How old to leave kids at home at night for date night?

[belovedgandp]

Totally depends on the kids.

Mind are now 14, 11, and 8. Three years ago I started leaving the 11 yo home with ONE sibling at a time. So this was short day time stuff. All three together was a bad combination. By 12 1/2 for the oldest we were leaving all three together for a couple hours about any time. Our "dates" would be a quick dinner and errand and then back home before bedtime.

We're now one year in for "late night" being they all go to sleep while we are out. That started last summer when oldest was 13 1/2. Youngest would have just turned 7. Youngest is super mature and there's enough of an age gap that the younger two respect the idea that oldest is "in charge."

This summer I'm leaving the younger two home during the day for short periods of time. My oldest is at camp this week and it's amazing how quickly you get accustomed to having someone. I need to get my middle one in a babysitting class just to get him a baseline. I know it helped my oldest.

[wencit]

We haven't done a movie date night yet, but would have no qualms about it if there was a movie DH and I wanted to see together, as long as the movie ended at a decent time (before 9pm or so). We just started doing dinner date nights, and it is sooooo nice. DS1 (12yo) is very responsible and mature, and I think he actually feels better if DS2 is with him - safety in numbers, maybe. We allow them to play video games together while we're out to minimize any chances of fighting. They both know that if we ever come home to them fighting, their privilege of staying home alone will be over, and we'll be dragging them to all our errands again. They are actually best friends and get along very well together, so it's a win-win for everyone. I think the situation varies highly on the kids and their relationship, though.

[westwoodmom04]

We’ve been leaving kids home alone in the evening since dd was 11. Her brother is three years younger.

[SnuggleBuggles]

We started leaving them at home for short errands and stuff when ds1 was 12. Probably didn’t do full date night til he was a bit older, like 14. He wasn’t comfortable with it at night. Ok for stretches during daylight though.


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[almostmom]

Kids are 14 and 12 and we leave them for late date nights. This is the first year we've gone into the city, which is 40 minutes away, with them home alone. But to the movies 20 minutes away, that's been fine for a couple years. They get along great, so that's not an issue. We also this year left DD by herself at night - they were supposed to be together and we had an event to go to, but DS got invited for a sleepover and she said she was fine. She didn't want to be the reason he had to stay home! We put lots of lights on and were home around 11. She was fine, awake and had a good time playing video games by herself and texting friends.

I've been fine leaving them home during the day for multiple hours for a couple years. DD often is home for 4 hours alone when DS has baseball. She might get bored, but she's fine.

[klwa]

I think DS (12) would be okay with us leaving him in charge of DD1 (9) at this age for that amount of time. But, I don't think he would be able to handle DD2 as well. AND ILs are within a ten minute drive if anything went wrong. And DS would be uncomfortable staying by himself that long.

In your situation, I feel like I'd be okay since you've already tried it out with the morning thing. They were up for ~ 4 hours by your count. But, I'd want to make sure they had a not-me emergency contact in case there were problems while I couldn't be reached.

[AustenFan]

I voted 12. That's how old I was when I started babysitting at night. (I know, a different time--but this was before cell phones, and none of my families had pagers, either!) I was a responsible first-born.

We actually left the kids by themselves at night once this fall, when we had a dinner with DH's colleagues at his temporary institution in Iowa and couldn't find a sitter. I got the kids pizza and a movie and left my phone with them (the condo we were renting didn't have a landline). We had an early dinner at a restaurant about 10 minutes away and were back in time for bedtime. It was great. DS (10 at the time) was totally comfortable, and his little sisters knew to behave. Honestly, we should have done more dates like that while we were living in a small college town.

Since there's not much to do in Malibu, we have to drive 30+ minutes through the canyons or down the coast to do any sort of movie or anything. We hire a sitter if we're going further than down the street because I don't feel comfortable being 25 miles away from my kids if there's an emergency, even though the next-door neighbors would be available to help them out. If we lived somewhere where we could take surface streets to a nearby movie theater, I'd feel very comfortable leaving DS (11) (and DD1, a very responsible 9) in charge of their little sisters for a couple hours.

[baymom]

Mine are 12 and 13 and we’ve been leaving them home alone at night for maybe the past year and a half. As in, they have to make dinner, walk the dog and put themselves to bed. It’s maybe every other month that they might have to do that. But, they’ve stayed home alone during the day for a few hours here and there for much longer.

[ged]

I’d leave the 12 year old but not in charge of the 8 year old. Or at least not with the dynamics of my kids. My oldest has been babysitting for a couple of years but other kids listen to her better than siblings.

That is me. DD1 is 13, DD2 is 8. They bicker too much to allow me to feel comfortable leaving them for an extended period. 1 hour, yes. But no more, at least at this point.

[doberbrat]

we havent done it yet. We probably should as my marriage is in need of attention....

Something about having them eat alone and being at night gives me pause. Esp since they bicker nonstop.

I think it also depends on the 'date night'. Are we talking latish dinner? early dinner and a movie, home by 11pm? or dinner and a show or dancing the night away??? How far away will you be and who can the kids call if there is a problem or they're lonely etc? can you have your phone on vibrate/silent and they can text if needed?