Would you ask for these back?

[marinkitty]

I really think it would be no big deal to say to your SIL, "Hey - when I was babysitting I noticed those old boots of mine sitting in the hallway and that made me realize I have no boots to wear on my hike this weekend. I was thinking I'd have to wear sneakers and buy some new boots when I get around to it, but now I'm wondering if you'd mind if I wear these for the hike and I'll get some new boots when I have more time. If that grosses you out, I'll stick with my sneaker plan - thanks!"

No need to get into all the history or whatnot. And if she says no, wear sneakers or make time to go get some new boots. Chances are she will think it is fine and you'll borrow them and move on.

Totally different story if you wanted them back. Or were upset she has them. Then I think it would be weird. But if you truly just want to borrow them for convenience in a time jam and you noticed them there, what's the big deal? She's family.

P.S. I will also say that I tried to hike in my old Vasque leather hiking boots recently and even though they still fit and are so well broken in from years of hiking - they are so heavy and uncomfortable compared to my newer day hikers (that were wet and muddy that particular day - hence me pulling out my old boots). When you do go buy new boots, you'll be pleasantly surprised how great they are now - so light and really don't even need a break-in period.

[wendibird22]

You can’t ask for them back. Just suck it up and buy new hiking boots. I’m not an expert, but 20 year old boots seem really old. They might not be comfortable anymore and I assume the materials have degraded.


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Girl, please please please take it from my personal experience. DONT wear boots that old. I had a pair of Lowa hiking boots that were about 15yrs old that I dug out of my basement to wear to the Women's March in DC. They fit great, looked great, wore them around the house prior to the trip with no problems. About 2hr into wearing them on the day of the March the sole of one started to separate from the shoe. There I was standing in a crowd of millions and my shoe was literally disintegrating where I stood. By the time the March was over and we were attempting to make our way back to Metro the entire sole was gone and I was walking on nothing but lining between the insole and the sole. By the end of the day the other shoe began to do the same. Thankfully the weather was ok, I have a sense of humor, and it was only 1 day on flat pavement and I had other shoes on the bus. I would not have survived on rough terrain like that. And I repeat the boots looked perfectly fine the day before with no indication they were degrading.

[speo]

I love to hike and have hiking boots and trail runners. I would never want to loan out or borrow a pair of hiking boots. They get sweaty! I don't think anyone would ask to borrow a pair of running shoes. I don't really see the difference.

You have not really described what kind of hike you are going on. Hiking boots usually are not needed. I could see needing them if you are carrying a heavy pack for days, hiking through lots of mud or snow, or climbing over lots of rocks. Running shoes are usually the most comfortable type of shoe for hiking otherwise. Many of the Pacific Crest Trail hikers wear trail runners now and throw them away every couple hundred miles. If you truly needed boots, I would think you would have found a way to purchase them before the hike already and broken them in. Enjoy the hike!

[Corie]

I'll be the lone dissenting opinion here! I probably wouldn't ask for them back (given how old they are and the potential to create weirdness in the relationship) BUT I would be irritated if my SIL took something of mine from my parents' house without asking me! No one else minds this part of the story?? My parents lived in my childhood home for almost 40 years - I had lots of "things" that I kept there, and I would have thought it strange if SIL just took something of mine without at least a "hey, I found your old boots in the hall closet, ok if I take them?"

LOL! I was totally thinking the same thing!!

[HannaAddict]

You asked and I think it would be weird and also gross to “borrow” boots to hike in. Your mom was not storing them for you to reclaim and was free to discard to goodwill after decades. The emphasis on how they were “yours” and now you want them back vs can you just borrow boots is also where I think it is totally weird. Asking to borrow something back after loaning it for a year and for an item like a bouncy house has no bearing. That is very, very different. You didn’t even pass along the boots, your mom did. How is your SIL supposed to feel when you pop up with “I’d like my boots back.” Just not anything I would ever do. And I stand by my thought there would be a pile on of posts about how odd it is if the SIL posted about someone wanting old hand me down boots back, been on these board long enough to see similar posts. Do what you want, it appear you are trying them on, but not something o would do. Ick. And for people that abandon clothes at their parents for twenty years and think they should be considered theirs like being in a storage locker, that is also totally odd to me and I don’t agree that you still have “claim” to them once an adult and living on your own for twenty years. Very odd.


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[MMMommy]

I'm putting the fact that they were your shoes years ago aside. You say that fact isn't relevant because you just want to borrow a pair of hiking shoes that fit due to time constraints. I personally wouldn't ask to borrow someone's shoes. But that's just me. And again, I'm saying this on the assumption that your previous ownership is not relevant.

[KpbS]

It is fine to ask her or text your brother either way. It sounds like you are close enough geographically and relationally for it to not be weird.

Have a good hike either way!

[basil]

You asked and I think it would be weird and also gross to “borrow” boots to hike in. Your mom was not storing them for you to reclaim and was free to discard to goodwill after decades. The emphasis on how they were “yours” and now you want them back vs can you just borrow boots is also where I think it is totally weird. Asking to borrow something back after loaning it for a year and for an item like a bouncy house has no bearing. That is very, very different. You didn’t even pass along the boots, your mom did. How is your SIL supposed to feel when you pop up with “I’d like my boots back.” Just not anything I would ever do. And I stand by my thought there would be a pile on of posts about how odd it is if the SIL posted about someone wanting old hand me down boots back, been on these board long enough to see similar posts. Do what you want, it appear you are trying them on, but not something o would do. Ick. And for people that abandon clothes at their parents for twenty years and think they should be considered theirs like being in a storage locker, that is also totally odd to me and I don’t agree that you still have “claim” to them once an adult and living on your own for twenty years. Very odd.


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I never asked if it was “gross”. Clearly I don’t have germ hang ups re: shoes if I was considering it. I guess others do. I don’t.

I would imagine my SIL feel pretty neutral about being asked to borrow something she won’t be using. Maybe she would even be happy? I feel good when I can help someone with a minimum amount of effort. Guess you wouldn’t feel that way?

I actually think it’s pretty comparable to asking for the bounce house back, minus the weirdness other people feel over shoes. How is it different?

People saying boots may not be as good as they once were or I shouldn’t hike in boots I haven’t worn in a while have good points. I sort of like to save my running shoes for the treadmill so they are inside only, and don’t really have any other sneakers that aren’t “fashion” sneakers like superstars or converse. But I’ll figure something out.

[twowhat?]

At her house before you leave babysitting: "I saw my old boots in the hall - I'm going hiking this weekend and it's perfect timing so I don't have to go out and shop. If you aren't wearing them, can I take them off your hands?"

[SnuggleBuggles]

I really think it would be no big deal to say to your SIL, "Hey - when I was babysitting I noticed those old boots of mine sitting in the hallway and that made me realize I have no boots to wear on my hike this weekend. I was thinking I'd have to wear sneakers and buy some new boots when I get around to it, but now I'm wondering if you'd mind if I wear these for the hike and I'll get some new boots when I have more time. If that grosses you out, I'll stick with my sneaker plan - thanks!"

No need to get into all the history or whatnot. And if she says no, wear sneakers or make time to go get some new boots. Chances are she will think it is fine and you'll borrow them and move on.

Totally different story if you wanted them back. Or were upset she has them. Then I think it would be weird. But if you truly just want to borrow them for convenience in a time jam and you noticed them there, what's the big deal? She's family.

P.S. I will also say that I tried to hike in my old Vasque leather hiking boots recently and even though they still fit and are so well broken in from years of hiking - they are so heavy and uncomfortable compared to my newer day hikers (that were wet and muddy that particular day - hence me pulling out my old boots). When you do go buy new boots, you'll be pleasantly surprised how great they are now - so light and really don't even need a break-in period.

Yes to the bolded. Again, you know your SIL best. If she's going to take it well, great, If she's going to be like "geez why doesn't she just buy her own shoes?" and gripe about it to your brother, it's not worth it.