Anyone BTDT- your aging parent has accumulated a ton of CC debt? How did you resolve

[jerseygirl07067]

My mom was recently hospitalized and I am her POA medical/financial. I knew she had been struggling to stay on top of her finances and I have been offering to help do her finances for her but she has flat out refused in the past. She has dementia which is progessing quickly.

So now she has no choice, I have spent the week getting a handle on all of her bills, etc. It is way worse than I thought. She owes about $30-40K and a lot of what I am finding is fraudulent activity on her card that she has no idea was going on. She has also made a lot of online purchases and has been ordering things on auto-ship. Clearly not remembering what she has ordered in the past. I am trying to figure out how to resolve her debt and get the balance down. The problem is the stupid credit card companies won't even give me authority even though I am POA. I get it, there is so much fraud, but now my mom must sign an additional statement that I have authority to handle her credit card transactions, for me to pursue any of this.

I need to figure this out quickly. I am not even sure she will make it out of the hospital, but I don't want to wind up having her estate pay for all of this fraudulent activity and purchases that she clearly was making due to her dementia.

If you have been through this before, can you please share what you did? I know I can fight the fraudulent activity, but there are a bunch of these purchases made due to the dementia. Do I have to show any type of medical documentation. I am so stressed out right now trying to deal with all of this, running back and forth to the hospital, and of course my kids started school this week.

[legaleagle]

Have the cards been frozen so no more auto ship?

[NCGrandma]

One thing I encountered when I was dealing with my parents' finances: at least one financial institution refused to honor the POA form and required that my mother sign a new one using their own form. HOWEVER, by then, my mother's dementia had progressed to where she was probably not legally competent to sign it. We ignored that and just had her sign a new form, but if I had already submitted medical documentation of her dementia, I’m not sure what the financial institution would have required (maybe some sort of court order?). In any case, try to make sure that you are an authorized POA for her credit card(s) before submitting documentation of dementia.

I hope some of our many BBB attorneys will have some suggestions and/or will point out that my mother's experience is or isn’t relevant.


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[StantonHyde]

Ask the hospital social worker—they may have some ideas

[niccig]

Can you set up online access to her cards? We had some fraudulent transactions and I was able to flag them online and submit saying fraudulent. No need to call anyone, and new card was shipped to us later that week.

It’ll at least stop the activity so you can then get POA to fight the transactions.

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[roobee]

How do they know you're not her? They'll typically ask for name, SSN and card number, if you can provide all that then you're your mother as far as the card company rep is concerned (speaking as a former rep).

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[legaleagle]

One thing I encountered when I was dealing with my parents' finances: at least one financial institution refused to honor the POA form and required that my mother sign a new one using their own form. Baby Bargains

This is both very common & usually BS. If your POA conforms with your state law and is properly executed (signed & notarized and/or witnesses) they generally have to accept it thought there may be some back & forth. Many states have forms written into the law itself, though talking to a lawyer is always prudent!

Link to Maryland form: http://www.marylandattorneygeneral.g...nts/17-202.pdf - try searching for "state name statutory power of attorney"

[NCGrandma]

This is both very common & usually BS. If your POA conforms with your state law and is properly executed (signed & notarized and/or witnesses) they generally have to accept it thought there may be some back & forth. Many states have forms written into the law itself, though talking to a lawyer is always prudent!

Link to Maryland form: http://www.marylandattorneygeneral.g...nts/17-202.pdf - try searching for "state name statutory power of attorney"

Yep, my attorney agrees with you, BUT apparently there are some largish financial institutions around here that are notorious for making it so difficult that it’s often easier to give in and re-do the POA with their form. On the other hand, the credit union has been terrific each time I’ve had to deal with them as a POA — no question about the forms, and above-and-beyond helpful.


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[dogmom]

You are being too nice with them. Call them all up and ask for a fax and regular mail address for each CC. Go to an attorney. Now what to do next depends on how large are your mother’s assets. If you think that cost of care will eat most of it just have the attorney send a letter to each CC company’s saying your mother has suffered from dementia for a while and does not have the assets to pay for this debt and there will be no more payments and they should write off the debt. Also that they are no longer allowed to contact your mother. I did this with my mother in law and it worked. Never heard from them again. So her credit is ruined, who cares.

If your mother has more substantial assets you can make a good faith effort, figure out a ballpark amount of how much you think is legitimate, make sure you don’t include fees, interest etc. Say basically the same thing, but that you are willing to pay the X amount, but after that all assets will go to her care and there will be no more coming. This is not a negotiation. This is a take it or leave it situation. The CC companies gave an unsecured loan to your mother. They took the risk. There isn’t much they have besides ruining her credit. If you start now they realize that paying for nursing home and stuff comes before them, so they would be better off taking what you offer than risk getting nothing.

You don’t really need a lawyer to do this. I did not use one. But it helps if it has a lawyers name and such. Be done with these leeches and go spend time with your mom.

[o_mom]

You are being too nice with them. Call them all up and ask for a fax and regular mail address for each CC. Go to an attorney. Now what to do next depends on how large are your mother’s assets. If you think that cost of care will eat most of it just have the attorney send a letter to each CC company’s saying your mother has suffered from dementia for a while and does not have the assets to pay for this debt and there will be no more payments and they should write off the debt. Also that they are no longer allowed to contact your mother. I did this with my mother in law and it worked. Never heard from them again. So her credit is ruined, who cares.

If your mother has more substantial assets you can make a good faith effort, figure out a ballpark amount of how much you think is legitimate, make sure you don’t include fees, interest etc. Say basically the same thing, but that you are willing to pay the X amount, but after that all assets will go to her care and there will be no more coming. This is not a negotiation. This is a take it or leave it situation. The CC companies gave an unsecured loan to your mother. They took the risk. There isn’t much they have besides ruining her credit. If you start now they realize that paying for nursing home and stuff comes before them, so they would be better off taking what you offer than risk getting nothing.

You don’t really need a lawyer to do this. I did not use one. But it helps if it has a lawyers name and such. Be done with these leeches and go spend time with your mom.

Great advice!

I would also add to check on the probate laws in her state. A friend's mom had a similar situation with debt and terminal illness. All her assets were structured such that there was no estate to probate, so the CC companies got nothing. They did try to call my friend and say that he should pay them out of the life insurance, but he had consulted a lawyer who said that life insurance passes directly to the beneficiary and is not part of the estate.