Host etiquette question

[Twoboos]

Thanks for the feedback! Ok so to answer a few questions, I think they may be kosher. So this would make sense. But in that case, I have no problem if they say that - we keep a kosher house please don't mix meat/dairy etc..

I do not think she is providing a main course, we're all bringing stuff as far as I understand.

Plus, isn't vegan automatically dairy-free?? Sorry now I'm just being picky.

This is a party that has been put off/rescheduled for like 2.5mos so now everyone is now at the point where it's like, "let's get this over with" and we'll be bringing whatever she asks! It's an inconvenient day for me so probably not staying long anyway. And I'll bring flowers, lol along with something else. I have a vegan friend I can ask for easy/yummy ideas.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Thanks for the feedback! Ok so to answer a few questions, I think they may be kosher. So this would make sense. But in that case, I have no problem if they say that - we keep a kosher house please don't mix meat/dairy etc..

I do not think she is providing a main course, we're all bringing stuff as far as I understand.

Plus, isn't vegan automatically dairy-free?? Sorry now I'm just being picky.

This is a party that has been put off/rescheduled for like 2.5mos so now everyone is now at the point where it's like, "let's get this over with" and we'll be bringing whatever she asks! It's an inconvenient day for me so probably not staying long anyway. And I'll bring flowers, lol along with something else. I have a vegan friend I can ask for easy/yummy ideas.

I thought the same thing as the bolded.

[bisous]

I think it is definitely not the most polite invite for all the reasons that PPs have mentioned! I don't think a host has the right to dictate what kinds of foods people bring to her home. If she wants to control the food there, she should provide the food.

I think the vegan or dairy-free thing is to make sure the offerings are dairy free. Vegan does imply dairy-free but might be labeled differently. To people who don't read labels all of the time that might be helpful. (I'm picturing someone in the store and the label clearly says "vegan" but maybe not dairy free even though it is?)

Anyway, I have lots of friends and family members who do rude things (in this vein) all the time, mostly because they are clueless. I'm not saying all my friends and family are like this but in the years and years that I've been adult I've known the friend that is rude occasionally and the chronically rude person. But mostly I just roll with it. I still don't ever want to be one of those people though so I kind of like talking about it and appreciate posts like this!

[Pear]

If the dishes are vegan OR dairy-free, what is to stop someone rolling in with green beans tossed in bacon. If the goal is a kosher meal, I don’t see this going well

[bisous]

If the dishes are vegan OR dairy-free, what is to stop someone rolling in with green beans tossed in bacon. If the goal is a kosher meal, I don’t see this going well

I don't think we know for sure that kosher is the goal though? Somebody else surmised dairy was the item that possibly needed to be avoided since it was dairy free OR vegan.

[Philly Mom]

If the dishes are vegan OR dairy-free, what is to stop someone rolling in with green beans tossed in bacon. If the goal is a kosher meal, I don’t see this going well

This made me laugh and I was thinking the same thing. The direction also doesn’t make sense from a kosher perspective. In a kosher setting, you would most likely ask for it to be dairy only and no meat or vice versa, though normally in catering dairy is the preferred option. I was just at a kosher event. It was neither dairy free or vegan. There was lots of sushi and smoked fish as well as dairy dishes.


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[ahisma]

Context - while we definitely don't do invites that way, we eat vegan / oil free. DH has had two heart attacks and I strongly prefer to keep him alive. Our friends have been awesome (we're about 10 years in). While we always invite them to bring meat for the grill if they'd like it, they almost always bring amazing vegan food. I don't think we're offending anyone, since we have folks seeking out invites (which is weird, but a different post all together).

[ahisma]

I do not think she is providing a main course, we're all bringing stuff as far as I understand.
.

It is, but MANY people don't know what vegan means. At all.

[California]

Meh, wouldn’t bother me. My friends and family are a mix from paleo to kosher to gluten free to vegan. I try to treat it as a fun challenge to figure out what to make. I mean, food at its best is an expression of affection and nurturing. So I feel like when I make a dish that fits their diets in a way I’m saying “I care about you.” (And I’m vegetarian, and they roll with that, too, when it’s my house.) She’s your friend. Remember why you like her. Smile and inwardly laugh- with affection- at her foibles. And enjoy the night out!

[essnce629]

I would bring a berry fruit salad and call it a day! Vegan and dairy free!

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