Talking to kids about healthy eating, weight, etc.

[alootikki]

This is part Bitching Post, but I need some resources/articles I can share with DH on how to speak with the kids about healthy eating in a constructive way!

Background: DH is in amazing shape - he eats super healthy, hits the gym for an hour or TWO each day, and looks great. He also often makes comments about how he wants to lose 5 pounds, define his six-pack more, saying that he was "bad" in terms of eating on Saturday night, etc. (Insert several roll-eye emojis here! I myself am about 25 pounds overweight (ughh), so I find all of his comments along these lines irritating and ridiculous!).

DD is almost 10 - she's not overweight AT ALL, but is probably close to the higher end of "healthy weight" for her age. She's also not super active (plays sports once a week, will play outside a few times a week, but not super sporty) and has a major sweet tooth. In the last 6 months, I've noticed that she is developing a little tummy and will put on weight if she's not active at all. I've been talking to her a lot about making sure you get exercise every day to keep your body strong and your mind clear, and to make sure she's choosing "growing foods" that keep your body healthy instead of sugary foods that aren't healthy for your body.

I think it's bad enough that DH makes these comments about himself in front of the kids, but today he said something that really pissed me off! Apparently DD went downstairs to have dessert (which is ok in our house), and chose a muffin - DH said "No DD, that has almost 600 calories in it!" He followed up by saying that sugar is not good for you but UGHHH - why is he talking to a 10 year old about CALORIES! I am so upset - I feel like how her father talks to her is going to shape so much of her self-esteem and body image! I have said all of this to him, but I don't think it's getting through fully.


If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Any suggestions for articles or other reading I could share with DH to drive home the importance of carefully speaking about things like this with DD? Thanks!

[magnoliaparadise]

Hi, I don't have much advice, but have posted similar things in the last year or two if you ever want to look those up. I'm following this.

Honestly, I don't know the answer. My DD, also 10, is similar and I find it a *very* hard balance between educating her about keeping her body strong and healthy, while making sure she understands the consequences of eating too much... the truth is, I don't think she really understands and I feel like I'm tip toeing (for good reason) around this issue and not giving her flat out information in contrast to other things I explain to her more clearly (eg this is obvious, but 'don't cross the street because cars are going fast'). Sometimes I feel like in my quest to be very careful about how I talk about weight, I am too subtle and leave my kid ignorant in a way that I wouldn't in other subjects. I am grappling with how to explain things to her in a way that she will listen and is accurate without starting bad body image stuff.

I also understand your thoughts about your husband. My dad has said really awful things around weight (even 'don't eat that or you'll get fat') which I have taken him aside and told him not to say anymore. I have gotten really angry at him about things and he has stopped - but - it's so hard when we can't protect our kids from these comments.

[magnoliaparadise]

Duplicate...

[mikala]

Does he ever make any comments about your diet or weight?

If so, I'd strongly consider counseling to talk through it without your daughter in the room. We don't have enough details here but it sounds like his own relationship with his body/food could be problematic and I suspect an article isn't going to be enough to get him on board.

[123LuckyMom]

The thing is, you and your DH can be as careful as possible, but what you don’t say is going to register, too. She’s going to pick up on anxiety or concern whether you say anything or not. It sucks. Of course you should still frame everything in terms of health, but you just can’t guarantee that’s going to do the trick. She’s hearing and seeing hundreds of unhealthy messages every day, so one comment about calories isn’t going to be the tipping point. Honestly, learning about calories and what constitutes a better dessert or snacking choice isn’t bad. I’m not suggesting anyone start taking a diary of her caloric intake, but knowing that one dessert choice has 600 calories and a lot of refined sugar but little fiber and another choice has fewer calories and more fiber or natural instead of refined sugars is part of learning about health and healthy choices. Also, half or a third of that muffin might be a nice enough treat.

I teach my kids to look for protein first (lots of protein is good), fiber second (fiber helps combat sugar), fats third (good fats will be filling and also combat sugar, so choose the high fat choice, like a potato chip, over the low fat, like the pretzel), and eat foods with added sugar last and least. With portions, a portion should be smaller than your fist. That’s probably enough, though veggies don’t count. You can eat as many of those as you want, and the more the better. We also play games to identify the better choice— not while they’re eating, but at other times. This helps them learn about good food choices. We haven’t discussed calories, but that could be another way of determining portion size. The best thing overall, though, is to cultivate truly caring about health as a metric and NOT caring about weight, which, contrary to popular opinion, has very little to do with health. That’s nigh unto impossible in our culture, though.


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[Kindra178]

I guess I don't see the issue with discussing calories with a not totally active ten year old. How would a kid know about healthy eating without learning about calories? I agree with Luckymom - protein is a major discussion here. We talk about how sugar is toxic and causes inflammation - but you can eat some as a treat. We do ice cream every other night.

[abh5e8]

She is young. I think you need to control what foods you have at home if you are worried she is not eating well. Taste is acquired. If you stop having so many sweets at home, she won't eat as many and will learn to live without them. I think quietly cutting them from your grocery budget is way better than making a big deal of counting calories as she is pureusing the pantry for a snack or dessert. You want to avoid shaming. I actually talk with my kids about gut bacteria... It's the bad ones that send sugar cravings to our brains. Dont feed the bad bugs!

ETA: muffins are often the giant cake dressed as a "healthy choice", especially those from a bakery or a box. I would not be surprised if it did have 600 calories, although I agree your husband handled it in a very poor way.

[SnuggleBuggles]

She is young. I think you need to control what foods you have at home if you are worried she is not eating well. Taste is acquired. If you stop having so many sweets at home, she won't eat as many and will learn to live without them. I think quietly cutting them from your grocery budget is way better that maybe a big deal of counting calories as she is pureusing the pantry for a snack or dessert. You want to avoid shaming. I actually talk with my kids about gut bacteria... It's the bad ones that send sugar cravings to our brains. Dont feed the bad bugs!

ITA. You control what comes into the house. You don't have to make any drastic choices but maybe start making some better swaps or just slowly cut out some less good options you currently buy.

[div_0305]

First, thank you for speaking up and thinking about how your daughter may be affected by how your DH talks and spoke to her. There is nothing wrong with talking about calories, what they mean, and good and bad calories. But that is not what your DH did--he yelled and just threw out "600 calories" with nothing more, and I would be livid! Maybe you can tell DH that if he wants to talk to DD about food, he needs to do it in a calm and educational way. Starting today he should explain to your daughter what a calorie means.

I'm curious, how did your daughter react when DH did that? I'm asking because I know my family and relatives' treatment towards me ruined my self-image and self-worth from a very young age. I would guess your DD now thinks that muffin is even more appetizing, but in a guilty way. I had "baby fat" when I was young, but did not have to wear clothes outside of my age range. I look back at childhood pictures and I'm stunned to see that I wasn't even chubby. But in my mind, I was a big, fat, ugly blimp growing up. One aunt, who I despise to this day, would never call me by my name, instead she used the equivalent of "Fatty" when she spoke to me. My parents never stopped her. My mom was always making comments about my weight and appearance, and called me a bull or elephant and would laugh at me at the same time. It led to many, many problems for me. So, again, thank you for speaking up and being sensitive to the actual and hidden messages your DH is sending.

[gatorsmom]

I think what everyone has said above it really good advice. Another thing I would add, besides living the message that food makes us healthy and to choose healthy foods in healthy amounts is that snacking is not something we do because we are bored. I find myself sometimes looking for a snack and realize that I’m just procrastinating or bored- I’m not actually hungry. I remind my kids of that too when I see them doing it. 9 times out of 10 DS2 will admit he’s just looking for something fun to do and he know there are some new snacks in the pantry that I bought for cold lunches. I’ll probably give him one and then redirect him to find something to do or finish homework, etc.

Another thing I think is crucial to our kids’ self image is to keep away the magazines and social media which pushes airbrushed perfect models in our faces. I really think it’s worth limiting that junk for the health of our kids. It’s so hard for a developing teen not to associate the smiling, laughing ad models with happiness and self fulfillment. Those ads send a strong message. The wrong message.