Been a While Since We Had Some Whine to Go With the Cheese ...

[georgiegirl]

I agree it’s controlling and inappropriate that he insists on shopping with you. And his comments on how things are not flattering are NOT OKAY. Sorry but he sounds like an asshole.

[marinkitty]

Hmmm. I cannot imagine having to shop with a controlling DH who felt the need to weigh in on what was and wasn't appropriate. If you need bras, a new swimsuit and some bottoms, set a budget with your DH ahead of time and then go shopping solo (after agreeing up front that he won't be a backseat driver about what you choose). If he cannot do that, I'd just not shop. Keep wearing the skorts and old suit until he gets his head out of his ass. Good luck!

[lizzywednesday]

Uhhh what? Agree on a budget and go alone. That sounds scarily controlling.

No, he's just cheap and we keep our money separate.

I love Soma bras too, and I can almost always get them for under $40 with their sales and coupons. I usually luck out on the clearance rack too, as long as I don't care about colors.

I can work a coupon or offer like nobody's business, but my size is ALWAYS sold out by the time they have a sale. (I wear a 38G.)

I generally hate shopping too, and I try to do lots online and return. Good luck finding bottoms and a swimsuit! Have you tried Target? I had success there in swimsuits and some clothes the past few years before losing weight. Their new Ava + Viv line has things that aren't awful.

I actually hate the Ava + Viv line - the clothes are fairly cute, but the tops are actually too big for me. I'm built weird - while my shoulders are fairly broad, my bust is rather full, and my arms are heavy, the way their tops are cut makes me look even bigger (too loose and flowy; in some cases, I end up looking pregnant by the time the hemline hits my hips) ... and I have had zero luck with the bottoms.

Of course, my local store only has jean shorts in the length we're looking at and if the heavy-ish twill shorts I've currently got make me break out in heat rash as well as feel like I've wet my pants in hot/humid weather, jean shorts are going to be heat stroke waiting to happen.

As for swimsuits, there's absolutely nothing left in-store in my size (I've looked on 4 separate occasions) and online is pretty decimated, too. Most of what's left in the size(s) I wear is pretty trashy-looking.

[lizzywednesday]

I agree it’s controlling and inappropriate that he insists on shopping with you. And his comments on how things are not flattering are NOT OKAY. Sorry but he sounds like an asshole.

He's not actually an asshole.

I'm just really pissed off at him and he's a cheapskate.

Hmmm. I cannot imagine having to shop with a controlling DH who felt the need to weigh in on what was and wasn't appropriate. If you need bras, a new swimsuit and some bottoms, set a budget with your DH ahead of time and then go shopping solo (after agreeing up front that he won't be a backseat driver about what you choose). If he cannot do that, I'd just not shop. Keep wearing the skorts and old suit until he gets his head out of his ass. Good luck!

That's pretty much why I'm wearing the skorts and the old swimsuit.

[mikala]

I feel like I'm missing something. So he's cheap and you keep your money separate, but you need new clothes and he agrees. Clothes cost money. Why can't you agree to a budget, he gives you cash from whatever account you're using to buy the clothes, you shop alone or with your DD? I'm not understanding why he physically needs to be there with his running commentary.

[lizzywednesday]

I feel like I'm missing something. So he's cheap and you keep your money separate, but you need new clothes and he agrees. Clothes cost money. Why can't you agree to a budget, he gives you cash from whatever account you're using to buy the clothes, you shop alone or with your DD? I'm not understanding why he physically needs to be there with his running commentary.

Well, we set the time aside yesterday, that's really what prompted this b!tchfest.

Taking DD is not an option. Taking DH at least means we have another adult to deal with her.

He has no idea what Plus sized women's clothing costs. None. Every time I tell him what I need and how much it'll cost, he balks.

So, yeah, it's not an option.

I think I'm going to stay home this year if he's so embarrassed by me.

[DualvansMommy]

I feel like I'm missing something. So he's cheap and you keep your money separate, but you need new clothes and he agrees. Clothes cost money. Why can't you agree to a budget, he gives you cash from whatever account you're using to buy the clothes, you shop alone or with your DD? I'm not understanding why he physically needs to be there with his running commentary.

That is how I'm thinking too. I've been SAHM without any income of my own since we brought DS1 home from the hospital, and since it was a mutual decision by us for me to stay home, it only made sense that his income is also my income. We always had a joint checking for purposes like yours; need for me to buy clothes, groceries, etc anything that is considered as a need it comes out of the joint account. We have our own individual checking accounts that we kept into our marriage and now that I'm working part time, we still see his income as mine and my part time income as his regardless of who it is coming from.

I'm saying this gently but I remember a very similar posting you made last summer, which is relevant to your comment of how it always seem to be recurring every summer before your vacation. It is much more than the clothing issue, although his running commentary is NOT helpful nor very kind. I hate shopping with DH even though he has a good eye for fashion, but our ideas of what works for my body is very different, so I leave him home when I go shopping.

you need to sit him down and have a come to Jesus talk with DH, remind him how it seems to be recurring every year before your trip and that you're not working so he can't very well see his money just as his own! what does he expects you to live on? air? He needs to set aside specific amount every payday to you without question or whenever you want. That way you can go shopping to your heart content. That should be applied to anything in your life as I feel the spouse who stays at home should get money from the working spouse without any questions, arguments and comments every so often. Otherwise it just sets a controlling aspect/tone into your marriage and making you feel like a child and your DH as the parent/authority figure. Not the best recipe for a marriage to thrive.

sorry to derail your bitching and not give you any helpful clothing/shopping advice, it's just that your responses is sending a red flag up to me. it is much more to being a cheapskate that you're saying your DH is. It is *controlling* behavior, IMO and I am saying this with the utmost respect.

[HannaAddict]

Open a credit card in your name ASAP. Your community assets are your income. You need to have some autonomy.


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[essnce629]

No, he's just cheap and we keep our money separate.

If you keep your money separate then why is he involved at all? I've been with my DH for 15 years and have never once gone clothes shopping with him! Seems like it would be a nightmare! I've been a full time SAHM since DS2 was born 9 years ago and DH and I don't even have a joint account. If you're not working right now why not go shopping on your own when DH is at work and DD is at school? Then you can take all the time in the world and DH is not there micromanaging you or making comments.

And if DH and DD have to go with you, then send the two of them to the food court and toy store while you shop alone!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Oh god, no, I can't wear unstructured anything - I look like I'm wearing a circus tent. Always have.

Honestly, the problem right now is the fact that I feel too "dressed up" if everyone else around me is wearing shorts or capris (and I despise capris, they look absolutely sh!tty on me) and I'm forced into a dress. And I love dresses!

I knew you’d dismiss the idea and that’s a shame. That’s why I said look at various options. Yes, there are tent like maxi dresses and there are structured, flattering ones. Look on Amazon. Tons of choices with actual users wearing them- including plenty of plus sizes women and they look darned good! Free shipping, free returns.


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