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  1. #1
    PZMommy is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default My DS Got His Heart Broken

    My 8 yr old DS is one of the nicest kids ever. He wants to be friends with everyone. He is the kind of kid that seeks out those that don’t have a playmate. His teachers always comment that he has a heart of gold. Today he got his heart crushed by a boy that he considers to be a good friend of his. My DS went to invite him to play at recess and the boy told DS that he can’t play with him anymore because my DS is a fake friend. My DS asked for clarification, because he didn’t know what that meant. This boy said “I invited you to my birthday last year, but you never invited me to your birthday. My mom says you are a fake friend and to not play with you anymore.” My DS tried to explain that he doesn’t have birthday parties. We do a family experience vs a birthday party (that is my kids’ choice). I know this boy has high functioning autism, so he tends to not be the most tactful, but clearly this boy’s mother has put this idea in his head. My DS wants to be this boy’s friend still. I told him to keep being nice and asking him to play, but to not be upset if he says no. I don’t know what else to tell him.

  2. #2
    trcy is offline Ruby level (4000+ posts)
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    Oh no! I feel so bad for him!


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains
    DD 12/10
    DS 10/15

  3. #3
    khm is offline Ruby level (4000+ posts)
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    Is it possible, since this boy has high functioning autism, that it was framed in a different way? That the boy was sad about the birthday party thing and his mom was trying to give him tools to deal with that? But, she doesn't know about the fact that you don't have parties? So, instead of putting ideas into his head, it is more a way that she's trying to not break HIS heart? I dunno, just sounds like maybe a miscommunication all around.

  4. #4
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    I know this is BP but if you have mom’s contact info, maybe reach out to her and explain and Maue plans with her kiddo. It’ll be a win win


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  5. #5
    PZMommy is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by khm View Post
    Is it possible, since this boy has high functioning autism, that it was framed in a different way? That the boy was sad about the birthday party thing and his mom was trying to give him tools to deal with that? But, she doesn't know about the fact that you don't have parties? So, instead of putting ideas into his head, it is more a way that she's trying to not break HIS heart? I dunno, just sounds like maybe a miscommunication all around.
    I dont know. The boy went on to say how he is having a birthday party tomorrow and made a big deal about how he didn’t invite DS because he is a fake friend. The mom is a bit rude herself, so I can easily say her saying this. My DS could care less about the birthday party thing, he just wants to be friends still. They aren’t in the same class this year (they were last year), so they don’t have much contact with each other aside from recess. I told my DS he can keep inviting him to play, but if he says no, then he needs to go and find some of his other friends to play with.

  6. #6
    PZMommy is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    I know this is BP but if you have mom’s contact info, maybe reach out to her and explain and Maue plans with her kiddo. It’ll be a win win


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    I don’t have her info. I just see her at school functions from time to time. Being a teacher, my kid goes to before and after school care, so I have very little contact with other parents.

  7. #7
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    I'm so sorry, your poor little guy must be sad. But I think there's a pretty good chance that the mom didn't say that. A good friend of my DDs has Aspergers and "fake friend" totally sounds like something he would say. It wouldn't matter what his mom's said, if he got "fake friend" in his head, that's what he'd stick to. He might be having a party at a venue that only allows a certain number, and his mom may have said "you can only invite your five closest friends...maybe the ones who invited you to their parties?" And he interpreted that to mean the other kids are his fake friends. Eight years old + high functioning autism may = not exactly true story.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  8. #8
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    Agree that I doubt this is what happened and sounds like a game of telephone gone wrong. I’d try and email the mom to make time to play sometime. I’m sorry for your little guy being hurt.


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  9. #9
    sariana is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by PZMommy View Post
    I dont know. The boy went on to say how he is having a birthday party tomorrow and made a big deal about how he didn’t invite DS because he is a fake friend. The mom is a bit rude herself, so I can easily say her saying this. My DS could care less about the birthday party thing, he just wants to be friends still. They aren’t in the same class this year (they were last year), so they don’t have much contact with each other aside from recess. I told my DS he can keep inviting him to play, but if he says no, then he needs to go and find some of his other friends to play with.
    Since autism can be hereditary, the mom may be on the spectrum herself, which could cause her to come across as rude. (Or she could just be rude for other reasons.) I think you told your DS the right thing. These boys are 8, and I suspect they will be more adept at working it out without the mothers' involvement anyway. The other boy is probably confused, too.

    When I was 11, my mom told me I couldn't play with another girl anymore (I still don't really know why), but she didn't give me any skills to actually make the break. So when school started again, I was rude to the girl because I didn't really know how to tell her that I wasn't allowed to play with her anymore. So in that sense your son is lucky--the other boy explained his side of the story.

    I'm sorry he's having to deal with this situation.
    DS '04 "Boogaboo"
    DD '08 "Lilybear"

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