Nanny situation (long)

[basil]

What do I do here?

Long backstory:
We moved here in July 2015. We had 3 nannies who didn't work out, then finally hired our current nanny in March 2016. She was initially responsible for full time care of my DD, and my son went to preschool 3 days a week from 8-3:30. My husband has every other Monday off, but we pay her 40 hours those weeks anyway, and overtime at 1.5x when she's over 40 hours in a week. She started at $15/hr, which was more than she was making at the daycare she had worked at before. In September 2016, we started sending my DD to preschool 2 days a week and my son to preschool 4 days a week. So she didn't really have any responsibilities for 2-3 days a week, other than pick up the kids at 3:30 and keep them for an hour or 2 until we got home. But we kept paying her 40 hours/week to retain her, since my brother/SIL were expecting in January 2017.

So in April 2017 she started caring for my niece as well. We raised her pay to $17/hr. She still gets every other Monday off. My brother pays me 1/3 of her salary. Now my son goes to K full day, and my daughter is in 3 days a week preschool. I like this arrangement for a couple reasons - we have easily available back up care, the nanny does a reasonable job keeping stuff picked up, and I like feeling that the cousins will be close growing up.

Nanny's social situation is a little complicated...her mother passed away when she was young, and she has been living with her aunt since then, in some sort of rent controlled apartment. Her aunt got cancer and passed away recently. Nanny took a bunch of days off to care for her aunt around that time, and a full week off for the funeral, which my mom came up and watched the kids. We still paid her for that time, and we were sympathetic that losing this person who was a big part of her life was quite difficult, but most jobs would not have supported that amount of PTO.

Yesterday, nanny told me that she needs a raise. Because she was living with her aunt, she was only paying $300/month in rent, and now the house is being sold and she needs a new place. She says she needs $20/hr to be able to afford this. She says she would be willing to take on extra chores (grocery shopping, more cleaning, etc.) to justify this. Otherwise she will find a new job. I think she's probably correct that especially moving a little further in towards Boston, an experienced nanny could easily find a $20/hr job.

DH is upset. He says it is all my brother's/SIL's faults, because they ask nanny to do too much for their daughter. I think that even if my niece was in daycare, we would still be in the same position, because nanny just seems to really want a certain $$ per month to pay her bills, not to work less. Only then we would be paying 100% of the bill.

I haven't talked to my brother yet, but I am worried that he can't afford much more than he is paying now, and is approaching the rate that he would be paying for daycare. We can afford to pay her the extra, but my husband doesn't want to. I really don't want to look for a new nanny, since we had such trouble finding a good one to start with. I'm not even sure what I should tell my brother. I think my husband wants to do full time daycare for my daughter and before care/after care for my son, and obviously that would be cheaper, but it would be a really hard lifestyle adjustment for me.

I guess this is really half a vent, but any advice is welcome.

[SnuggleBuggles]

To me, it’s totally worth the extra salary. I’d just pay it and carry on. It’s not a high wage to start and you can afford to do it.


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[JBaxter]

And what about summers? Kids aren't in school during the summer. Even with family vacations I'd want the security of having someone lined up vs dragging them to camps all over. OR she can transport to and from day camps.

[hillview]

I live near boston and $20 an hour is a normal range for a full time nanny (I was paying that 5 years ago for a nanny). It sounds like your DH is not correct that BIL duties are the reason for the increase request, it sounds like the nanny said it was due to her housing issue. Can she take on the duties of a housekeeper for you? With a 3 year old I would want to keep a nanny for at least another year or 2.

What has happened in the past (you've paid her for days she didn't work, she had a death in the family and you paid her etc) shouldn't really be a factor other than to say that you've been fair to her and you clearly value her as a family member. In your shoes I'd have done the same and I consider this very generous and also appropriate for someone you think is taking care of your family well.

If you and BIL really cannot make the $20 an hour work I'd work to find alternative care. I will say that finding someone who works well in your family and who has the flexibility is really really hard (as you know from going through 3 nannies). I think your BIL would be paying $40 more a week which seems pretty reasonable?

Good luck!

[sariana]

No advice, but maybe I should become a nanny. I don't get paid that much! (And I live in a high COLA area.)

I do agree that keeping someone you trust may be worth more than you otherwise would pay, so there is that. But it's not your responsibility to make sure your employee can make rent. You should pay an appropriate amount based on the going rate, the expected responsibilities, and your contract. If she really can get more elsewhere, then you may not be paying the going rate. Otherwise it's her responsibility to find a job that meets her salary needs.

[candaceb]

I have a friend who lives in Natick. She works FT and has 2 kids - in 4th & 6th grades. Her kids are at an age where they don't need much more than some minimal supervision and a lot of driving - so she doesn't have a regular nanny. She is constantly stressing about getting someone to drive her kids after school, and she pays $20-25/hour.
It sounds like you have found a really good nanny, and if it's not going to be a financial hardship for you, I would do whatever it takes to keep her happy. $20/hour is totally reasonable from what I've heard from my Boston area friends.

[Ms B]

What I am puzzled about is why your brother thinks that four day a week child care for your niece would be $240/week (1/3 of $800/week). I live in a MCOL area and infant day care runs $375 and up a week -- and I do not know any place that allows four days a week; you have to pay for full time at the infant stage even if you do not use that time because infant slots are at a premium.

I only deal with one child, but in summers and over winter holidays especially, a situation like this would be heaven. That said, it does seem reasonable to me to expect your nanny to pick up more housekeeping type chores. I have hired some of our sitters to do "personal assistant" type tasks before and that has been very helpful; perhaps your nanny can pick up some of those things?

[basil]

Ms B - the daycare rates where we live are comparable to that. My brother works an hour away out towards the cape and it’s much cheaper there. And my niece will be 1 in January. I think he found a spot for around $1000 a month. But then my niece would have to spend 2 hours in the car every day, which is not ideal. He currently pays $1200/month (we pay over the table so that includes taxes and ss and Service fee for the billing company), so I’m guessing he will end up around $1350-1400.

[Philly Mom]

Ms B - the daycare rates where we live are comparable to that. My brother works an hour away out towards the cape and it’s much cheaper there. And my niece will be 1 in January. I think he found a spot for around $1000 a month. But then my niece would have to spend 2 hours in the car every day, which is not ideal. He currently pays $1200/month (we pay over the table so that includes taxes and ss and Service fee for the billing company), so I’m guessing he will end up around $1350-1400.

Which is still much less than what I paid for infant care.

I would talk to your brother. I did daycare. I liked it. I do aftercare for my younger one now and the older takes the bus home. I WFH so it works so long as I am not traveling. It sucks when I am. If I had to be in an office every day, I would want a babysitter. Good babysitters are hard to find and $20 seems to be the going rate. Heck, I paid a high schooler $12 an hour yesterday to pick up DD1 from the bus and play with her until I got home from meetings.

[Kindra178]

20/hour for three kids (even part time two kids) is a steal. Babies cost more. At least here, daycare for a baby is more than the 7/hour your brother will be paying. Also, having back up care when you have a sick kid and have to goto Work is complete piece of mind.

Finally, please tell your husband that 14/hour for two kids is below market. Yes, kids are in school. But it’s hard to find quality child care by way of after school sitter for cheaper.


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