When You Commit to a Service Project, You Follow Through and Do it!

[AustenFan]

I'm spitting mad at our small group right now. We host a small community group from our church that meets weekly in our home to discuss our church's sermons, eat a meal together, and encourage each other. In the summers, we don't meet regularly but are supposed to do service projects together. We have a commitment problem, so instead of coming up with my own ideas, I asked our members what they wanted to do for service projects. A couple people mentioned serving dinner at a homeless shelter. I got the information, I found a chance to serve, I sent out the details a month ago, and one person committed. It's an hour away (actually an hour and a half in traffic), but I said I'd go with her since she wanted to go. Now it's the week of the event, and she suddenly is telling me she can't get out of work in time to go. I told the people at the homeless shelter that two of us were coming to help. It's not like painting a room or something where they can just find another group to come do it later--we're helping prepare and serve a meal to 50+ people! And the homeless shelter has a policy that under 16 year olds can't help in the kitchen, so I can't even bring my kids to participate. So DH can't go with me because he has to stay home with the kids. So now I am going to have to drive through LA in rush hour traffic, the night before my family flies out of town, by myself, to do a service project that other people wanted "us" as a group to do, because when I commit to something I actually do it.

I care about the homeless in our city, and I am sure this service opportunity is a real help to the staff at the shelter. In other circumstances, this would be a great thing for our family to be involved in. But I have four young children at home (everyone else in our group is single and childless). I don't want or need to come up with extra burdens on my time in which I can't involve my family. I am so angry I could cry.

[SnuggleBuggles]

That really stinks.

I'd be emailing the whole group and explain it just like you did here!

[California]

So sorry she canceled out on you. I also noticed at my church that if I take on organizing something that other people have expressed interest in, the other people seem to take it as a luxury that they can cancel last minute or simply not show up. It's very frustrating! You are stuck being the middleman for flaky people. So I really relate. I now only organize volunteering for my family, and then share the contact info with the rest of the group with a casual, "FYI, I signed up to volunteer at XYZ and they still have open spots. If you are interested in volunteering too here's the contact info to sign up."

Before you make the drive, I really encourage you to reach out to the homeless dinner coordinator and ask her/him how much they need you to be there. We volunteer several times a year serving meals. Some place have lots of extra hands. Some are short staffed and really do need every volunteer to show up. It'd be worth it to call and find out.

[HannaAddict]

Exactly. Email the entire group and lay it out. I’m sorry. Good karma to you and I will wish for light traffic.


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[Percycat]

So sorry your group is flaky. I pray that the evening is a blessing for your and the people you will serve. Thank you for be an example to others.

[bisous]

I'm spitting mad at our small group right now. We host a small community group from our church that meets weekly in our home to discuss our church's sermons, eat a meal together, and encourage each other. In the summers, we don't meet regularly but are supposed to do service projects together. We have a commitment problem, so instead of coming up with my own ideas, I asked our members what they wanted to do for service projects. A couple people mentioned serving dinner at a homeless shelter. I got the information, I found a chance to serve, I sent out the details a month ago, and one person committed. It's an hour away (actually an hour and a half in traffic), but I said I'd go with her since she wanted to go. Now it's the week of the event, and she suddenly is telling me she can't get out of work in time to go. I told the people at the homeless shelter that two of us were coming to help. It's not like painting a room or something where they can just find another group to come do it later--we're helping prepare and serve a meal to 50+ people! And the homeless shelter has a policy that under 16 year olds can't help in the kitchen, so I can't even bring my kids to participate. So DH can't go with me because he has to stay home with the kids. So now I am going to have to drive through LA in rush hour traffic, the night before my family flies out of town, by myself, to do a service project that other people wanted "us" as a group to do, because when I commit to something I actually do it.

I care about the homeless in our city, and I am sure this service opportunity is a real help to the staff at the shelter. In other circumstances, this would be a great thing for our family to be involved in. But I have four young children at home (everyone else in our group is single and childless). We are getting ready to foster a medically fragile special needs child, which is going to be hard and uncomfortable (and involved dozens and dozens of hours of trainings during which I left my kids behind already at inconvenient times). I am the last person who needs to be adding more service projects to my plate right now. I don't want or need to come up with extra burdens on my time in which I can't involve my family. I am so angry I could cry.

If you pm me, I might be able to help. I'm local-ish to you and your plate sounds incredibly overwhelming right now! Best case scenario is that someone in your group steps up (I hope they do!) but if you're really in a pickle, I bet I can hook you up with people, if I can't personally go.

[Dayzy]

I'd send an email to the entire group. "Due to circumstances, Betty is no longer able to help at the homeless shelter this week. Our group committed to having 2 volunteers to help that evening. I'm asking for everyone to check their schedule and see if you can spare a few hours so that we are able to fulfill our obligation as a church group to this charity."

[TwinFoxes]

That really stinks.

I'd be emailing the whole group and explain it just like you did here!

I think it's time to let your disappointment and frustration show through. I'm not saying write an angry email, but let them know that you need help, and why.

I'm so sorry you've been put in this situation.

[mikala]

I'd send an email to the entire group. "Due to circumstances, Betty is no longer able to help at the homeless shelter this week. Our group committed to having 2 volunteers to help that evening. I'm asking for everyone to check their schedule and see if you can spare a few hours so that we are able to fulfill our obligation as a church group to this charity."

This!! The whole group is technically on the hook for this and should all be digging deep to see if they can pitch in. I'd be so tempted to make "Betty" responsible for finding her own replacement but that probably wouldn't fly.

I'd leave out the circumstances intro and just say Betty is no longer able to help, etc. Let them ask her why if they want.

[AustenFan]

You guys, thanks for the solidarity. I haven't been online all week because I've been on the phone nonstop with our upcoming foster placement, but I wanted to give an update!

I took California's advice to contact the person in charge of the volunteering and see if they really needed my help. I made it clear that I would come if they needed me, but that it was a lot of driving for just me if they didn't. Turns out there have been weeks where this woman ends up doing prep/cooking/service for 50 people by herself, but this week, she had 8 solid volunteers coming, and she told me to just stay home. She also said they were hoping to get people involved who could commit to helping out long-term, and I told her that realistically, the drive time + my group's flakiness meant that she shouldn't rely on help from our group in the future. After a couple back and forth emails, I felt a lot better about the whole thing.

I also came to a decision about the rest of my service commitments. There are lots of things that I *can* do because I'm an able-bodied woman with a car and/or a big enough living room for hosting people weekly, but that doesn't mean I *have* to do everything right now. DH and I believe strongly that we are called to be foster parents. It's looking very likely that we will be foster-adopting a toddler with some medical issues in the next month or two. I can absolutely pour myself out for another child. Our kids are on board and excited about her. I can advocate for her medical needs, and DH can figure out the legal stuff (because he's a lawyer). That's where our energies need to be for the next few years. This week's experience with our group just confirmed 100% that it is not our season to lead this community group or drive all over the place to volunteer. Our church asked us two years ago to host and lead a group in our neighborhood because there wasn't one--we never particularly felt called to lead it, but we said yes because we were asked. We have been totally faithful (only canceling when we had the stomach flu), and the group has never coalesced--we still only get one or two people showing up on a given week (when I have cleaned the house, prepared a homemade meal, and kept my schedule clear). When we get back from vacation next week, I'm emailing the church leadership and telling them we're not hosting or leading a group anymore. And I'm just going to tell the group that we're done. Not sure how much to express my frustration with their flakiness, but I am going to try to say something about how we need consistency in our life with a new child joining our family, and this group has been too inconsistent.