Turns out my kids hate to run. Girls on the Run always seemed extra special because of the self care component. It seemed like a good resource and support system for girls, in addition to the exercise piece. Of course, I also think Girl Scouts is far better than out Cub Scout experience. I'm glad girls get good stuff.
I know there's a long history and inequality to make up for but I've actually struggled more finding programs for my boys as they've gotten older. Many cool camps at our science center, for example, are for girls only.
I don't really feel passionate about it. More that I let out a little sigh when I read about a great program and find out it's just for girls. If I really felt strongly, I'd be the change I want to see.


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[robinsmommy]

I would take this as an opening to talk about historical and contemporary discrimination, including how women, minorities, etc. still face subtle (perhaps due to implicit bias) and not so subtle discrimination. He's sure to run into other examples of an underrepresented group having an exclusive club/group/school/organization while the better represented group can't or doesn't have the same. His position as a white male will always be an asset to him, so I think it's important he understand not everyone has the same. A girls sport club isn't discriminating against him--it's allowing a group that is still largely underfunded/under appreciated in sports to develop a passion for sports in a safe environment.

I agree with this, strongly.

I'm also not quite clear - so he is just complaining that it is unfair, not that he wants that club for boys to be in? Oftentimes, the person who complains that they don't have "x" and it isn't fair, is the one who gets voluntold to organize it. Happens a lot in PTO groups. I think you might consider how the administration is going to view DS (and potentially yourself) given the nature of the complaint, if it is indeed "I don't want it, but it isn't fair." If he indeed wants to be in such a group, then he should take it up with the administration, find other boys who do too, and find a teacher to lead the group.

I guess it will be a teachable moment, no matter the outcome, but I think this may backfire on him.

[ahisma]

I get it. Your DS sounds a lot like my DS, who has not only self-reported himself, but also reported the adult playground safeties for looking at their phones instead of the children on the sledding hill. He also reported ME to his pediatrician for signing the HIPAA consent form without reading it closely enough (to make matters worse, that's the area of law that I practice - sometimes connected to that health system.)

Personally, I'd use it as an opportunity to explain that fair doesn't always mean equal. Title IX, affirmative action...they're needed to remedy systemic injustices that have created disparities. I'd also discuss the gender pay gap, probably.

It's a constant battle here. He saw the middle school principal sitting on a bench during school hours and asked if that was a good use of his parents' tax dollars. DH is a school teacher. I work for community non-profits. That's not how we roll (not that he needs to mirror our views).

ETA: My DS tends to view things as a mathematical equation, and life is not generally quite that neat. We work a lot to teach him to see shades of grey, sometimes with more success than others.

[Kindra178]

I guess I think it's kind of outrageous. I'm surprised the parents of the sporty boys have not yet complained? I wonder if there are no complaints due to the fact that there are plenty of lunchtime sports clubs for everyone to participate in.

And I totally agree with you - school is set up for girls to succeed. It's probably always been like that and it's probably worse now. Look at college gender ratios - Unc chapel hill numbers are terrible for boys, for example. I do think it's possible that boys will catch up but probably not like in the past. And being a white male hurts these days.


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[ahisma]

It doesn't violate Title IX. Having a girls club addresses that girls as a class (not anecdotally that you were, or know a sporty, athletic girl) have historically been underrepresented and continue to be less supported and represented in sports. Boys haven't been "excluded" from running clubs, most teams are dominated by boys numbers-wise and resource wise (and again, as a class, not your single school). So someone wanted to encourage girls to run and started Girls on the Run to start the love of running without having to "compete" with boys. I am not going to debate this much as I sense that with the language of boys being "excluded" that this thread will go the way of yoga pants or other hot topics. I have two boys and a girl and she is fierce and far more athletic than her brothers. But she responds to different motivation than they do and having a club geared to encourage girls to try and stay in sports is "fair" Fair doesn't mean exactly the same, it means helping people have similar outcomes when starting in different places. Good for the teacher for recognizing this and acting.

Yes. This. FWIW, I have a boy who doesn't fit neatly into the traditional boy elementary sports. He does, however, enjoy running. We have Girls on the Run and no running program for boys. He would like a running program.

And, you know what...he has to wait. Because at the end of the day it's about kids at large, not just HIM. Athletics have historically catered to males, and I'm 100% fine with the fact that our only running program is for girls...even if I do wish that there was a boy option for his sake.

He's a white blonde male who lives in a somewhat affluent area - he can roll with this. And really, he SHOULD roll with this...as I remind him daily. Meanwhile my old high school classmate's kids start the school day with some jerk yelling at them to go back to where they came from. That is horrible. Girls on the Run? That's all good.

[niccig]

Could the answer simply be that no teacher has stepped up to lead the boy version of this club. No one to run it, no club


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[HannaAddict]

I guess I think it's kind of outrageous. I'm surprised the parents of the sporty boys have not yet complained? I wonder if there are no complaints due to the fact that there are plenty of lunchtime sports clubs for everyone to participate in.

And I totally agree with you - school is set up for girls to succeed. It's probably always been like that and it's probably worse now. Look at college gender ratios - Unc chapel hill numbers are terrible for boys, for example. I do think it's possible that boys will catch up but probably not like in the past. And being a white male hurts these days.


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I'm sorry, being a white male doesn't "hurt" these days, wow. I didn't want to use the "p" word - "privilege" but your sentence cries out for it.


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[ChicagoNDMom]

I would also be prepared (you and he) that the end result of this is that the girls sports club may but canceled/disbanded as a result of his protest. For a child that does not even wish to participate in said activity, I think he/you have chosen/are encouraging a very odd "mission".

[KrisM]

Since he doesn't want to join a club if there is one for boys, what is his goal? Does he think the girls club should be eliminated? Does he think there should be a boys club created? Or does he think it should just be coed?

How about the sports - you said some are single gender, but are they all equal? Is there girls football and boys cheerleading? If not, what will he want to see done with those?

I think that wanting things to be fair, even though he doesn't want to participate, is fine and good. But I would have him figure out what his end game is. Fair and equal are not the same.

My son liked to run in elementary. We had Girls on the Run. DS and I looked into boys programs and then I talked to the principal about them and now we have Stride for the boys. Our school also welcomes kids to meet with the principal with a well thought out plan for change. I know a few years ago, a few kids wanted to be able to wear hats to school. It was a rule that hats could not be worn. They talked to the principal and decided that there wasn't a good reason that regular hats (not silly hats) couldn't be worn during the day - we aren't in an area with gangs or anything that the hats could align someone with. The kids offered that it should be a trial program for 2 weeks to see if it became a problem. Now the kids can wear hats without an issue at the school. The leader of this group was a girl who loved wear a hat as an accessory - so she had a personal reason.

So see what his goal of this campaign is. Have him really think about what will happen if the result is the girls club is canceled.

[jacksmomtobe]

I agree with much that has been said. I think if your son were interested in doing a boys club and there were others boys interested but they were saying no then that would be a different story here. At our school if there is enough interest and a teacher willing to be the advisor a club can happen. Ds has a friend who has created multiple clubs. I have been impressed by his resourcefulness and initiative. In this case however I think complaining about something he really doesn't have a stake in is a waste of energy and also time by the administration. I would rather see a kid fighting about something they are passionate about. I think a better way to handle this is to discuss with him the inequities that have occurred in the past and to explain the potential benefits to the girls doing this type of program. As a parent of both a boy and girl athletes I think anything that encourage kids to get fit is good. My particular daughter didn't need the type of program like Girls on the Run but she had a phenomenal soccer coach for a few years who really understood that coaching girls was different than coaching boys. He had high expectations for them but got them. Someone once told me that girls bond and then they have success but boys have success than they bond in team sports. In observing both I think it definitely true not just on the success level but on how they approach it. Sometimes making things happen takes volunteers willing to put the time in. We had a coed exercise program at the elementary level which folded because there were not enough volunteers willing to invest the time to keep it going.

Also to echo another poster being a white male does not hurt. I value the importance of recess and getting kids active within school. I understand that boys and girls tend to have different strengths in learning but to say that being a white male hurts... No.