Been a While Since We Had Some Whine to Go With the Cheese ...

[mikala]

Around here, daycare runs $1000/week.




Oh, no, nobody will say anything to my face.

I'll get a 2nd-hand comment from DH about how terrible I look, that "other people" or "someone" told him X, Y, or Z thing about me, which only makes me want to stay home from the next family get-together, since they're so willing to gossip about me behind my back but will be sweet as pie to my face.

Of course, this probably means there aren't "other people" talking about me and it's all DH, but whatever.

It sounds like you've already figured this out but anonymous critical "other people" or "many people are saying" language is textbook abusive behavior. It would be obviously inappropriate if they stated the opinion as their own so they shield it as someone else's and pretend they're just repeating a fact.

Even if there really were a real person complaining we don't repeat mean comments to people we love, and we shut down those comments as they happen. It's especially cruel to repeat the mean comments and then deny you the means to constructively improve.

I also agree with pp that I'd want to go over the income and expenses with a fine tooth comb and have a really good idea where everything is going. Your working or not is irrelevant right now- you're an equal team and you should be bearing any sacrifices as equally as possible.

[lizzywednesday]

If your money is that tight, it seems ridiculous to buy bottled water. But a water bottle for $10 and refill it every day. It seems like he’s prioritizing his needs over yours. He gets name brand foods and you don’t.

It's not just for him to drink; he takes it in the Uber for clients. And I buy store-brand (a 24 pk of store-brand bottles is $2.50.)

I did actually buy him a refillable water bottle because I thought he'd asked for one. He left it on the table for months and then threw it away.

And it makes me sad that you are isolated because you can’t spend the gas money to drive anywhere.

I'm not isolated because I can't spend the gas money; I'm isolated because I don't have close friends nearby. Like I said upthread, I'm usually OK with this because I'm really not interested in going out and doing things - no sip-and-paint (I'm a super-lightweight and don't really like the way I feel after drinking wine), no tricky trays (I find them tedious, especially with the table small-talk), no choruses, etc. - and my closest friends are just a text or FB message away.

(I'm slowly starting to think of the other GS leaders in my SU as friends, but it takes me a while to do that. It helps that they are all super-nice people.)

[lizzywednesday]

...
Eta- it’s boiling my blood that you and dd are 2nd class citizens- dh gets brand name food and treats he wants but you get none or only generic. That’s just so unfair. If you can’t have them bc of $ then he shouldn’t either.

I've eaten generic/store-brand foods pretty much my whole life. I don't really notice a difference. I don't want treats in the house, so I don't buy any. DH sometimes whines about this, but I told him that there's simply no room in the grocery budget for treats. I also think that keeping treats in the house sets me up for being blamed for causing DH's weight issues. (No, what causes his weight issues are a lack of exercise and portion control, not to mention the fact that he always takes 2 cup servings of ice cream, when a single serving is a half-cup.)

He likes the Quaker Big Chewy granola bars and the Ritz PB sandwich crackers to have on-hand at work; that's fine.

I buy them when they're on sale or track down the best price among the stores in my regular grocery run. He wasn't able to find any of the generic diet colas palatable, and since he needs the caffeine to manage his ADHD, it's kind of a medical necessity so that he can keep his job.

[lizzywednesday]

^^You have been unusually quiet so I'm not sure if the comments are making you feel better or worse, but I am so very sorry you are dealing with this.

I was out & about with DD yesterday and today. Keeping her out of the house helps limit her media time.

[gymnbomb]

I was out & about with DD yesterday and today. Keeping her out of the house helps limit her media time.

I am glad to hear I am not the only one who feels this way.


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[Kindra178]

Are you sure childcare for one kid in school is a 1000/week? A full time (50 hours a week) on the books for three kids is about that in my very hcol area in a major city. I just do not think you are correct in your numbers.

Based on everything you said, you need to get a job. Anything to start - you need to have an income.


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[lizzywednesday]

Are you sure childcare for one kid in school is a 1000/week? A full time (50 hours a week) on the books for three kids is about that in my very hcol area in a major city. I just do not think you are correct in your numbers.

Daycare, yes. That's roughly what we were paying when she went to an NAEYC certified daycare facility. She is now too old to go to that particular facility.

Camps vary; the rec camp is probably the best deal. It's $185/week (except the week of July 4th if it falls on a weekday; that week is reduced) without before/after care, which I think we would also need because camp is 9a-3p, so it'd be an extra $135 per week for that.

Aftercare while she's in school, no.

Through the school, five days per week while school is in session is ~$200/month, plus a $35 deposit to enroll her. (If we needed before-care as well, it'd be an extra ~$100.)

There are higher rates for holiday/break care, but it's usually offered if it's not a state/federal holiday.

Based on everything you said, you need to get a job. Anything to start - you need to have an income.

I'm back to working on it.

[jgenie]

I'm back to working on it.

Please know that we’re all cheering you on!!! Sending job finding mojo your way!!!

[Kindra178]

Daycare, yes. That's roughly what we were paying when she went to an NAEYC certified daycare facility. She is now too old to go to that particular facility.

Camps vary; the rec camp is probably the best deal. It's $185/week (except the week of July 4th if it falls on a weekday; that week is reduced) without before/after care, which I think we would also need because camp is 9a-3p, so it'd be an extra $135 per week for that.

Aftercare while she's in school, no.

Through the school, five days per week while school is in session is ~$200/month, plus a $35 deposit to enroll her. (If we needed before-care as well, it'd be an extra ~$100.)

There are higher rates for holiday/break care, but it's usually offered if it's not a state/federal holiday.



I'm back to working on it.

So it’s not 1000/week anymore, it’s 1000/month in the summer and 300/month during the school year. Let’s round up to 600/month during school year to account days off. Either way, at most you are looking at 12k a year. I think you can make more than that, using a tax free child care acct.


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