What’s an appropriate consequence?

[trcy]

Long story short, DD has been lying to me about school lunches. I just spoke with the cafeteria manager after receiving a note that DD’s account is negative. She’s been buying lunches and snacks when I send stuff in and telling me she hasn’t been. The cafeteria manager is noting her account and told me how I can monitor purchases in the future. We’ve had several conversations about lying and the school lunch thing has come up before. I feel like this time there needs to be a punishment, but I’m coming up blank as to what would be appropriate. Any thoughts?


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[TwoBees]

As a general consequence for lying, I would take away something she enjoys or values, such as screen time. If you are looking for a consequence for this specific event, I might have her prepare her own lunches for a while (even if this means getting up earlier in the morning or missing out on something in the evening to do it) and freezing her lunch account so she cannot buy snacks and lunches.

We had an issue with DD buying snacks several days a week and not eating her lunch. She didn't lie to us about it per se, just never said anything. Her account was draining too fast which is why I probed her about it. Her account is now annotated to specify that she can only buy snacks one specific day a week (she can buy lunches or water any time, only snacks are restricted).

[mmsmom]

First I would address why she is doing it. Is she hungry, does she not like what you are sending, etc. I like the idea of freezing account and making her pack her own lunch for a while. For the lying I would think of some natural consequences... I have to watch you brush your teeth since I can’t trust you if you say you did it; no you can’t go to your friends house because I can not trust you to use your manners, etc.

ETA: For any other thing I would say to have her do some jobs around the house to earn money to repay her account. But this is tricky since it is food. If she is buying because she is truly hungry then the lying is still wrong of course but it could send the wrong message having her pay for her food.

[hillview]

she is young -- 7? I would assume she can't handle this and either send her in with cash or have the school cut her off. I had a similar issue with DS2 in 2nd grade. He was just not able to handle this situation.

[trcy]

she is young -- 7? I would assume she can't handle this and either send her in with cash or have the school cut her off. I had a similar issue with DS2 in 2nd grade. He was just not able to handle this situation.

We do send her with cash on the days she is buying her lunch because I know she’ll drain her account with snacks. The problem is the school will let her ‘buy’ food (snacks and lunches) without money and then send a note home that we owe money. The manager is noting her account that she can’t buy a snack unless she has cash in hand to purchase it. I don’t think they’ll do the same with lunches because they don’t want a student to not eat, which I understand.


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[hillview]

We do send her with cash on the days she is buying her lunch because I know she’ll drain her account with snacks. The problem is the school will let her ‘buy’ food (snacks and lunches) without money and then send a note home that we owe money. The manager is noting her account that she can’t buy a snack unless she has cash in hand to purchase it. I don’t think they’ll do the same with lunches because they don’t want a student to not eat, which I understand.


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I think that is fine. With my DS2 the lunch lady agreed to not let him get junk food or chocolate milk and with that I was ok with it. The following year he had no interest in the school lunch program and its been that way since.

[trcy]

I think that is fine. With my DS2 the lunch lady agreed to not let him get junk food or chocolate milk and with that I was ok with it. The following year he had no interest in the school lunch program and its been that way since.

I am hoping it will also help that I can now monitor each day if she is buying anything.


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[vonfirmath]

We do send her with cash on the days she is buying her lunch because I know she’ll drain her account with snacks. The problem is the school will let her ‘buy’ food (snacks and lunches) without money and then send a note home that we owe money. The manager is noting her account that she can’t buy a snack unless she has cash in hand to purchase it. I don’t think they’ll do the same with lunches because they don’t want a student to not eat, which I understand.


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At our school they can only go negative to $5. After that, they serve them cheese sandwiches if they forget their lunch. So I budget lunch money per month. I put that money in at the beginning of the month and when it runs out, its out. If they run the account negative, then when I put the money in the next month, first it repays the negative and they have fewer days they can buy lunch that month. Overspending on lunch early in the month leads to not having money in the account later in the month. But there's always another chance to try again next month!

[trcy]

At our school they can only go negative to $5. After that, they serve them cheese sandwiches if they forget their lunch. So I budget lunch money per month. I put that money in at the beginning of the month and when it runs out, its out. If they run the account negative, then when I put the money in the next month, first it repays the negative and they have fewer days they can buy lunch that month. Overspending on lunch early in the month leads to not having money in the account later in the month. But there's always another chance to try again next month!

She’s at -$5.50 now. I am not sure if they cap how negative it can go.


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[div_0305]

Is she also eating what you send in or bringing that back (or worse chucking it at school)? This would affect how I'd punish the lying. I'd need to understand why.