If this were your DC, would you want me to say something?

[doberbrat]

Oh ok. We don't do anything like that in our family. So it would be unusual for us.

We dont do anything like this either - playing one parent off the other is a punishable offense. I did this as a kid between my mother and Grandmother (whom we lived with) and it wasn't good. At times I'd even threaten my grandmother with telling my mom that she'd allowed me to do something if I wanted to do something else. I do NOT want my kids doing it!

That being said, I would have said something to "Adele" at the time about not keeping secrets from her mother and moved on. Even as strict as I am about it, I would not expect to be told. Just assume the kid is kidding or whatever and let it go.

[ahisma]

We don't do the "don't tell dad" thing in our family, but I don't think her statement is weird at all. Didn't you try a gazillion different ways to get something you wanted badly as a kid? She may have even been playing it up to be funny. Even if she wasn't, I think it's a very normal kid thing.

Bear in mind that she was still seeking permission - from YOU. I'd be worried if she stole it. Seeking permission, albeit in a less than ideal way? Not worrisome. I can see a friend mentioning something like that to me as a funny anecdote, but not with concern.

[mackmama]

Huh? Why? Because we might meet an 11 year old named Adele who wants candy before lunch?

Because people shouldn't use their kids' real names on public forums for privacy reasons.

[pinkmomagain]

Because people shouldn't use their kids' real names on public forums for privacy reasons.

This struck me as a weird admonishment too. The OP put the name in quotes which usually means a false name. While I agree it's wise not to use real names for privacy reasons, I wouldn't scold someone for doing so.

[jgenie]

We dont do anything like this either - playing one parent off the other is a punishable offense. I did this as a kid between my mother and Grandmother (whom we lived with) and it wasn't good. At times I'd even threaten my grandmother with telling my mom that she'd allowed me to do something if I wanted to do something else. I do NOT want my kids doing it!
.

This is NOT what I’m talking about at all. We don’t keep secrets from each other nor do we encourage our kids to keep secrets from either parent. DS1 adores donuts but Dunkin Donuts isn’t safe for DS2. It’s not fair to DS1 that he would never get to eat them. We indulge him if he’s out without DS2.


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[magnoliaparadise]

Thank you everyone for your comments.
Mackmama, your hope is correct. "Adele" isn't her first name and isn't close-sounding to her real name. That's why I put the name in quotations. I thought that was obvious, but I will be more clear in the future.

[TwinFoxes]

Thank you everyone for your comments.
I thought that was obvious, but I will be more clear in the future.

The quotes did make it obvious, I don't think you need to make it clearer. I'm not sure why else there would have been quotes.

[Kindra178]

But let’s assume Adele was her real name. Or it was Madele. Find me a starving 11 year old who doesn’t want candy before lunch. It’s not really a privacy breach.


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[essnce629]

I, too, thought the story would end in stealing. I think it’s perfectly normal. Your kids may do something like that when not with you!


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I also thought she was going to grab the bag, open it, and just start eating it!!!

I don't see an issue.



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[magnoliaparadise]

OP, your inner voice seems to want you to intervene quite often on things. Occasionally I’ve agreed with you but more often, I think you should quiet that voice. Step back and think through what you hope to gain as well as what could go wrong with your intervention.
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I guess it depends upon one's view of what is "quite often". I just reviewed the threads that I started and I found a handful of posts in which I had asked advice on whether to intervene. In the other (approximately 120) threads, I did not.

You said, "your inner voice seems to want to intervene quite often on things". While I have at times *requested* advice on BBB on whether to intervene, the posts reflect uncertainty or questioning of whether to intervene - not necessarily a desire to intervene.

But, in any event, I agree with your point that it's always a good idea to step back and think through what one hopes to gain as well as what could go wrong with one's intervention.