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  1. #1
    Join Date
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    Default just gotta get this off my chest....

    I dropped off some groceries to my friend yesterday as her DH is out of town and she and all 3 of her littles are sick. These are very close friends, have been for years. Our youngest and their oldest are besties and have been since before they could walk! Their oldest is a little boy, we'll call him Jake (5yo.) My youngest, E (4yo), and jake get along like peas and carrots even though she's a girl. She's a tomboy, but I don't even like labeling her that way. She likes what she likes and I don't really care. As her bff, jake, has gotten older, though, he has taken notice of how she doesn't "fit in."

    On to the bitch...

    Yesterday when I dropped the stuff off, my friend apologized that her 3 year old was pantsless. I laughed and joked about how my E is also allergic to clothes when we are home, so not to worry about it. Then Jake chimed in with this gem, "E only likes to wear hockey shirts. She needs to wear things like princess dresses." I was like, "yes, she does love hockey!" and then he goes "She's not supposed to. She likes sports, but she should like princesses. You need to tell her." My friend stepped in there and said "she can like what she wants..." blah blah blah.

    I get that he's 5. No ill will towards the kid. BUT, this is what's coming for us, isn't it? She starts pre-K in august and she's picked out a blue dino backpack. I was so glad E wasn't there yesterday to hear her friend say that, but this is going to be a thing I guess going forward and I'm just so annoyed. It started way back when she was 2 and chose her halloween costume (woody from toy story) and literally every person we trick or treated to asked her why she hadn't chosen to be jessie (you know, the girl!) *sigh*

    I feel better now. thanks.
    Megs
    DD1 (13-ish)
    DS (11-ish)
    DD2 (5-ish)

  2. #2
    hillview's Avatar
    hillview is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    honestly I think that is strange. I am not sure most kids notice at that age. My DS1 wore girls shoes (he picked them out at stride rite -- they were pink princess shoes) when he was 4-6 years old. He loved them. The store manager had a bigger issue than any of his friends.

    PS realize this is the bitch post. That sucks and I am sure your friend was horrified.
    DS #1 Summer 05
    DS #2 Summer 07

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by hillview View Post
    honestly I think that is strange.
    Same here. And I'm just saying this to reassure you. My DDs have never been into princesses or fairies (nothing is wrong with princesses or fairies, it just wasn't their thing...they do like butteflies ) At your DD's age they liked dinosaurs, trains, dragons, and Mickey more than Minnie. I wouldn't say they are "tomboys" (I definitely was a tomboy) but they never liked stereotypical girlie things. Even now they watch all the stupid car shows with DH and hate shopping with me. They never caught flak for it from boys or girls. I am hoping this is a one-off for your DDs sake.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  4. #4
    khm is offline Ruby level (4000+ posts)
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    Aw. It is annoying. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that its the parents fault, that he's explicitly hearing this from them.

    It is SO pervasive. Every commercial he sees, every image on the packaging of a toy screams "this is a boy toy" or "this is a girl toy", every visual ad image in Target, books, happy meal toys where there are distinct boy / girl toys, apps are gendered - it's EVERYWHERE. He's 5 and he's picking up on that. Your daughter's awesomeness will hopefully help him see the light.

  5. #5
    Philly Mom is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    I would be annoyed by that comment even if it is just a kid. He has to be hearing it from somewhere. My boy neighbor got an opposite comment in first grade about how he can't play with girls, etc.

    Just to rest your mind a bit, both my girls are how you describe yours. My oldest one was always friends with boys though she often wore dresses (not princess stuff, she just likes clothes). But she did not have girl friends until first grade. It was never an issue. No one said anything and her friendships with boys has been actively encouraged all around. She still has plenty of boy friends and will choose to play with them. My younger DD is the same age as yours. She has been in school her whole life. Two different schools and two different boys have been her bffs. She likes be rough and tumble. She is the only girl on her t-ball team. She plays football during free play time. Again, she is actively encouraged. I was also that kid and even in the 80s got few comments with the exception of my 3rd grade teacher who made a bunch. My mom and I both still laugh about it.

  6. #6
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    Fortunately teachers and adults are much better about that sort of thing than 20 years ago. However, I think it’s still more acceptable for girls to be interested in “boy” things and clothing than for boys to be into “girl” things.

    My sisters daughter (7) has a Pokémon backpack and was charizard for Halloween. There was another boy in her class who was also charizard and he was super excited.

    My youngest (4.5 year old boy) loves sparkly things and mickey and friends. He often wears “girly” sunglasses to school and no one has said anything. I will say I refused to buy him sparkly Minnie Mouse sandals...mostly because they looked uncomfortable and we had hand me down keens I wanted him to wear.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    DD (3/06)
    DS1 (7/09)
    DS2 (8/13)

  7. #7
    mom2binsd is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I like E, she's going to be a badass (in the best way)!!! No worries, we have lots of little girls around here wear hockey shirts/jersey's and play hockey and they skate circles around the boys! Inside I sort of wish she'd popped him one (just kidding).

  8. #8
    petesgirl is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Hmm, I wonder who is feeding him those ideas...probably not his mom since she chimed in for your DD. Also, the Halloween costume thing--WTF? Why would anyone even question what a kid chooses to be for Halloween? Jeesh.
    Mama to :
    DS1 (July 2011)
    DD (Feb 2014-June 2015)
    DS2 (Apr 2017)

    "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...Until you climb inside his skin and walk around in it."
    --Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)

  9. #9
    trcy is offline Ruby level (4000+ posts)
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    Just today DD told me that I need to like pink because I’m a girl, she knows I like blue. I asked her who told her that and she said no one. She acted like this was a fact of life that everyone should know.


    Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains
    DD 12/10
    DS 10/15

  10. #10
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    I haven't read all the responses but will say this - over the years I have had lots of students like your DD and never once heard a single boy or girl give them a hard time. Maybe they have had a different experience outside of my classroom, but what you describe does not sound like the norm AT ALL where I am.

    ETA - the kids who like pink best in my class are ALWAYS the boys. When I gave out red and pink necklaces for Valentine's Day, there was practically a boy-brawl for the pink ones. Same with pink pencils. I really don't see gender stereotypes play out the way one might expect.
    Last edited by Green_Tea; 04-17-2018 at 06:19 PM.
    Green Tea, mom to three

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