Your advice! I'm dreading going on vacation... do you ever? WWYD??

[magnoliaparadise]

Moderators, please keep this here both for traffic, but also because this isn't asking about a vacation as much as my psyche around it! Thank you!

I have no idea why, but I'm dreading going to Canada in a week (Montreal, Quebec City) when the kids finish school. I keep saying we're going to everyone when asked, but I think I really don't want to go for some reason (having nothing to do with Canada). It seems so silly not to be excited about a *vacation* of all things.

I have no motivation to prepare what we will see or do. It's like I'm procrastinating writing a college paper! I've done a minimal amount, but the research feels torturous. I finally just bought two guidebooks on Amazon today to make it easier on myself. The thing is, I know making an itinerary is not so hard!! I just can't seem to push myself to do it!!

It's the weirdest thing... even though I can't motivate myself, in theory, I LIKE the idea and am proudly tell people our plans when asked. I think my kids also like the idea that they are going somewhere (especially since their classmates are doing very cool trips), but when I asked my DD1 if she was looking forward to it, she said she had no idea what it meant to visit Montreal and Quebec City, so she didn't know how she felt about going. Which is fair.

The logistics:
We have a place to stay (friend's house, though she will be working) in Montreal, but not yet in Quebec. The plan is 4 nights in each give or take.
I'm a single parent so it's all on me.
I was hoping to take a plane, but now that I've delayed so long in buying tickets, barring a crazy airline deal, I'm thinking my only choice will be to drive... which I'm not totally against and gives us more flexibility, but will decrease our time in Montreal and Quebec City.
I could just decrease the trip to one city and make it easier on myself... not a horrible idea... I guess Quebec City is the one I really want to go to, but since my friend is in Montreal (and it's closer), I would go there. But I would be sad about missing out on Quebec City once there.

The thing is... it's bringing the kids that makes it feel bigger. I realize now that my past vacations were so much easier with the kids. We usually visit friends/family and just hang out with them, or go to something in which everything is 'done' for us - like a family camp or Disney cruise. Even Disney World, while a lot of work before the trip, was pretty easy once we arrived (ie it's hard to go wrong once at Disney - for the kids, what's not to love?).

**** Has this happened to you? Did/would you make yourself go? Or would you stay home?

I've listed advantages to going on vacation or staying home below, but, obviously, don't feel like you have to read to respond!!

Thank you!!!! Just the act of writing this feels helpful, like I have a loosening from being stuck, though not sure where that will lead me.

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Advantages of just going on this vacation:
-- The fear of regret factor - I think once we go, I will be very glad I went. There are certainly trips when I was younger that I didn't do (too scared to travel around the world with a college friend for a year) which I regret and now would jump at.
- I have no plans for my kids here at home now and they will be whiney and want to watch TV and play on screens all day if we stay here and then will drive me crazy!
- At the very least, if we don't go, I will be busy entertaining my kids here anyway so I won't get much stuff done either way
- There are sooooo many places I want my kids to see with me and I feel like we don't have much time given the school year and their summer commitments (and the fact that my 10 year old, while only 10, will start yearning for independence in about 5 years and maybe not want to go, if my nieces/nephews are any indication). And I want to take advantage of starting to see things on our bucket list. This one feels like a pre-cursor to Europe since it has the French aspect, so it's a big plus. In addition, the reason to go to Canada *now* is weather - I don't know if my kids could hack it once colder.
- When I look back on this week, I will probably only have a memory of it if we *go* on vacation. If I stay back, I'll just be hanging out and doing laundry and catching up on things.
- Although we are not going *for* my Montreal friend exactly and she will be working and just letting us stay with her and her son, she might be annoyed if I backed out. It's not that she is depending upon us to be there or her plans would have been different if we had bowed out earlier, but I do think it would be flakey of me. My Montreal friend is a big traveler and has invited me to countless trips in the last year that I wouldn't dream of doing with my kids (yet) - Japan recently being the last - none of which we have joined her on - and I worry that she will think I'm a flake and stop inviting me on her cool trips. She may also leave Montreal soon (she's Australian and her job is finite) and I will have missed my opportunity to visit her, which I think is fun.
- Although I want to catch up on stuff at home, in reality, there will always be a 'to do' box so I should just do as much as possible here and then go on the trip.
- So many of our friends and the kids' friends are going on vacation. I want my kids to feel excited that they went somewhere, too. It's possible we can do it another time this summer, but really only one week - the last week of summer before school - which is just as bad as this first week of summer!

Advantages of staying home:
- It's an oxymoron not to be excited about a vacation and maybe I should listen to my body. Maybe I'm just flat out tired and the kids would really rather hang out, too, given the end of the school year.
- Maybe I'm sick, as well as exhausted. I'm going to an internist tomorrow after a long hiatus. And maybe I can see other doctors if I stay back - but again, the chances of doing that when the kids are around are slim. But... maybe I have a thyroid, iron, peri-menopausal issue that is leading me to be so tired all the time and I would enjoy going on a trip another time.
- This end of the school year period is just exhausting. I'm not sure why it's been so crazy, but everyone I speak to says the exact same thing so I really do believe there is something about certain times of the year - and end of school year is one of them - that is more intense than others.
- My 6 year old really won't remember the trip anyway, who am I kidding! I took my oldest to Disney when she turned 7 and she can barely remember a thing!
- If my kids are still tired from ending school, they may be whiney, which would be awkward at my friend's house in Montreal.
- If we stayed back home, we could do little day trips here so all is not lost. We moved here in August so things are still very new here. We could spend a day picking strawberries, two days going to a little cute tourist-y town about 2 hours a way, probably some playdates with my kids' friends, local, but sweet stuff like that.
- I worry that my kids will just be miserable going to the different tour-isty things in Canada and want to go home...
- I think I just want to be able to get stuff done - or at least not put something else (a trip) in my life that delays getting stuff done. I feel like every time I go on a trip, the preparation/being there/unpacking sets me back awhile. I have emails I never returned when I was away in April!!
- My kids are both very suddenly in reading modes - getting into a series ebbs and flows for my kids, but it's a completely new thing for my 6 year old to beg to read/be read to. I have a ton (50!!) books out of the library as of this week and my kids are excited about the books - so they might be happy reading some books and laying low at home.
- I once read an Oprah Winfrey quote which said that she doesn't do anything unless she feels it directly from the heart and every fiber of her being says yes. Something like that. That's kind of beautiful. If I followed that view, I should stay home. Though to be fair, there have been things I resisted and then was glad I did, so maybe I don't work this way.

[Pear]

Just do Montreal. It will make the logistics so much easier.

[jacksmomtobe]

Just do Montreal. It will make the logistics so much easier.

My mom just returned from Montreal and had a great time. She tends to be a glass is half empty type of person but she said the people in Montreal were extremely nice. 😃. It will be a good opportunity to see your friend and by sticking to one city you will lighten the logistic load.

[Philly Mom]

Traveling is great. do both. As a teen, I much preferred Quebec to Montreal. It is less city and more Europe. But do both. They are close enough.

I travel alone with my kids all the time. I would much rather travel with my kids than sit home with them.

Here are the things that are key:
find parks and make sure you hit at least one a day; do less than you think;
locate ice cream and pastry shops and after you visit somewhere, stop for treats;
bring bathing suits and stay in a hotel so you can swim in the hotel pool or find a lake to swim in;
Take books and read in a park every day.

You can do this and you will be thankful. So much of traveling to new places is being there not how much you see. Have a great time!


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[mommy111]

I can say this about montreal: you can show up there without a plan and still have a wonderful time!!

[pinkmomagain]

Go on tripadvisor and look up the top 5-10 attractions in each city. Pick 2-4 you think you might want to do with the kids. Once you get there ask the concierge and/or your friend about the logistics about how to get to each place/best time to go. Look at your weather app and make sure you plan accordingly. Wake up each morning and do what makes sense for each day. I would try to do one quick city tour (hop on/hop off type bus) the first day in each city so that you can get your bearings and preview what you may want to go back and visit).

We winged it in Sicily last summer and ended up having a great time. Was even able to get in some tours spontaneously.

[jenmcadams]

I say go, but I'm a big traveler. My DH passed away three years ago, so when we travel it's just me and the kids. I get that it's hard, but once we go, we never regret it. We've actually ramped up our travel since I became a single parent - it's something the kids and I bond over. Both of my kids have caught the travel bug and we all say it's our form of grief therapy My 15yo DD actually just left yesterday for a 7 week US State Department program in Amman, Jordan, and next year, my son (who will be 13) will be spending 2 weeks in China/Hong Kong and 4 weeks in Japan in a two month stretch.

I think you've gotten some good advice, but a few other things to consider:

• In Quebec City, if you still need to find lodging, consider Airbnb /VRBO(maybe you can get lucky and find a condo complex with a pool). We used Airbnb last year all throughout Croatia and Slovenia and it was much cheaper and nice to have a little more space to spread out and decompress at end of day
• Don't try to do everything - this used to be my problem when I traveled. I enjoy our trips much more now that I'm not pushing to constantly get to every attraction/venue. Do we miss some things? Sure, but we enjoy the things we do more
• Parks & Ice Cream/Pastries are key to everyone's enjoyment
• Use Uber if Needed! We generally walk or use public transportation when moving around a city, but don't be afraid to grab an Uber if kids are close to meltdown
• Tripadvisor: I know you said you're procrastinating with putting together the itinerary. If you peruse the forums on TripAdvisor for Montreal and Quebec City, you can put together some rough lists in less than an hour. Depending on the mood of those particular forums, you can often just post a question like "I have 3 kids, ages X, Y, Z and we'll be in Montreal for 4 days staying in this neighborhood - what would you do?" and people will respond and help you put together your itinerary
• Meals: For us, we generally eat out at lunch when we're traveling and often end up eating at hotel/Airbnb for breakfast and then just do snacks for dinner
• Wifi/Electronics: I also used to feel guilty when my kids would veg out for an hour or two at night watching Netflix when we were somewhere amazing like Paris, but I finally realized two things: they like to decompress with their device sometimes and this is their vacation too. Both of these realizations meant I loosened up some of those rules at night and I always look for places with decent wifi

I hope you decide to go and that you have a wonderful time!

[twowhat?]

I am soooooo with you. You are NOT ALONE. Summers are EXHAUSTING. It's hard to find good full time care over the summers, and our kids HATE summer camps so we try to incorporate some stay-at-home days throughout the summer, which only increases our workload as we juggle their needs with our own full-time jobs. There have been a ton of doctor, dentist, orthodontist, therapist appointments for the kids. That's not counting our own doctors and dentist appointments (and frankly, I need my own therapist appointments but cannot prioritize them). Each time, I have to make up work at night after they go to bed. And they go to bed much later in the summer so it could be 10pm before I'm able to sit down to make up 2 hours worth of work for a dentist appointment. We both travel for work so on top of everything extra we have to do in the summers, it's our industry's busiest time of the year. I'm TIRED and planning a vacation takes energy I don't have. We are doing our yearly go-visit-good-family-friends trip that takes no planning other than plane tickets since we stay with them. But DH is irritated that we can't plan a vacation of our own to someplace neat like Portland. I'm irritated that he's irritated about it because I feel like he's blaming me (which I know he's not...but this is how our summers are...adults tired and irritated). Plus as a mom/planner it feels like there's extra pressure to plan a fun vacation that everyone will enjoy so when your kids complain about being bored or just want to stay in the hotel room and watch TV rather than go on that cool boat tour...yeah...it's like salt in the wound.

And you being a single parent...I can't even imagine.

No advice, just commiseration!

Oh!!! I suppose if budget allows, a vacation planner would be worthwhile! That's something we should consider...

[mom2binsd]

Is there a reason you are in a time constraint once you leave your friends?
I'd go, a free place to stay is wonderful. I thought you were also going to go with her to a lodge in between Montreal and Quebec city? If going to Quebec City is too much, take your time driving home and maybe stop in Vermont (Burlington is a cute easy place to stop).


I thought earlier someone lined a really cool little B&B type place with pool just outside of Quebec City, I bet the kids would love that place.

I know traveling is tough on your own, every summer for the past 12 years I drive 2200 miles on my own with my two kids, we drive to visit my family and friends back in Canada. Driving is the only way to do for me as flights and car rental are crazy expensive where we go to and we need to be able to pack plenty of things and bring stuff back with us (I take back stuff from my dad's house that he is selling soon).

We've learned to drive for 4.5 hours, stop get gas, use the bathroom and grab a quick bite, because we just want to get there. If you have some extra time though, it can be fun to stop and see something new and different, even if just for an hour.

I think you are over thinking some of this too much. Have the kids bring their favorite books, and have them help pick out something they want to do on the trip. They can Google some fun places or sights to see.

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[mackmama]

I will be the dissenting voice and say give yourself permission not to go.

It’s importsnt to listen to your body. I’m having similar health issues re extreme fatigue and wondering if it’s perimenopause, thyroid, or something more sinister. We have a trip scheduled soon that I, too, am dreading, planned myself, and will be going without DH. So I’m going through the same demonstrations as you are. Our trip is close and only 2 days so DC and I will likely go, but it does feel overwhelming.

If you do go, pick one city. Keep it mellow. Take the burden off your back of having to make it a spectacular trip. Just show up and let it unfold. When it’s just you, it’s incredibly understandable to dread it. It’s all on you!

So shift your expectations of yourself and the trip and pare it down- or stay home and line up a camp or sitters.