When your DCs worry about grandparents, what do you say?

[janeybwild]

I say that life is about enjoying and appreciating what we have right now, a loving grandma, and not wasting time on worrying about life without her. We will make many happy happy memories together and enjoy our life together right now ❤️

[Ceepa]

This is so hard. We are going through this as we have had a recent death and that has triggered worry about health and death.

[klwa]

My mom died at 62, when DS was just 2 and I was pregnant with DD1. Very short illness (had a cold on Tuesday, diagnosed with bronchitis on Thursday, was hospitalized on Saturday, and died on Monday.) So, my kids don't remember not knowing grandparents might die. When it comes up, we have a cuddle session and talk about how nice it is to have had grandparents who love you, even if they're gone now.

[dogmom]

I think it would help to back up and ask a lot of open ended questions and give plenty of time to really answer. Don’t start formulating an answer in your head to the first thing she says. Ask, “What do you mean by you think this will be the last time?” Keep eye contact, nod, give space to elaborate. Then ask thinks like, “Is there something that made you think about this? It’s OK, I’m curious.” “How did your grandma/grandad seem to you last time? Did you enjoy seeing them?” Things like that. You have no idea what your kid is actually thinking. Could be the are wondering about how someone looks in a coffin because they saw or heard something. Kids get stuck on things they don’t quite get all the time and we assume a level of knowledge they don’t have. When it comes to fraught subjects like this is so easy as a parent to start figuring out the “right” thing to say before circling back and making sure what they are really concerned about. To say that a child is “wasting” time thinking about these things sets them up to be ashamed of their own anxiety and not address it as it happens. That will not set them up for succes as an adult.